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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

NDN and looking after her cat

63 replies

AnotherNightCooking · 30/03/2019 18:00

I posted a couple of weeks ago regarding my NDN. She fell & broke both her wrists. She lives on her own with her cat, she is 66.
I heard her screaming, called an ambulance & went with her to hospital. It’s a 45 minute drive away.
My DP & I have been feeding her elderly cat. The cat is incontinent. DP has cleaned up her mishaps from the kitchen floor on 3 occasions & I’ve washed her blanket that had crap/sick all over it.
I’ve just gone around to close the back door (we’ve been leaving it open for a few hours to air the kitchen where the cat is confined) & there is shit everywhere. Obviously the cat is poorly so not her fault.
My AIBU is that we haven’t heard a single thing from our neighbour despite sending ‘ how are you’ texts & calling the ward - the Sister has said she’s fine .
We’ve bought cat litter & now it’s run out of food which we cannot afford to replace.
Before anyone asks we haven’t visited because we both work full time & barely know our neighbour.
Yesterday I got a call from the hospital saying they were delivering a commode so we had to stay in so we could give them access to her house.
I’m just completely bemused to 2 weeks of no communication at all despite near daily messages from us !

OP posts:
overreactingperhaps · 02/04/2019 15:29

maybe i'm paranoid but i'd be worried she'd say something about her cat not being sick before... really important you communicate in writing with her about the cat still being sick, are they on medication that you should know about?

smurfy2015 · 02/04/2019 15:54

She is really cheeky.

I am waiting on a bed in a hospital unit and will be away for 3 months later this year. I have a cat who is my baby.

My cat is insured to the hilt in case she needs care while I am away. There will be emergency money left in case she needs to go to the vets.

4 months of food, wet and dry will be left with enough litter to allow for full tray changes every 2 days, she will be ok with tap water. She will have a supply of emergency pain killer, I will be taking a small bag of basically cloths which I will sleep with and send one home to her weekly so she still has my scent.

Friends are staying in the house at different points and if she has to spend a night alone, she will be played with beforehand to wear her out. I have a large tin of treats built up to make things slightly easier for her and there is a daily rota of who is coming in the morning and evenings to dispense her wet food. The radio will be left on in the evenings for the company and during the day she will have videos for cats playing on a loop on youtube.

I know your neighbour hasn't even asked about the cat and now wants to facetime it.

She wants you in my opinion to become her carer, unpaid I would say.

The Cinnamon Trust would be my recommendation for this and pass the keys back, explain to ward sister you don't even know the woman and are not willing to take responsibility and they need to arrange to get the commode delivered some other way.

Don't walk away from this .... run like the clappers.

Bringbackthestripes · 02/04/2019 16:02

during the day she will have videos for cats playing on a loop on youtube.

Off to google videos for my fur ball Grin

BlueSkiesLies · 02/04/2019 16:30

@Bringbackthestripes also look at "cats for birds" on YouTube - so many videos and my cat LOVES them

BlueSkiesLies · 02/04/2019 16:30

sorry I mean obviously "BIRDS for cats" not the other way round

Bringbackthestrioes · 02/04/2019 17:25

DH says I am now officially a crazy cat lady....thanks for the BIRDS for cats recommendation.

GabriellaMontez · 02/04/2019 17:28

No!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/04/2019 17:47

Do not let them discharge her with them thinking you are taking care of her!

It might not be that simple, Peter. IME hospitals have a horrible habit of discharging folk without proper arrangements, just so long as they can tick that box with someone's - anyone's - name as a carer

It may be that all OP can do is to call SS once the neighbour's home and gets into difficulties

smurfy2015 · 02/04/2019 20:22

Some other thoughts from me:

I know your neighbour didn't have time to organise stuff before her accident, but 2 weeks is plenty of time to make alternative arrangements.

Re-reading the OP, I see a couple of things now, the ward sister says "she's fine", that is from phone calls which you are making to the ward?

Just to clarify, it may be a possibility that despite her giving your details the staff may not actually have permission to speak to you about her condition at all. They aren't denying she is there, because you already know otherwise so that would be pointless and so when asked how NDN is "she is fine" basically says something and nothing. Has answered the question but still not actually told you anything.

Im in hospital regularly and one phone call sorts out the cats feeding times etc and how to access the house as well as packing up a bag for me and what I need in it.

One the one occasion, the cat was outside longer than intended (about 4 hours without being checked on and it had started raining) and couldn't get back in, she went to my next door neighbour and lay in her hallway underneath the radiator, until some1 shouted for her and she came home to play, eat and go to sleep.

As a pet owner, she needs to have a plan in place for the pet in this event.

They may try to discharge her, when she is discharged from the hospital it will be a lot harder for SS to arrange even temporary help while she heals.

As they will have discharged her on paper at least to neighbour (who may not necessarily know about it - you) and then the fight for other help starts by which time any possible help is in sight, she is long healed by then. In the meantime, as she sinks at home without the use of arms/wrist, you are the point of contact listed by her on notes by now as they contacted you to organise delivery of the commode.

While she is there effectively blocking a bed pending being medically fit they will actively be trying to "offload" onto someone else/ anyone ie you. She may think it will "just being neighbourly", it's not at all. That is way over and above.

Has anyone else been in the house that you are aware of? How is she getting her washing/ clean clothes etc? If she has a supply of these there is probably someone else visiting her and you are left looking after the cat and its health problems with care needs. You could have acquired a cat by stealth even if you don't want one.

As you have the keys to her house at this point, I would go and take a lot of photographs around the place with a timestamp on them if possible, as you don't know her well at all so gives you some cover in the case of being accused of theft and you don't know if she would be the type to make an accusation.

if something is considered missing from the house during the time you have had keys, it will be photo timed and dated evidence of what was sitting around and "oh that valuable lock on the wall", was deffo there in the time you had a key and when you put the keys in letterbox for her.

The timed and dated photos also have your back if and I hope not, that the home was broken into between you giving the keys back and her return home. As it evidences what was there at x date, and if x was missing at y date when Ndn returns home.

Nomorepies · 02/04/2019 22:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

missymayhemsmum · 02/04/2019 22:33

When dm was in hospital with a broken hip she wasn't allowed to plug in phone chargers, laptop etc on the ward, so was pretty much held incommunicado and unable to make arrangements.

overreactingperhaps · 03/04/2019 11:46

Any update OP? Did you facetime?

FizzyGreenWater · 03/04/2019 13:16

LOL OP with these cryptic additions of more totally infuriating detail, you are really spoiling us Grin

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