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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm allowed to feel fat?

63 replies

zunshine · 27/03/2019 12:58

I was talking with a couple friends and we got onto the conversation about wanting to loose weight and not feeling comfortable with our bodies. I'm a size 12 whereas they're more size 14 one is a mix between 14 and 16 and we're all around the same height. I could really relate to what they were talking about, I've struggled with my weight and confidence for many years but their responses to me agreeing were "you're a size 12, I hate when people say they're fat and their clearly not". My argument to that was I still feel insecure about my body which is allowed and I don't think they're fat either, it's simply how we see ourselves.

I find it odd they react this way towards me but not each other and it seems to be because I'm a size 12 when realistically our weight isn't all that different. But I can never mention my weight or being a diet around them without being completely shut down

OP posts:
Magicpaintbrush · 27/03/2019 13:02

Telling people you feel fat when they are bigger than you are yourself is never a great idea. I would be irritated if I was them tbh. Choose your audience more wisely.

Singlenotsingle · 27/03/2019 13:04

If you say you feel fat when they're bigger than you, then by implication you're calling them fat (or fatter). No wonder they get scratchy.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/03/2019 13:04

Well to them if you are fat, they're fatter.
I get what you mean, best work on a plan and keep it to yourself.
You can tell your slim friends.

allinmyhead12 · 27/03/2019 13:05

i know exactly how you feel, most of my mates were like this to. I used to say that yes this might be the ideal for you but this is not my ideal, everyone is different and has different perceptions of what they want to be.
For me perception is the key (at the moment im around a stone and half heavier than i want to be and need to be but others would look at me and think i dont need to lose it)

CalmDownPacino · 27/03/2019 13:05

I agree with Singlenotsingle. It is making them feel as though you are calling them fat, which of course you aren't but it's touching a nerve.

Would anyone like to place a bet as to how long before someone comes along to say "well you aren't exactly slim at a size 12, are you OP". Grin

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/03/2019 13:06

I don't think their response was very surprising, I expect if they were a 12 they'd probably think they weren't fat (given that you are not!).

Of course you can feel how you like about your body but you're saying a size 12 is fat which means a size 14/16 is even fatter. You can say that you don't think they're fat but you plainly showed that you think their body size is overweight.

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld · 27/03/2019 13:07

You can feel anytthing you like, but you don't have to say it. The fact you said it to people bigger than you suggests you were looking for an 'Oh, you're not fat, babe' ego boost to me though.

ItsAllGone19 · 27/03/2019 13:10

That's just stupid.

I get upset if I've overdone it and have to sneak out my size 20 jeans although trying to lose weight so hopefully dragging out my size 16 jeans will become the new equivalent.

My friend gets upset if she has to pull out her 'fat' jeans which are a size 10. Everyone carries weight differently and what an individual is happy with is important, not how others perceive them.

Just as much as I'd walk over a pit of lego to fit comfortably in a size 12...I know there are overweight women who dream of being able to buy shop sizes even as big as size 20. It's all relative. Your friends are being arses!

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 27/03/2019 13:11

I can see both sides of this.

I have had friends much smaller than me go on about how they’re fat and disgusting and gross, and it makes me feel like shit.

At the same time, I don’t think anyone has the right to police how anyone else feels about their body, and you don’t need to be a certain size to feel ‘fat’ or uncomfortable with your body. I would never tell a friend that they weren’t allowed to have body issues because they were smaller than me.

I think a bit of consideration and thoughtfulness in how you express yourself is needed on both sides.

FenellaVelour · 27/03/2019 13:11

I will always remember going shopping with my friend, when I was a size 16, and she moaned for AGES that the size 6 jeans she had tried on in Topshop “made her look fat”

As others have said, pick your audience. I’m not dismissing how people feel about their bodies, but I don’t necessarily want to hear about it.

Original poster
zunshine · 27/03/2019 13:11

I didn't exactly call myself fat, I told them I'd like to loose weight as I used to be slimmer. This might not make sense but I see women bigger than me and I don't think they need to loose any weight at all whereas I see myself and I think i do

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 27/03/2019 13:19

Why don’t the three of you find something less boring to talk about than your body shapes. Problem solved.

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 27/03/2019 13:21

I remember a friend coming out of my bathroom years ago and asking if my scales were broken because she’d just weighed herself and she was X stone and she couldn’t believe she weighed SO MUCH. At the time I weighed X+2 stone and was still very slim (not so much any more Grin) and this friend was a few inches taller than me. I was so shocked because if I’d lost two stone at that point I would have been gaunt! But for her, that number was HUGE.

We are all built so differently and everyone has their own happy weight or size!

Sonny23 · 27/03/2019 13:21

I think your friends were out of order tbh.

Your allowed to have insecurities about your body and your allowed to voice them, just like they are.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 27/03/2019 13:31

I think you are being insensitive and unreasonable to describe yourself as fat at a size 12. However, having body confidence issues at any size is totally fine, so I guess it's how you phrase it to your pals.

Fillywinterton · 27/03/2019 13:54

YANBU OP especially with how you say you worded it. What were you supposed to do. Change the subject? Can't do wrong for doing right! We all know as women weight and body image is a sensitive issue and we all end up trying to tip toe around it!

One of my friends is approximately a minus 10 she's that slim but when she wanted to have a moan about her tummy, I didn't go off on one at her, I let her have a moan as that's what friends are for.. Its not a reflection on you. Only that they feel comfortable enough to talk to you. They were being U. Not you.

BambooB · 27/03/2019 13:57

My mum has this issue at sliming world, but from the opposite side.

I always remind her that every single person has insecurities no matter what size they are.

What your saying could make others feel bad, but it'd be worse if you said "I feel fat. Not as fat as you though, haha."

PinkHeart5914 · 27/03/2019 13:58

Thing is if you say your fat when you are clearly smaller than them, it’s bound to make people feel a bit Hmm about you to be honest.

Also it’s bloody tedious hearing people whine on about being fat, wanting to lose weight etc. if you don’t like you weight take action and do something about it but please as a group of friends find something more exciting to talk about

blackteasplease · 27/03/2019 14:04

Yeah I'm a 12 and feel the same way . However I don't say that to people who are bigger. I say "I feel unfit " Or "I'd like to be fitter" if anything.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/03/2019 15:24

They probably are over overweight at a 14 to 16 unless they are both really tall.
Yanbu some people feel weight different.
For years I always put on over a stone in the winter less walking, heavier meals.
I look slim to others but I feel sluggish with my winter stone once the spring arrives.

MrFlibblesEyes · 27/03/2019 15:43

Everybody has days where they feel fat, it's about how you view yourself rather than a comparison to other people. I generally wear a size 8 but if I gain a few lbs it goes straight on my stomach and I get little rolls which I don't like on me. I know I'm not 'fat' as in overweight, but I also know how I prefer to look and that has no relation whatsoever to the people around me. I wouldn't feel any different if I was standing next to a size 16 person, nor would I look at a size 10/12 person and think they are fat, even though they would be bigger than me. I wonder if your size 14-16 friends would be comfortable saying they felt fat in front of someone who wore an 18 or 20?

EmeraldShamrock · 27/03/2019 16:09

I usually go from 7.9 to 8.9lb every winter, it might sound pathetic but I really feel it on my stomach and thighs when springs arrives.
I think it is sensory thing too.

bibliomania · 27/03/2019 16:20

If you're under 9lb, Emerald, you're definitely underweight. Unless you're a newborn.

Hiddenaspie1973 · 27/03/2019 16:27

It's irritating tbh.
I'm a 14.
My colleague is always saying "ooh this size 10 is too big, must take it back" or " ooh ive been bad this week and had half a raisin" (or the sw equivalent) 🙄

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 16:32

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