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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My friend talks about my child.....

92 replies

mummyodell · 15/03/2019 11:08

My friend has a child the same age as mine, they are now in the same class at school. She is constantly telling me tales her child has told her about mine and usually it's not very nice. Her child is of course, perfect, the one time a few years ago I asked her about something my child had told me she just said. Didn't happen. Which means my child is a liar! Since that time, I have never told or asked my friend anything my child has told me. Even when I feel really angry at some of the things she is saying to me. She even texts me sometimes with what her child has told her has been going on. Does this happen to anyone else?

OP posts:

kbPOW · 15/03/2019 11:10

She's not your friend. Next time she messages you, send a curt reply advising her to raise any concerns with school and that you don't want her to contact you any more

MumW · 15/03/2019 11:11

She's not a friend but just text back/tell her "it didn't happen" on repeat.

TwoRoundabouts · 15/03/2019 11:11

Your "friend" is mad.

Time for you to limit contact. Don't respond to her messages.

If she kicks up explain that children should be able to have friendships with one another without their parents intervention, as parents intervention into their relationships is setting them up for unhealthy relationships as adults.

MummyStruggles · 15/03/2019 11:14

Obviously, she's not a friend. Kid's tell tales all the time and she needs to realise this. I'd tell her next time, if she has any serious concerns, to take it up with the school.

Newadventure · 15/03/2019 11:14

Foooooooooo.. This would piss me off so much. I'd probably let it slide the first time but after that id be telling her to keep quiet.
Sounds like she's putting your dd down at any opportunity and that isn't on.
Tell her you don't want to hear it!

steppemum · 15/03/2019 11:15

I would distance the friendship.
It is up to you whether or not you tell her why.
I might reply to one of her texts with - you seem to believe your child with everything they say about mine. But that isn't backed up by school, who are very happy with her. Your own child is not perfect, and does similar things, but you seem to believe none of those happens. I am finding it too exhausting being friends with someone who denies her own child's faults while insist on pointing out every imagined thing they here via gossip about mine. Let's go our separate ways.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 15/03/2019 11:18

Ask your friend if she is also ?
Then block her.

Shockers · 15/03/2019 11:21

Her DD has worked out that gossip will get her mum’s attention. That’s pretty sad.

Margot33 · 15/03/2019 11:28

Wow that is so childish! Next time she sends you messages about what your child's supposed to have done/said. Just say, " Im not interested thanks. But if you have any concerns then talk to school." I had a friendship from my childrens school which soured. Due to the mother shouting at me and my (5/6) daughter that she was bullying her son. After all the screaming stopped I just turned my back and walked away. I needed to sit down calmly with my daughter and find out what happened. She said," nothing, he's just not nice so we don't play with him" The next day I spoke with school to ask if there was an issue that needed dealing with. It turned out her son was bullying other children and they were now retaliating! They had a word with my 'friend' and she ended up changing schools. Because her son would never do anything bad!!! Some parent's are bat shit crazy about their kids that they have to fight their battles for them!!!

Fatasfook · 15/03/2019 11:33

This is why I don’t do ‘friends’

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 15/03/2019 11:37

As pp said, just repeat 'It didn't happen' until she gets the message and shuts up.

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/03/2019 11:39

She is not your friend....

RearEnded00 · 15/03/2019 11:40

Gah!!! I hate this!! She's not a friend. She has competitive mother syndrome and will spend her time constantly making out to you that her child is so much better. She's also a gossip.

Rather than spell all this out in a text and give her more fodder, I would just quietly withdraw from involvement and give her a little opportunity as possible to carry on her games, unless she directly contacts you with something and then Margot33's reply is a good one.

You will find that you are not the only person she does this too. Focus on the nice people that your DD could play with and make sure she has interests outside of school. Best of luck.

Stifledlife · 15/03/2019 11:40

Reply "..and you're telling me this because..?"

Original poster

mummyodell · 15/03/2019 11:41

I'm am just so surprised at her, we were friends before kids so never, ever thought she would be like this! I am moving away from this friendship which is a shame but she has now started meeting mutual friends without asking me.... so I am assuming it is so she can talk about me/my kid. And actually..... I feel relieved not sad!

OP posts:

Rainbunny · 15/03/2019 11:43

Back away from her OP, she sounds toxic and I hate to say it but her child likely will grow up with these tendencies, hell she's already encouraging her child to tell tales to her. Hopefully your child will not want anything to to do with this other child and will naturally drift away from her.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/03/2019 11:44

Be relieved!

She isn't a friend.

But yes, the temptation to text back 'Didn't happen lol' would be immense!!!

Original poster

mummyodell · 15/03/2019 11:44

RearEnded00 - Competitive mother syndrome - You are spot on!!

OP posts:

Blink1982 · 15/03/2019 11:45

I had a woman like this. Teachers were telling me it was nothing but everytime her son mentioned anything it was gospel.

She screamed the playground down one day and was sending furious abuse to me on fb, whatsapp text everything. Her son said mine had punched hers in the face, thats what she then told everyone who would listen.

Teachers said my son was spinning round on the spot and her son walked into his arm while he was spinning. No punch.

Half a year later shes apologised but still tried to say ds has adhd or something. She can fuck off. I stop at hi/bye to keep the peace.

Milicentbystander72 · 15/03/2019 11:45

I think it's possible she somehow feels in competition with you. It's buts but deep down I reckon it's why she's acting this way.

I am still close friends with my ante-natal mums (25 years on!). They never put my dcs down or tell tales about them but there is a slight element of competition. First it was toddler milestones, then Primary School reading levels, now GCSE's and how popular each child is. It's not nasty but it's definitely there.

I think because she knew you before dcs and they are the same age, at the same school. She just feels like she has to be 'best' and her child is a reflection on her.

Def distance yourself. No-one needs a 'friend' like that.

Milicentbystander72 · 15/03/2019 11:46

Buts = crazy.

Milicentbystander72 · 15/03/2019 11:47

Heck! Not 25 years on either!......15 years on.

MRex · 15/03/2019 11:55

I'd cut contact; something like "You seem to be over-invested in your DD's playground gossip and tall tales. Please do not send me any more messages. If you have concerns about your DD then talk to the school."

I would also arrange to meet the other mutual friends and let them know you'd rather meet separately from her for a while until she gets past this odd phase she's going through.

CassettesAreCool · 15/03/2019 11:57

Hell is other parents sometimes OP. I would cut her out, and give some thought to getting some distance between your DC too, this woman sounds toxic.

mbosnz · 15/03/2019 12:01

Gosh, your 'friend' has quite the little tattle tale for a child, doesn't she? Most unappealing in a child. Even worse in an adult. . .

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