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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My friend talks about my child.....

92 replies

mummyodell · 15/03/2019 11:08

My friend has a child the same age as mine, they are now in the same class at school. She is constantly telling me tales her child has told her about mine and usually it's not very nice. Her child is of course, perfect, the one time a few years ago I asked her about something my child had told me she just said. Didn't happen. Which means my child is a liar! Since that time, I have never told or asked my friend anything my child has told me. Even when I feel really angry at some of the things she is saying to me. She even texts me sometimes with what her child has told her has been going on. Does this happen to anyone else?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 15/03/2019 14:46

No none of my friends do this, she is not a good friend at all.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/03/2019 14:52

Hee Hee zilla nice one.
OP.. those texts sound really intrusive and also a bit obsessive. That would drive me crackers. I think you've been very patient so far. I think I'd copy them in case you need to show them to the class teacher so they are aware what is going on and then just don't reply to any of them.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/03/2019 14:52

'Friend, do you realise that in the past month you've sent me 34 messages letting me know what my six year old is doing according to... another six year old? Look, I really don't care about rain clouds and lunches - suggest you take a step back too. Otherwise you're in for a looooong next ten years!'

Parly · 15/03/2019 15:07

My friend has a child the same age as mine, they are now in the same class at school. She is constantly telling me tales her child has told her about mine and usually it's not very nice. Her child is of course, perfect, the one time a few years ago I asked her about something my child had told me she just said. Didn't happen. Which means my child is a liar! Since that time, I have never told or asked my friend anything my child has told me. Even when I feel really angry at some of the things she is saying to me. She even texts me sometimes with what her child has told her has been going on. Does this happen to anyone else?

I used to give my kids a bollocking for telling me tales about other kids like that.

Honest to God I'd even stop them in their tracks and remind them that if they're about to start telling tales "just because" and for no reason they'd be in shit so should think first before they start.

Hate kids doing that I'm amazed you've put up with this from your friend up to this point.

Just say to her "OK so what do you want me to do? If you're telling me all this cos it's upsetting or bothering you then say what's bothering you and what do you want me to do about it? Otherwise I'm not interested"

atlastifoundit · 15/03/2019 15:08

"Oh, really? It's funny, my dc never mentions yours at all"

Parly · 15/03/2019 15:22

I was called into school when mine were in primary school once and it turned out was because this girl's mother was complaining that my daughter wouldn't play with hers on the yard.

Actually asked me into school over it and this grown woman sat there like a little bitch trying to get this taken seriously.

"Your daughter won't play with mine on the yard"

Me - "Yeah I know.. they don't like each other"

"Well no my daughter said she feels bullied and that your daughter won't play or join in games if she's playing and I don't think it's right"

Me - "Why?"

Silence from both the Mother and the teacher

"Seriously... why don't you think it's right? What do you want me to do?"

"Well don't you think you should be telling your daughter to behave nicer and treat people with more respect?"

"No. She and your daughter clash and as it happens your daughter is the one causing the grief and drama and deliberately making her friends feel they have to choose one or the other. She's been a piece of work since the day she joined the school so I just told her to stay out the way of her and not get drawn into the sort of thing you're pulling here. If you want me to tell my daughter she has to shut up and put up with a girl she doesn't like or force her to play and be around her when she would rather not be anywhere near - you're in for a long wait. I am not forcing either of my kids to be friends with people they don't like. If they're bullying and being nasty about it then that's an entirely different story and they'd know about it but if they just choose politely not to play with or get embroiled with drama I'm not interested"

Your friend sounds like her.

ClownpantsKate · 15/03/2019 15:42

If the classes get mixed up each year ask if your DD can be in the other class as the mum has "issues" with your child!

CoraPirbright · 15/03/2019 16:41

why did my friend feel the need to tell me that? If I need to know something the teacher will tell me.

I think you have just typed out your very own perfect reply!! Obvs put ‘you’ in place of ‘my friend’ and job’s a good ‘un.

NanooCov · 15/03/2019 16:50

Sorry my question re "tales" or "lies" cross posted with your earlier reply to Yabbers. Sounds like the woman is a gossip and her kid is following in her footsteps. I think a stock response of "The teacher will let me know if there's anything I need to know thanks" will suffice every time. Or just ignore completely.

krankykittykat · 15/03/2019 17:28

Time to find a new friend.
Ditch the bitch.

Fishwifecalling · 15/03/2019 17:46

*"Oh they do love telling tales at that age don't they! The teacher will let me know if there's anything I need to know thanks"

Stawp · 16/03/2019 17:57

Your "friend" and her daughter sound as delightful as a rotten tuna sandwiches.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 16/03/2019 18:18

I would just respond with “it’s bullshit lies. Perhaps your daughter gets the habit from you? I’m done with this relationship and will be blocking your number”

Serin · 16/03/2019 18:23

OP she sounds awful but your post has infuriated me. How can you let her get away with constantly criticising your DD. I mean this as nicely as possible but you need to defend your child before she grows up and realises that you were too scared of offending others to stand in her corner.

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/03/2019 18:24

I'd probably have fun with this, but then I'm an evil cow. I'd be responding with 'Such an imagination your daughter has, she'l probably be a novelist when she grows up ...'.

As has already been said, this woman is no friend of yours. Not anymore.

Ravenesque · 16/03/2019 18:28

There was a mum at my primary school, i.e. when I was a child, who was a bit like this but worse. How she got away with it all I have no idea, but her behaviour was out and out, over the top, scary mental.

I liked her daughter, her daughter liked me and for ages her mentalism had no impact on me at all but did on another friend's family and it was pretty horrific. Then my father died and for some reason she used this against my little brother and me, but mostly me. This was in the seventies, so excuse "really bad parenting leaving your child alone, the horror!" My mum needed to make more money after being widowed, so for two hours a day, but not every day, she was a barmaid in a pub, five minutes from our home. I could call her there if something was wrong at home and she would come straight home. I think I must have been a very mature ten year old although I became a very emotionally immature teenager/adult, so who knows! So her "game" to play was to call us when she knew my mother was working and breathe heavily down the phone and say "Raven, it's your daddy, I'm dying, I need water."

Some people are just fucking bad to the core. I don't know if she was normal before she had children, but she was certainly a monster when she did have them. The situation got sorted, the police were involved, but she then went on to harassing my "aunt" - actually my mum's cousin - who lived a couple of doors down from her.

Break all contact with her, tell the school about her stupid behaviour and look forward to your daughter being at a different school next year. The daughter of the monster and I went to different schools and that was the last we knew of what the mentalist was up to.

jasmine1971 · 16/03/2019 18:34

OP, I really don't think this lady is your friend. Fill your life with the people that bring you happiness and joy :-)

HomeMadeMadness · 16/03/2019 18:35

I also agree with PP parents who encourage their kids to tell tales by revelling in the minor misdemeanors of other people's kids really aren't doing their child any favours. I'm very clear with both of mine - you only tell to get someone out of trouble not into it. By all means tell me if you think your friend needs adult help but not just so you can get them in trouble.

jade9390 · 16/03/2019 18:35

Yes, as others have said, it sounds like a competitive mother. She also sounds like she does not have much of a life and over interested in other people's.

HomeMadeMadness · 16/03/2019 18:35

@Ravenesque WTAF that woman sounds like she is a sociopath.

Boysey45 · 16/03/2019 18:40

Friend sounds a bit not all there/ a trouble causer. What I'd say is like others have said I don't get involved or want to hear any more kids tittle tattle. I'm too busy please don't text me or contact me with anymore of this. Thanks.

OutOntheTilez · 16/03/2019 18:47

Jesus. OP, she is no friend of yours. She’s using her child and your child to make herself feel better. She’s competitive and pathetic. Next time she texts you to blab, text back that you are not interested, she can take up any issues with the school, and you will be ignoring her future texts of this sort. Then ignore her texts; don’t even read them, just delete them right away. If you see her face-to-face and she starts spouting some BS, cut her off immediately and tell her to take it up with the school. Then walk away. If she keeps approaching you with her crap, say, “You know, it’s really pathetic that you need to use children to make yourself feel superior. Now stop harassing us.” Come to think of it, that might work pretty well in a text, too.

My SIL is like this, except she’s way more subtle. But it’s there. Unfortunately, her husband and children have turned into her: Very snarky, superior and entitled. It’s draining to be around them.

Your shoulders will be lighter when you dump this burden.

Ravenesque – Good God, what a nightmare that woman was. Yes, a complete sociopath.

HappyBumbleBee · 16/03/2019 18:49

I've had this - sadly not by a friend but family member 😔 I've always buried the hurt and not bothered reporting back on my younger family member to his mum as the one and only time I did, I and my child were virtually called liars and claims it never happened etc

Dimsumlosesum · 16/03/2019 18:51

No. Absolute immature dramallama. You don't need that pathetic shit in your life.

youarenotkiddingme · 16/03/2019 18:52

It's easy. Just reply same way she did verbally or by text.

"Never happened".

If she argues just say well she felt able to say that and you do too.

Oh, and she's no friend.