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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH says I'm rude for not going

66 replies

rathertired · 10/03/2019 09:27

Possibly outing but I'm past caring Grin
OH mum and dad haven't seen the kids in four weeks because we haven't been over. We normally go every weekend but past few weekends we haven't he has been working and I have sickle cell anemia so I'm exhausted all the time I just like staying at home really when I'm this tired.

I said to OH why can't they just visit us he said his dad can't drive now because he's nearly gone blind and his mum doesn't do long distances. They have a holiday home 2-3 hours away they both took it in turns to drive there the other weekend. We live 30 minutes away on the motorway for about 20 minutes that's it.

OH said he's going over when he finishes work today about 5 I said I'm not going I just want to chill out. He says I'm rude because I haven't seen them for weeks. I don't see why it's down to us all the time surely if they can drive to there holiday home they can come here?

When we first had DD they were here all the time.

Aibu?

OP posts:
WhenZogateSuperworm · 10/03/2019 09:30

No if they are still driving to other things then 30 minutes to your house seems doable. However if they genuinely can’t make this drive then I think you should make the effort every few weeks.

Could you meet them half way sometimes?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 10/03/2019 09:32

he said his dad can't drive now because he's nearly gone blind and his mum doesn't do long distances. They have a holiday home 2-3 hours away they both took it in turns to drive there the other weekend.

He is nearly blind and still has his licence ? why have you not reported this to the DVLA? Seriously? you know he's out on the roads??

Huntawaymama · 10/03/2019 09:32

You're not being rude, they could come to you.
My in-laws are the same. Live 20 mins away and never come here. I try to take the kids fortnightly but tbh I fet sick of always making the effort. They complain to my husband they hardly see us but if I didn't drag him there they'd never see him.

Just let your husband rake the kids and you get some rest

Mascarponeandwine · 10/03/2019 09:33

NBU. They just don’t want to, of course it’s far easier from their POV if you make the effort than them.

Its your OH that needs to give his head a wobble. It’s perfectly fine to be poorly and not go.

I also get irrationally irritated by women who have a licence, no predisposing health conditions but “don’t do long distances”. Of 30 minutes Confused. When it suits them of course.

BlueMerchant · 10/03/2019 09:34

YANBU. Don't go. They can't be bothered to come see you all but they can be bothered to go on a much longer drive to their holiday home. Cheek of it. The kids would be staying at home with me too!.
Yes, unfortunately there are those types of people who enjoy the novelty of a new baby but drift away when the newness wears off. They aren't worth the effort.

Soubriquet · 10/03/2019 09:34

I would be scared of that fact that a blind man is driving!!!

Original poster
rathertired · 10/03/2019 09:36

@PlainSpeakingStraightTalking he's going through that at the moment he's blind when he looks to the side not straight forward.

@BlueMerchant it is so cheeky and OH makes excuses for them all the time I'm sick of it.

OP posts:
DamonSalvatoresDinner · 10/03/2019 09:47

YANBU.
Mil recently moaned at me saying that FIL hadn't seen the kids in 4 weeks.

They live two streets behind us. IL's don't work now so are always around and FIL goes for walks for miles at least 3 times a week. One of those walks goes right past our house but in the 3 years we've lived here he has never popped round. Ever.
We always have to go see them.

I just shrug off every time they complain about not seeing the kids by breezily saying "Nothing stopping you coming to ours, you're always welcome!"

isabellerossignol · 10/03/2019 09:50

You're not being rude.

My in-laws live 5 minutes away and refuse to visit, expecting us to come to them. I rarely go, and as the kids have got older they generally choose not to go either.

It's completely within their control to see more of their grandchildren, but they aren't interested.

Redwinestillfine · 10/03/2019 10:02

I'm so glad neither my parents or in-laws think it's their 'right' to see the kids at set times. What a nightmare. That must really tie you down at weekends. Time to ease them into not expecting this every weekend. Maybe start going on e a month and if they want to see you more often they can sort it out. If your DH disagrees he can take the kids more and you can have some me time.

Bluetrews25 · 10/03/2019 10:06

Obviously the roads are only open in one direction between you and them. Hmm Happens a lot.
BUT do you want them popping around all the time? You can't have it both ways, and it might be easier for you to go over now and again rather than have MIL realise how easy it is to come round every day of the week, and then need fending off.
OP

userschmoozer · 10/03/2019 10:07

Does your OH think sickle cell is a fake illness?

UnspiritualHome · 10/03/2019 10:09

he's going through that at the moment he's blind when he looks to the side not straight forward.

He's not a safe driver then. How can he check the road is clear before he pulls out at junctions or changes lanes? How is he going to see bike before he turns, or a child or animal running into the road?

BertrandRussell · 10/03/2019 10:10

He takes the kids. You rest. Win/win.

ssd · 10/03/2019 10:10

You stay home and get a rest op, let him run after his selfish parents if he wants

CalmdownJanet · 10/03/2019 10:12

Yanbu. Even if the holiday home thing wasn't a factor, they are his parents, its nice to visit your parents alone sometimes. Dh and the kids are off to see his parents today and I'm not going, no guilt, no expectation, I'll send them off with a "tell everyone I was asking for them", they aren't my parents so meh, every few visits I'll pop in too, otherwise I leave them too it. Tell your dh to cop on, he just doesn't want to go alone

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/03/2019 10:13

Who is being rude? You are ill and tired.
I think demanding visits and being unaccomodating about it is rude.
Nip this in the bud.. its a form of emotional blackmail. (sorry for being so blunt) a way of getting you to do what everyone else wants, Make him say.. who has said its rude? Or is he just conditioned to do everything MIL says? irrespective of your own needs. YANBU.

Whisky2014 · 10/03/2019 10:14

You're not being rude. His parents. Why do you need to see them?

FamilyOfAliens · 10/03/2019 10:16

he's blind when he looks to the side not straight forward.

Ah that’s all right then. Peripheral vision is so overrated.

SapatSea · 10/03/2019 10:17

Your health comes first, you need to have some reserves for your DC.Let your OH take them if he feels that stronghy, they are his parents after all. I really dislike when men offload all the IL visits to their wife/OH aand you can end p feeling like a virtual "captive" at the IL's house.

Rest up and try to not feel guilty (as womaen always seem to about this sort of thing) let him take some of the load.

Karigan195 · 10/03/2019 10:20

Sorry I can’t get past the nearly blind/blind when he looks to the side and the fact he’s still driving! OMG! Which county is this so I can avoid it.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 10/03/2019 10:20

he's blind when he looks to the side not straight forward.

excellent. marvellous.

Selfish b'stard. He can CHOOSE to stop driving.

JaniceBattersby · 10/03/2019 10:21

Christ alive. The issue here is that your ‘nearly blind’ FIL is still driving a car. Phone the DVLA.

user1457017537 · 10/03/2019 10:21

From what I understand sickle cell anemia is very painful so no, I wouldn’t be visiting. How about they have some sympathy for your condition.

Lovemusic33 · 10/03/2019 10:26

I hardly ever take the kids to see my mum for the same reason, they never come over to see us but if I don’t go over she starts calling me and saying “oh, we haven’t seen you for a while” and then my step dad lectures me on not visiting enough, I think they forget that I have a life and my time is limited. I often pop in on my own on the way home from work but rarely take the kids over as weekends are busy.

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