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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH says I'm rude for not going

66 replies

rathertired · 10/03/2019 09:27

Possibly outing but I'm past caring Grin
OH mum and dad haven't seen the kids in four weeks because we haven't been over. We normally go every weekend but past few weekends we haven't he has been working and I have sickle cell anemia so I'm exhausted all the time I just like staying at home really when I'm this tired.

I said to OH why can't they just visit us he said his dad can't drive now because he's nearly gone blind and his mum doesn't do long distances. They have a holiday home 2-3 hours away they both took it in turns to drive there the other weekend. We live 30 minutes away on the motorway for about 20 minutes that's it.

OH said he's going over when he finishes work today about 5 I said I'm not going I just want to chill out. He says I'm rude because I haven't seen them for weeks. I don't see why it's down to us all the time surely if they can drive to there holiday home they can come here?

When we first had DD they were here all the time.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Feb2018mumma · 10/03/2019 10:27

The in-laws should understand you don't have energy and be happy to see their son! You are not rude, you are just trying to save your energy for your children which is the best thing to do Flowers

greenpop21 · 10/03/2019 10:33

It's unreasonable to have to see your in-laws every weekend imo! Stay at home.

outpinked · 10/03/2019 10:34

Failing to understand why he can’t just take your DC and you stay home? Surely that’s a simple compromise.

I would report FIL to DVLA.

ssd · 10/03/2019 10:36

Op do you not care he's blind and still driving?

Loseitandkeepitlost · 10/03/2019 10:37

It does sound as though your FIL should not be driving, but that’s everywhere not just to yours!

Your FIL’s sight and ability to drive need to be seriously looked at. Poor peripheral vision whilst driving is dangerous.

That aside YANBU not to visit!

Original poster
rathertired · 10/03/2019 10:38

By the way I never said it was right him driving, he doesn't drive anymore anyway and has stopped working but on this occasion he did drive.

OH mentioned something about them deciding whether to revoke his licence I'm sure he has an appointment coming up.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 10/03/2019 10:38

Yanbu.
I hope you get on with your in laws really well. Otherwise how awful to be tied to seeing them every weekend. Far too much for me, but then mine are a chore not a pleasure.

ssd · 10/03/2019 10:39

You should phone the DVLA
Would you like him driving in the same street your kids are trying to cross?

Holidayshopping · 10/03/2019 10:41

If he’s nearly blind, he shouldn’t be driving!

Original poster
rathertired · 10/03/2019 10:42

@ssd he doesn't drive as I said on this occasion he drove to the holiday home. He doesn't have a car anymore.

OP posts:
Bluesmartiesarebest · 10/03/2019 10:43

YANBU

You are ill and I’m guessing that your PIL don’t understand and aren’t sympathetic to the extreme fatigue that sickle cell causes. Is your DH generally supportive towards your condition? How is being ill ‘rude’?

The bigger issue is that FIL is nearly blind but is still driving. Your DH needs to insist that his father stops driving.

miaCara · 10/03/2019 10:44

My PIL have never visited -ever. They live about 10 minutes away and have the rest of the family around them so feel no need to come and see us in our home.
Im fine with that actually.
I force send DH and the kids round there every month or so and that suffices . Sometimes I will go if it suits me but often I dont because it doesnt.
There are no rules about this as far as I can make out. You do what gets you through without causing pain to other people.
If none of you went to see them and they couldnt get to you that would be another matter. They are still mobile so the ball is in their court.

PuppyMonkey · 10/03/2019 10:46

He doesn’t drive. Except when he does drive. GrinConfused

Original poster
rathertired · 10/03/2019 10:47

@Bluesmartiesarebest I don't think he realises how hard it is he thinks I'm lazy and it's an excuse but really I have 0 energy everyday with the kids is a struggle for me.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 10/03/2019 10:52

YANBU. If your Dh wants to visit his parents then tell him to head off. You don't have to visit them at all if you don't want to. You don't need to make excuses about feeling tired etc. You simply say you don't have an interest in going. He might think it rude but so what? Does he visit your family every week? If so point out to him that he doesn't have to. I really don't get this notion that people have to interact with their inlaws once married. Tell him you married him and are quite happy to spend time with him, but you are not obliged to spend time with his family.

ssd · 10/03/2019 10:53

I sympathise with you op but if he drives then he's driving

Bluesmartiesarebest · 10/03/2019 10:56

I’m not surprised to hear that he isn’t sympathetic. It’s a good idea for him to speak to a health professional who can tell him. Some people need it spelled out to them to understand. I have a chronic illness which causes extreme exhaustion too and it made life much easier once my family knew how it affected me.

Yougotdis · 10/03/2019 11:04

Tell him he’s welcome to go with the kids but your not. You have no obligation to his parents.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 10/03/2019 11:06

DH goes with the kids then
You stay home, you have a chronic health condition and you need to rest.
You'll go again - sometimes - when you're well enough.
In laws could get public transport or tbh an uber for that distance
DH's problem is what exactly?

ideasofmarch · 10/03/2019 11:06

Why can't he go over and collect them, and bring them back to yours? That's what we do.

NannyRed · 10/03/2019 11:06

You are being no more rude than your in laws. Are they being rude in not visiting you? Or does your dh see no wrong in them?

Tell him to jog on and enjoy your evening alone.

IHateUncleJamie · 10/03/2019 11:06

YANBU and I’m sorry you’re ill. Flowers

WRT to your FIL, he doesn’t have to have a car. If he’s still driving ANYTHING EVER with severely impaired vision then you must report him to the DVLA. He could kill someone.

Waveysnail · 10/03/2019 11:07

Perfect opportunity for dh to.go.while you rest

IHateUncleJamie · 10/03/2019 11:08

How is being ill ‘rude’?

Exactly. It’s not “rude” being ill and/or disabled.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 10/03/2019 11:09

Your dh only wants you to tag along to be the number one child carer while he does naff all.
Ime...

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