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AIBU?

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Original poster

Men and Porn/Girl pics

53 replies

CM7900X · 05/03/2019 10:54

Hoping for some clarity here on the general consensus when it comes tp men and porn. Where do you draw the line ?

Are you happy for your other half to watch Porn and look at naked photos of women online etc? To be clear, no personal contact I.e no chatting/messaging etc just looking.....

Does it bother you or make you feel inadequate ? Found a lot of it on DH phone, Porn vids, photos, girls profiles and absolutely crucified him for it but on reflection think I may have been unreasonable. We've been together 17 years with 3DS and he's always been brilliant no trust issues . Weve watched porn together but there's something about him doing it alone thats pissed me off

Are you ok with your other halves looking at and searching for these vids and pics or would you feel hurt ?

OP posts:
MummyStruggles · 05/03/2019 11:29

I caught my ex doing it lots and it really pissed me off but i know my husband does it now and it doesn't bother me.

There's a back story but at the time, I didn't trust ex bf and he blamed it on me being pregnant because I didn't want much sex at 38 weeks preggers!

But my husband is a completely different person and loves me unconditionally, he just likes to watch it now and again and I don't have any issues with it this time round.

Original poster
CM7900X · 05/03/2019 11:35

Thanks mummystruggles
I think some of it is linked to my own insecurities, DH is good as gold but this just didn't sit right Sad

OP posts:
thefirst48 · 05/03/2019 11:37

Completely fine with it. I watch porn by myself too.

Sparklesocks · 05/03/2019 11:40

I don’t mind him watching it, I understand it’s not anything related to our sex life.
But what do you mean by girls profiles?

GloryforGloves · 05/03/2019 11:45

I don’t like it and I changed the goal posts in our relationship in regards to porn.

I used to be fine with him watching porn and knew DP watched it quite a bit. We’d sometimes watch it together too, though I would never watch it by myself. Then when I became pregnant my feelings about it changed drastically. I felt insecure in myself but I also started to see if it in a different, exploitative way. I think part of it was wanting tenderness (which DP does give me) but knowing what he could be watching treats women as tools for a man’s pleasure and not as equals. But it just felt gross to me. Something I hadn’t expected.

We had a few months where I asked DP to cut back and then I asked him to stop altogether as I couldn’t cope with it. He eventually realised it had become habitual and not a pleasure. He doesn’t watch it now and he seems nicer thinking about it.

Original poster
CM7900X · 05/03/2019 11:47

Sparklesocks...pictures of girls with details for example "Rachel,33, London"...that sort of thing

OP posts:
Original poster
CM7900X · 05/03/2019 11:49

I guess it's the thought of him getting horny looking at these girls. It feels a bit like betrayal.

OP posts:
My3boys9910 · 05/03/2019 14:03

Its an absoloute no for me...i would be devastated & look into it drastically...their hair colour...figure...age...but im very insecure...I would love the confidence to not be bothered...My OH wouldnt like me to do it either...its not for us.X

SallyWD · 05/03/2019 14:08

It doesn't bother me at all if my DH does it discretely and occasionally. I would have a problem if I felt he was becoming obsessed and looking at it for hours.

Skittlesss · 05/03/2019 14:11

It depends. I don’t mind him going onto porn sites and watching videos whilst having a wank, but if he kept the videos on his phone and randomly looked at them, or had photos that he scrolled through then I wouldn’t like it.

disneyspendingmoney · 05/03/2019 14:16

you know the but I never understand about this is how easy these blokes make to find the porn, a casual search and there it is..

beenandgoneandbackagain · 05/03/2019 14:18

I used to be okay with porn but these days I know a bit more about the industry behind it, and how it treats women, and also the responsibility the porn industry has in normalising mistreatment of women in horrendous ways, so it's a big no from me.

MaMaMaMySharona · 05/03/2019 14:23

It doesn't really bother me if DP watches porn as long as he's not engaging in actual conversations with people or paying for it. I'd rather not know about what he does in his private time!

MrsFionaCharming · 05/03/2019 14:32

I’d have an issue from an ethical perspective, and think less of DP for not considering those issues.

Of course, for all I know he does look and just doesn’t tell me.

Confusedbeetle · 05/03/2019 14:35

I have absolutely zero tolerance of porn. It is demeaning to women and disrespectful to partners. It teaches men and boys all the wrong messages about loving sex and what women want ) as opposed to pretending to want/trying to please) It also gives all the wrong messages about bodies. Eg the post yesterday when an OH thought his partner should depilate her anus. When it becomes a habit it also has a negative effect on actual performance

Alsohuman · 05/03/2019 14:37

My issue is the ethical one. When we first got together I explained my reasons and told him if he wanted porn to be part of his life he’d better find someone else who would tolerate it.

Tomtontom · 05/03/2019 14:41

No problem at all with porn, my partner watches and so do I.

I have a friend in the industry, has been for years, and as long as you stick with the mainstream providers there's no issues around consent or trafficking. Some women actually like having sex on camera.

Chocolate1984 · 05/03/2019 15:19

I think the porn industry is normalising rape and violence against women and girls. The titles are all about violence, rape, gang rape, incest, child rape, Lolita. Look at the murders that have been linked to porn fantasy? If your partner is watching porn that's what he is watching.

whatsthepointthen · 05/03/2019 15:21

Doesnt bother me 🤷‍♀️

Wedgiecar58 · 05/03/2019 15:27

@GloryforGloves Do you honestly believe that he doesn't watch it at all, since you asked him not to?

AlmostAJillSandwich · 05/03/2019 15:29

Me and OH had a very open discussion about it before we started dating, both feel its wrong to do in a relationship so he doesn't.

peachgreen · 05/03/2019 15:43

No. I think porn can only ever have a negative impact on a couple's sex life. We both used to watch it and had that experience in previous relationships, so mutually agreed to stop once we got married. I'm so glad we did. Sex is much better.

GloryforGloves · 05/03/2019 15:43

@Wedgiecar58 I’m not naive enough to say I know 100% that he doesn’t watch it, however since DS was born we’ve had a lot less ‘alone’ time each (with our work patterns, his DM stays a couple of nights, etc). If he was still watching, it would be very rare as the opportunity just isn’t there. Plus he’s since repicked up a hobby he had years ago and that I think replaces a lot of the ‘porn’ time.

I hope he doesn’t watch it and I just have to trust that he doesn’t.

Bellasorellaa · 05/03/2019 16:26

im not a fan of it tbh i have had two porn addicted exes and both are weirdos and abusive

SilverySurfer · 05/03/2019 16:55

I have zero interest in porn. An ex partner of mine watched it a lot and I didn't say anything until he started wanting our sex together to get more porn-like. That was not something I was prepared to do so ended the relationship.

I know someone in her early 20s whose boyfriend learnt pretty much all he knows about sex by watching porn. She is his first girl friend. He only wants anal sex and can't keep an erection with piv. The first time they had sex he produced a butt plug and seemed shocked that she didn't want him to use it on her. IMO porn has ruined his perception of what most people would call 'normal' sex.