Men and Porn/Girl pics

[CM7900X]

Hoping for some clarity here on the general consensus when it comes tp men and porn. Where do you draw the line ?

Are you happy for your other half to watch Porn and look at naked photos of women online etc? To be clear, no personal contact I.e no chatting/messaging etc just looking.....

Does it bother you or make you feel inadequate ? Found a lot of it on DH phone, Porn vids, photos, girls profiles and absolutely crucified him for it but on reflection think I may have been unreasonable. We've been together 17 years with 3DS and he's always been brilliant no trust issues . Weve watched porn together but there's something about him doing it alone thats pissed me off

Are you ok with your other halves looking at and searching for these vids and pics or would you feel hurt ?

Lots of mixed thoughts thank you gives me food for thought. I just can't help thinking with very regular sex why the hell he needs this. But I guess only he can answer that. We watch it together so I have no problem ethically, it's just a feeling that if he's horny then he should come to me I rarely ever say no. Does he need more spice after 17 years of sex with just me ? I can kind of understand that but need to work out how to go about it without feeling hurt...maybe I'm just not cut out for experimentation

Silverysurfer
Yes my DH too has started asking for different things... most of which I'm ok with but some have me 50/50 I.e he'd like to watch me with another girl. I'm not totally against the idea, I'm curious, but can't stand the thought of him near another naked woman. poor bloke doesn't stand a chance as I can't seem to workout what I want

I'm not thrilled about it for no reason other than being very aware I look nothing like the women he watches in porn. I'm 8 months pregnant with a shit ton of stretch marks, but that's my issue really.

If I looked great I probably wouldn't care so I've never commented on his use of porn even though I know he uses it.

I'd rather not know what he watches though, as that's only likely to exasperated any insecurities I have, so long as he keeps it to himself it's fine by me.

I would definitely have a problem with this.

I’m not a member of the cool girls club, i think it is damaging and having an adverse effect on society and damages relationships

YABU.

I guess it's the thought of him getting horny looking at these girls. It feels a bit like betrayal.

You do realise he’ll seen women on a regular basis that’ll make him horny?

I have no issue with DH watching porn, but in our relationship, I watch more porn than DH does. It doesn’t change how I feel about him or how attractive I think he is.

If he was jealous and insecure then that would make him less attractive and change my opinion of him.

Sorry to derail OP but to those who aren't bothered about their partners watching porn and do not feel insecure, how do you feel about the content? Do you know what their preferences are? For example, "teen" porn and incestual porn makes me feel very uneasy (stepdaughter for exameple) and if I discovered my DP watching this I don't think I could look at him the same way tbh. How can you be sure your partner isn't watching this? How would you feel if they were?

What I mean is it's all very well not being made to feel insecure. But does anyone actually care to know what their partner watches?

I have a really bizarre rule in that I'm cool with porn, if it's an actual porn video and not armature "real people" it sounds really stupid but it doesn't bother me if they are porn stars rather than Jenifer from London that you might see walking down the street.
I don't know why but that's my rule with it
Profiles of girls or stuff like that are a no go as I find that personal and definitely not saving stuff to his phone

Sorry to derail OP but to those who aren't bothered about their partners watching porn and do not feel insecure, how do you feel about the content?

AmIOTTconcerned As long as it isn’t illegal, I don’t care about the content. Fantasy is just that, fantasy. It doesn’t mean you want it to cross over into real life.

I can think of plenty I fantasise about that I wouldn’t want to enact in real life, and I know my choices are far more out there than DH’s.

I wouldn't like this at all - the content, the unrealistic representations of women in sex, the way performers are treated, the fact that women aren't really making money off. The content I think now is much more hardcore than in the days of Playboy and even what we now know about the Playboy mansion shows what a truly sad and dangerous business it is.

I have a really bizarre rule in that I'm cool with porn, if it's an actual porn video and not armature "real people"

I get why you feel like this as it’s easier to imagine your husband sleeping with Jenny from London than a famous pornstar - but I think feeling like that just reinforces the problem that women in porn (especially professional) are dehumanised. If we don’t view them like ‘real people’ they can be exploited and degraded as it’s not ‘real’ IYSWIM.

poor bloke

^

Not something I'd say about him in this context, tbh

I’d rather not know about it but am pretty certain he still does it. We had a baby four months ago and he’s still EBF so my sex drive has plummeted. I wouldn’t really blame him for watching it right now. It did piss me off when he watched it despite us having regular sex, I just didn’t see the point.

@GloryforGloves fair enough. I only asked because I’m pretty sure if I asked my DH to give up porn (I wouldn’t) I’m sure he’d tell me that’s fine and just carry on.

Just to add to the conversation, whenever i’ve discussed porn with DH (more ribbing him, he WFH so I always tease asking how many wanks he’s had today)... he says he prefers to watch our homemade phone videos. I don’t really believe this as we haven’t made any in years so they must all be really old material! But a part of me friends it endearing that he cares enough to fib!

I don’t accept it in my relationship. Nothing to do with insecurity and everything to do with the nature of the industry. What it does to women is hideous. It’s damaging and I wish people would cease to use it.

It did piss me off when he watched it despite us having regular sex, I just didn’t see the point.

outpinked DH and I have regular sex but I still masturbate on my own frequently. Sometimes, I just want a bit of me time. It’s good to explore your own body and get familiar with it; so many women don’t.

Why do you not mind watching porn together but you are against him watching it alone?

AmIOTT: DH said he watches lesbians when I asked him. I don’t really care to be honest, it’s just his fantasy - we all have them.

I used to be really insecure and got really upset when my ex watched porn, but I guess that’s why the relationship wasn’t right. With DH it’s different and it doesn’t seem to bother me. Been together ten years now.

This is a really interesting article - as is the book it references.

I think it's ok to not feel ok about your OH watching porn.

AmIOTTconcerned No I dont care what porn he watches. You do realise women watch porn aswell right?

I have no tolerance for it. I don't like the exploitive side of it.
Plus who really likes the their oh getting off on another woman's genitals. It's all so graceless.

I would find it unacceptable.

whatsthepointthen

Where in my most did I limit pork to something only men watched? I never said anything to suggest women don't

Pork

Obviously I meant porn!