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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think two bottles of wine was a bit excessive?

70 replies

Rockingaroundtheikeatree · 02/03/2019 03:05

Am I just really boring or am I right to be annoyed that DH drunk his own bottle of wine red and then mine (white) too after I'd gone to bed? Differentiated to explain why one "his" and "mine" as he doesn't usually drink white

We have a baby so I don't really drink much anymore, I had a glass tonight and probably would have tomorrow tonight

It's just annoying because he gets drunk on his own, falls asleep in front of loud tv etc

But it is a Friday night and he's a nice enough drunk... AIBU? We used to drink a fair amount together and I do feel like the fun police going to bed early although it's necessary as DC a bad sleeper

OP posts:
NakedAvenger · 02/03/2019 03:17

Ah. It's Friday. Let him be. Although I can hold my drink pretty well and a bottle and half is me pretty drunk. 2 bottles I'd be wasted and tomorrow wouldn't be pretty.

In my heyday drinking days in London I knew a bottle of wine plus one large glass was my absolute limit.

I'd be more pissed off that I wouldn't have any wine for tomorrow.

StBernard · 02/03/2019 03:20

I'd let him off if it's not regular and he's usually helpful. However I'd want the bottle of white replacing tomorrow and he wouldn't be getting cut any slack for feeling shit tomorrow! Wake him at normal time!

Longdistance · 02/03/2019 03:21

Well, the part of this I’m not approving of is drinking a bottle of red, then a bottle of white. But, also drinking my wine would cause me to smother my dh with a pillow. It’s an unwritten rule in our house that we don’t drink each other’s wine.

Seniorschoolmum · 02/03/2019 03:35

Had he had a bad day?
If it’s only once, I’d let him off but make sure he replaces the white wine.

IncrediblySadToo · 02/03/2019 03:37

You need to think about what it is that you’re really annoyed about.

There are several possibilities in your post & they need tackling differently depending on what the real issue is

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 02/03/2019 03:40

In before someone suggests he has a drinking problem...

RainyDaysSunnyNights · 02/03/2019 03:42

I'd be pissed off. 2 bottles is a lot especially when you are going to bed early because a) you're knackered because you're up through the night with his child... and b) you can't be drunk because you're up through the night with his child and c) he'll be snoring away and unable to help to give you a break so you could be less A and more B!

Girlzroolz · 02/03/2019 03:55

I get cross about this too. I can’t mix drinks, and prefer sparkling white.

If we go out, we bring a bottle of sparkling, and a red. Everyone polishes off ‘mine’ in the first round, then sits into the night on multiple bottles of red. With close friends I have been known to ‘forget’ the bottle of white in the car or handbag, until they open the reds. It’s the only way to get a drink! Blush

At home, I’m more forthright. Anything else is fair game (red, rosé, beer, liquor, liqueurs) but drinking up my sparkling needs to be checked with me. I’ll usually say yes, or ‘yes but you replace it tomorrow’. If I know I’ll want one or two glasses, then it’s a firm no. Fair’s fair.

BudgieBird · 02/03/2019 04:17

Right, I'll be the first one to say it...two bottles is too much to drink in one go. Is this a typical amount for him?

Margot33 · 02/03/2019 04:36

If I buy wine like you, I prefer a glass each day over the weekend. My husband has to drink the entire bottle in one evening. I don't get it?! It's so selfish and inconsiderate. It's like eating an entire chocolate cake instead of saving some for the next day. I've stopped buying wine now. Ask your husband to replace your wine tomorrow. Next time hide your bottle in the garage/bedroom!

moomoomummy · 02/03/2019 04:42

Two issues here. You were hoping to have another glass tomorrow so that's annoying and inconsiderate.
Secondly drinking two bottles of wine is way over your recommended weekly intake of 14 units. This is harmful to your health in many ways. It seems to be normalised in the UK now . Most drinkers don't want to hear it.

kateandme · 02/03/2019 04:54

hmmm I think hes had a lot when I see one polished off!

kateandme · 02/03/2019 04:55

if I saw two in the bin id be really worried

Original poster
Rockingaroundtheikeatree · 02/03/2019 05:16

@Longdistance 😂 you're right, it's a crime on so many levels!

@IncrediblySadToo yes, that's true. I suppose I'm annoyed about several things. I would love him to have a healthier lifestyle but I feel like such an old nag (he doesn't always drink this much but it's not rare rare either - he drunk three one weekend about a month ago! There are other things like diet, lack of exercise etc I worry about too)

I'm also cross because the loud TV keeps me awake and although I think it's unreasonable to ask him to turn it off really early (and because of layout sound carries even when I ask him to turn it down) but he usually falls asleep anyway so isn't even watching it, and then baby starts the hourly wake ups from 12.

We always talk about me having a lie in one day at the weekend but it never seems to happen and it's mostly because I'm too soft so I'm annoyed with myself too. Baby will be up about 6 so maybe I should hand over then!

And obviously it's annoying that I can't have any wine tomorrow 😊 perhaps I also miss the dynamic we used to have and subconsciously resent that he can carry on as usual and I have the responsibilities. BUT I love being a mum and life now and I wouldn't swap it for anything or want to start drinking again now that I know how much nicer it is to not be hungover and useless at the weekend or drunk and daft on a Friday or Saturday night.

So there we have it. Ah I guess I'm being a bit mean. We'll let it go this time but I do want him to cut down for his health

OP posts:
Original poster
Rockingaroundtheikeatree · 02/03/2019 06:49

I've just given him DS and he looked horrified but to be fair he's taken him down for breakfast without too much fuss. Now I feel really mean 😈

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 02/03/2019 06:53

That’s a lot to drink, really, just on his own.

Tatapie · 02/03/2019 06:56

Sod that, enjoy your lie in!
He was rude to drink your wine and it was an excessive amount of alcohol to drink. Perhaps he'll suffer this morning and think twice next time!

Tatapie · 02/03/2019 06:58

Ps from a hangover I mean, not from having your child, he should do and enjoy that every weekend regardless!

SallyWD · 02/03/2019 07:00

If it's a rare occurrence I'd let him off. If he frequently drinks 2 bottles of wine I'd be very concerned. I used to be with an alcoholic and that's how much he'd drink every night.

SaturdayNext · 02/03/2019 07:07

Get earphones for the TV and make him use them.

Vulpine · 02/03/2019 07:11

Sorry he sounds like a selfish arse. Getting pissed and passing out on sofa in front of loud tv is just twatty and not caring who his actions affect. And 2 bottles is way too much to be drinking on your own

Fishwifecalling · 02/03/2019 07:39

Ask him to leave you some. Tell him it's bad enough you being unable to join him and you feel slightly jealous, but it makes you feel worse when you can't even have another glass the next night because he's drunk it all. Ask him to be considerate in future but don't be annoyed at him which will automatically put him on the defensive.

IncrediblySadToo · 02/03/2019 07:41

Ah, right then. Pretty much every aslevy of it 🤣

Do not feel at all guilty!! This parenting lark NEEDS to impact him too. Not just the nice cuddles from DS when he fancies!

...and tomorrow is your lie in. Today doesn’t count because you had to get up for DS to hand him over.

He can go and buy you wine today for tonight.

It’s a PITA if the TV keeps you awake even in low. However, he will need to use head phones if he’s choosing to stay up later than his sexy, lovely wife 🤷🏻‍♀️

It is difficult when you have a baby and it changes your Fri/Sat night routine. Obviously it usually impacts the woman first and can take the man a while for it to catch up with them. Making your lie in sacrosanct helps. Choose Sat or Sun morning and make him totally responsible for hearing DS wake up & being in a fit state to care for him QUIETLY. Early morning walk (if he can get out quietly!) is good for them both!

When he’s sober (and not grumpy!) talk to him about any genuine health issues and see what he has to say. If there are things you both want to change work out how to make them happen, but if not, leave him to it. You can’t make an adult change and the more you try, the more they resist. Do like you do with small children, model the behaviour you want to see. Pathetic but true.

Don’t put up with being the default parent because if you do, you’re setting yourself up for YEARS of it and you’ll get more and more resentful.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 02/03/2019 07:45

There are a lot of big drinkers on mumsnet, but seriously that is a lot of alcohol. That and him drinking 3 bottles a few weeks ago like you said, suggests he has a problem.

To be clear, more than 8 units in one go is medically considered a 'binge', and he's had about 20 units with those two bottles. You may also have a lot of heavy drinking friends but it's not typical - only about 60% of the adults in the UK had drunk anything in the past week, when surveyed by the ONS.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 02/03/2019 07:47

Sorry I do feel like the fun police above! I like a drink, but think that in some social groups in the UK, really heavy drinking is so normalised, and it's not good for individuals or their families - and heavily drinking alone is such a risk factor for later problems.