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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think two bottles of wine was a bit excessive?

70 replies

Rockingaroundtheikeatree · 02/03/2019 03:05

Am I just really boring or am I right to be annoyed that DH drunk his own bottle of wine red and then mine (white) too after I'd gone to bed? Differentiated to explain why one "his" and "mine" as he doesn't usually drink white

We have a baby so I don't really drink much anymore, I had a glass tonight and probably would have tomorrow tonight

It's just annoying because he gets drunk on his own, falls asleep in front of loud tv etc

But it is a Friday night and he's a nice enough drunk... AIBU? We used to drink a fair amount together and I do feel like the fun police going to bed early although it's necessary as DC a bad sleeper

OP posts:
Atalune · 02/03/2019 07:49

Don’t feel mean!

Enforce your lie in.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 02/03/2019 07:57

DH started like this, 7 years ago.

He's currently 2 months into abstinence (at least, I hope so - he's lied a lot before) after frightening himself just before Christmas, when he drank so much that he thought he was having a stroke and the A&E physician advised him that he was verging on alcohol dependence.

DH started with drinking a bit every few days and to excess on Fri, Sat, Sun, minesweeping any alcohol I'd put aside or left for the next day (this is when DS1 was a baby). Like you, he hated getting up with him for his 'turn' of a morning as he felt rough as. I used to have to hide wine bottles if I wanted them to still be there in a week (I'm vegan and back then getting vegan wine involved a trip to a distant supermarket, so I'd buy one if passing and save it). He escalated to buying his own booze, hiding it and drinking it secretly (I'd find tins). I had to buy a breathalyser as he'd swear blind he hadn't had anything. My life became about second-guessing whether he'd be drunk or not, and our relationship has suffered a lot. I'd have viewed the above measures as insane if you'd spelt them out to me when the DC were babies, incidentally.

Keep an eye out, is all I'm saying.

anniehm · 02/03/2019 08:00

As long as it's not every night it's fine (if it's more than once a week then his liver might not thank him!)

Windingstreams · 02/03/2019 08:02

It’s not really to do with the amount of wine he’s drunk but the fact he’s left you to parent on your own. Why’s he not going to bed early and helping in the night? Why’s he not considering the loudness of the TV? He doesn’t sound very caring....

Oddbutnotodd · 02/03/2019 08:07

Agree with the last few posts. Hope he isn’t planning on driving today. There’s a website morning-after.org.uk which estimates how much time anyone needs to wait before driving again. For 2 bottles it’s 30 hours! From when he stopped drinking.

Vulpine · 02/03/2019 08:07

Making sure you get enough sleep (if its within your control) to adequately parent the next day is basic considerate behaviour

Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/03/2019 08:15

Two bottles of wine on your own is a lot however you cut it. I'd not like to live with someone who drinks that much regularly or thinks it is ok.

screamifyouwant · 02/03/2019 08:18

Well I'd be annoyed if my dh drank my wine but I wouldn't drink his beers .
Make him buy you another more expensive bottle today .

LemonTT · 02/03/2019 08:30

That’s mindless drinking without an off switch. Plus he couldn’t stop even when he knew he was crossing boundaries by drinking your wine and making himself incapable of safely parenting the next day. He is currently drunk with your child because the alcohol will not have left his systems.

It’s not 2 friends or lovers having a good laugh and suggesting another drink before bed because they are enjoying themselves. It’s not a night out with friends when rounds are flowing and it’s great fun.

It’s someone who drank and drank until they passed out. If that’s to block out stress or cope with a long week/ bad day it is called self medicating. Not the good kind of self medicating. He needs to find other ways to cope with stress or low moods. It’s not the sign of a happy man and you need to confront that at least.

The obvious way forward is to put in place rules to reinforce basic boundaries. Like not drinking to the point you pass out in the home. Not drinking someone else’s wine and not being drunk/hungover when responsible for a child. These are not killjoy. But frankly they should not be needed to be said. He is not in control of his drinking. That’s a drunk or one in the making.

HotpotLawyer · 02/03/2019 08:39

“I've just given him DS and he looked horrified but to be fair he's taken him down for breakfast without too much fuss. Now I feel really mean 😈”

No, this is the reality of life with a baby.

Later, talk to him about your lives and what you posted about being a Mum and not drunking so much because if sleep, needing to feel ok etc. And that he hasn’t adapted his life in the same way and how you feel about that.

Talk about parenting as a team but also maintaining your couple time: could you resolve to have a night out for drunk and a meal once a month?

Don’t talk about his drinking per se at this point.

gamerwidow · 02/03/2019 08:39

If it’s part of a regular pattern of drinking then it’s a problem but if it’s a one off then he was stupid but most of us have got carried after a few drinks at some point.
2 bottles is a lot but easily done in the right circumstances. I drank two bottles of wine at a party a couple of weeks ago (I was sick the whole of next day though Envy).
Why can’t you buy yourself another bottle today to drink though rather than go without?

ErictheGuineaPig · 02/03/2019 08:45

2 bottles is a fuck ton of alcohol. Quite honestly I'd be very concerned if my husband managed to drink that much without being absolutely legless - to have built up that much of a tolerance to alcohol he must regularly be drinking a lot.

It is absolutely not mean to expect him not to keep you awake with the TV blasting - he's being a selfish arse. Its also not mean to expect him to do his share on the weekend so you can get some sleep.

Time for an honest talk with him about all this.

Greggers2017 · 02/03/2019 09:13

Depends on the alcohol %. Could be 16 1/2 units for 11% or 21 units for 14%.
I'm presuming the wine he drank of yours was the bottle you had already had a glass from? So he will probably have had less units than above. It is annoying that he drank your wine though.
With regrade to how long it takes to leave your system. A rule is 1 unit per hour. But factors can alter it. Body mass, body tolerance, sleep and food consumed.
I wouldn't class it as a major binge as it's only the same as 8-10 pints which is usually
Standard on a night out.
If he's got up with the baby then he seems ok. I would ask him in future though not to drink your wine and to make sure he is considerate in regards to the tele.

GreenWingers · 02/03/2019 09:24

It's a lot to drink on your own but unless it's something that happens regularly it's not an issue. Make sure he gets you another bottle, though. Wink

Stuckforthefourthtime · 02/03/2019 09:35

I wouldn't class it as a major binge as it's only the same as 8-10 pints which is usually
Standard on a night out

That's the thing, it really isn't.

Cherrysoup · 02/03/2019 09:42

That’s a heck of a lot of booze to drink alone. It must be running quite expensive too, unless you’re buying weak supermarket basics.

Wenttoseainasieve · 02/03/2019 09:51

It's an awful lot to drink in one go I think, is it a regular thing? I'd be worried about the state of his liver if so.

Drinking too much is so normalised in this country, and it's very obvious in the replies here. I have close family in other countries and drinking in a typical UK way would be seen as very dysfunctional in anyone not being a wild teenager.

Hoopaloop · 02/03/2019 09:55

Ex used to do similar. He didn't drink during the week but come Friday, he'd go off the rails. We'd have bbq's in the summer and he would drink all 'his' then all 'my' wine and literally lob empty bottles onto the supermarket roof next door. His mates would all applaud/encourage him. In the winter, he guzzle all the wine on the Friday and moan all Saturday about how shit was feeling then do it again that night. Twat.

Greggers2017 · 02/03/2019 09:59

@Stuckforthefourthtime trust me it is. I work in the field. I know the average on a day/night out.
People drink for different reasons. I'm not saying it's right I'm saying it's the truth.
OP husband may have had a tough day at work.
He may be dealing with emotions.
Finding it hard to relax and unwind etc.
There are lots of reasons. She hasn't said if it's a one off or not but we shouldn't be labelling him or judging until we know.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 02/03/2019 10:07

It really isn't greggers
I've no idea where you work but you are surrounded by people who drink way too much and you have a false idea of reality

Greggers2017 · 02/03/2019 10:12

@WithAllIntenseAndPurposes I'm a substance misuse worker.
An average English male will consume 8-10 pints of lager or ale on a night out with friends. Which is about 16-20 units.
If the OP husband drinks less than 2 bottles of wine occasionally it is not a problem.
Daily drinking and massive binges involving several drinks and several days are.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 02/03/2019 12:53

Where is the evidence that the average male drinks that much? No men I know do

nauticant · 02/03/2019 13:03

That's a massive amount to drink in one night. If he's not suffering from a hangover today that would suggest he's developing quite a tolerance.

As ever I'm amazed by the amount of booze that's considered to be unremarkable by some MN posters.

PinkHeart5914 · 02/03/2019 13:04

I have 2 bottles very occasionally maybe every couple of months, it’s drunk over say 3pm to bedtime maybe 1am? The dc will be on a sleepover and me and dh have a drink, order take away an watch a film. Generally I drink a glass or 2 on a Friday & Saturday only so no I don’t have a drink problem.

Unless his doing this often then I don’t see it as an issue at all. However I would have a chat about keeping the tv volume down

Of course you can still have a glass tonight, his got legs so he can walk to the shop and buy youa replacement bottle surely? He can take baby along for the walk

Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/03/2019 13:06

Your sample is somewhat skewed than isn't it really Greggers.

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