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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DS can like "girly" things without being transgender?

89 replies

Sherbety · 24/02/2019 14:01

5 year old DS tends to go for the sort of toys that are known as "girly", lol dolls, barbies, anything unicorn related. He usually plays with girls on the playground and spends a lot of time with his cousin which is where he discovered most of these. His hair just about reaches his shoulders and he loves it, he has been mistaken for a girl a few times. SIL is convinced that he's transgender because of this, can't he simply like what he likes and be a boy? Her view seems to be that men and women must like certain things according to their gender. The other day we were over at her house, boys were playing football outside whilst my niece and DS were playing with dolls, SIL suggested he goes outside and plays football because all the boys were doing it, he hates football and she knows that. I just find her behaviour towards this as very odd

OP posts:

SneakyGremlins · 24/02/2019 14:02

Ignore her, he's fine as he is.

HollySwift · 24/02/2019 14:02

SIL is a dick.

My 7yo son adores unicorns, has his own (admittedly boy) LOL doll and plays with his sister using her toys constantly.

His penis hasn’t fallen off yet.

bengalcat · 24/02/2019 14:04

Your SIL is barking mad

Tenpenny · 24/02/2019 14:05

Your SIL is a complete ignoramus, distance yourself and your son from her bullshit.

LordVoldetort · 24/02/2019 14:05

Of course he can. Kids shouldn’t be put into ‘gender’ boxes at such young ages. My DD regularly gets ‘boys toys’ (last one - this toy is perfect for any young boy) and people don’t look at her and think she must be transgender.
I wouldn’t worry about what other people say!

HappyPunky · 24/02/2019 14:05

They're only girly because someone in the past decided they were.
Whoever that was doesn't know better than your DS what he's into.

They're not girly they're Little Sherbety

Excited101 · 24/02/2019 14:06

The fewer boxes we put our children in, the fewer issues they’re likely to have! He is who he is and he likes what he likes- I’m not seeing a problem!

EffYouSeeKaye · 24/02/2019 14:06

YANBU. Considering what an enlightened age we are supposed to live in, I’ve never known a worse gender divide in children’s clothes and toys. It’s pathetic. He’s just a child, who will grow into an adult. Nobody should care about his preferences for clothes, hair, toys etc. None of their business.

yearinyearout · 24/02/2019 14:06

Ignore her, she's a knob.

SileneOliveira · 24/02/2019 14:07

Agree with everyone else, your SIL is an idiot.

You are doing absolutely the right thing by ignoring stereotypes and letting your DS know that he can play with whatever he like, and still be a boy.

Gender is all bollocks anyway.

WeirdCatLady · 24/02/2019 14:08

My dd is 17, has never worn make up or done her nails. She has a boys haircut and wears men’s clothes and glasses. She hasn’t grown a penis yet.

I wish people would just let kids be kids. (Not saying you are, OP, LittleSherbety sounds great!)

FriarTuck · 24/02/2019 14:08

Oh FFS, I played with Action Men, it made bugger all difference to my gender. Your SIL needs a good shake.

minesthecutest · 24/02/2019 14:09

I was by far the biggest 'tomboy' ever. I only started wearing makeup and 'girly'clothes at age 21, I still don't really like dresses but looking at me now you wouldnt think I was into 'boy' things.
I am straight and a mum and always wanted to be married to a man and have children... I think with me I wasn't secure enough to wear girl things because I didn't like the way I looked and I'd still much rather play trucks and football with my ds than dolls with my dds.
it's just the way I am it doesn't mean transgender and that's the same for your son, it doesn't mean anything it's just his personality

Sirrah · 24/02/2019 14:10

Did you see the BBC programme "No more girls and boys"? There's no such thing as girl toys or boy toys, they're just toys. Time to get over the obsession with gender, it's becoming largely irrelevant. x

CarolDanvers · 24/02/2019 14:10

I'd come down very hard on that kind of nonsense from SIL. No one would be putting those kinds of ideas into my children's heads and I would cut her out completely if she didn't STFU.

BillywigSting · 24/02/2019 14:11

Of he can like those things and not be trans. Your sil is barking op.

Also, on a slightly unrelated note, who the fuck decided unicorns are girly? A powerful magical horse with a dagger coming out of its face which could historically also breathe fire and murder sinners? That's metal af.

SleepWarrior · 24/02/2019 14:13

They're just toys and they're just other children.

As long as he's making choices based on what he's interested in and happy with (for instance, it would be a shame if he was choosing those toys in order to seem more appealing to the girls he's friends with when he secretly likes Spiderman) then it's just normal child behaviour and has no bearing anything.

It's awful when adults feel the need to read into these things and ascribe meaning such as their child is gay or transgender. A five year old cannot have a sexual orientation or a gender identity (and I know you didn't mention being gay but it's also often mentioned when boys play with anything pink), they are five! Let them be for goodness sake.

Craiglang · 24/02/2019 14:13

Your SIL is an idiot. My five year old DS loves all things pink and sparkly. He wears his sister's bows, chooses the dresses from the dressing up box to twirl around in.

He's not transgender. He's a boy who happens to not fit the stereotype. And neither he nor DH and I give a shit. I have an older DS who is the total opposite of his brother so it's not our influence, it's just who they are.

OddBoots · 24/02/2019 14:14

YANBU, your SIL shouldn't try to pigeonhole him.

Fairenuff · 24/02/2019 14:18

SIL is convinced that he's transgender because of this

That's a whole load of stupid right there.

TrainSong · 24/02/2019 14:23

DS loved fairy wings, princess dolls and painted toe nails. . One of his favourite games was 'beaty parlour" where he'd brush my hair, paint my face and rub cream into my feet. (Very cute.)

He also loved dressing as a soldier, being smeared in mud, and wild camping in dens.

I hate assigning gender stereotypes to childhood play and exploration.

teenybean · 24/02/2019 14:24

My ds (8) loves playing barbies & L.O.L dolls with dd (5) he is definitely not trans, he is just a child playing with children's toys, dd also has a toy chainsaw & loves playing with ds's toys with him too.

They are children, they don't need to have 'girls toys' or 'boys toys' as long as they're happy, what the fuck does it matter?

PregnantSea · 24/02/2019 14:29

Unfortunately in the modern world he must be forced into a box and labelled before he's even old enough to know what's what in the world. If he likes feminine things then he's a woman, that's it, and if you try and say otherwise you are being oppressive.

SpottedTiger · 24/02/2019 14:30

I really dislike labelling young children in this way. Of course it's fine for him to vary from the stereotypes. We are trying to avoid gender stereotypes and coming up against resistance from DHs family who want to turn DD into a pink princess. We want her to choose what she likes herself
When she is old enough, not be pushed into conforming.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 24/02/2019 14:30

Tell your SIL to keep her crap to herself. My sister work ‘boys’ clothes, had short hair, loved spaceships, robots and ‘boys’ games. She even had a ‘boy’ name that she would sometimes use when she felt like it. SHE is a SHE who has ‘male’ (?????????) tastes.

Your SIL is a bandwagon-bumping ninny who needs to wake up to herself.

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