To think DS can like "girly" things without being transgender?

[Sherbety]

5 year old DS tends to go for the sort of toys that are known as "girly", lol dolls, barbies, anything unicorn related. He usually plays with girls on the playground and spends a lot of time with his cousin which is where he discovered most of these. His hair just about reaches his shoulders and he loves it, he has been mistaken for a girl a few times. SIL is convinced that he's transgender because of this, can't he simply like what he likes and be a boy? Her view seems to be that men and women must like certain things according to their gender. The other day we were over at her house, boys were playing football outside whilst my niece and DS were playing with dolls, SIL suggested he goes outside and plays football because all the boys were doing it, he hates football and she knows that. I just find her behaviour towards this as very odd

Your SIL is spouting a bunch of regressive gender stereotypes.

The queen trained as a mechanic and military truck driver during the war and during the war. No-one tries to trans her.

Ugh, boys don't need a diagnosis because they like playing with dolls. What a backwards regimented world we're sliding into.

I played with Action man, had an Evel Knieivel doll, a Scalextric train set and a millennium falcon.

Sadly, still no penis.

SIL is convinced that he's transgender because of this, can't he simply like what he likes and be a boy?

He's a perfectly normal child whereas SIL is an interfering, misguided woman. My children all played with whatever they wanted and dressed up as they wanted, if they wanted a toy that was for the 'opposite sex' then they had the toy if I could afford it. None of them are showing any signs of being transgender but are showing many signs of being open, accepting individuals who respect differences - as will your son I expect.

It's ridiculous that children cannot enjoy toys and play without being investigated by adults. I went through a phase where I wore boy clothes and wanted people to call me by a boy name. It was a phase. I was simply exploring. My DP never liked dressing up like a girl as a child, surely that wouldn't make her a boy either.

Just because your personality doesn't confirm to the gender roles expected of you, it doesn't mean that you are the opposite sex.

Let children play and explore without silly adults trying to analyze their every move.

OP, your son could be going through a phase, he could be gay, or he could just simply like what he likes without it being relevant to his gender or sexuality.

Your SIL is being unreasonable, not you. Tell her to shut it.

SIL is an absolute dickhead. Would she be saying this if it were a girl who liked football and didnt care for dolls? I doubt it. Internalized misogyny is all it is.... boys shouldn't be playing with dolls because its 'silly' and un masculine... but if a girl plays football and likes construction vehicles shes clever and ambitious.

*conform

My son played with a range of toys from cars to Barbies. A tutu and a fireman outfit were his go too fancy dress costumes.
He played with girls and boys.
He is a heterosexual adult who still has a mixture of male and female close friends.
A friends son only played with what many people consider girls toys. Related to girls more than boys had no boy mates. Loved dancing and dressing up as Disney princesses.
He is now an adult and is gay.
They are both very happy adults content in their own skin because they were allowed to be themselves.
Who knows if there are indicators. There probably are but who cares. Happiness is more important.

Your SiL is a tit. And what everyone else said.

I hate this sort of thing. It's quite often just code for being afraid that the child in question is going to somehow "catch the gay". The transgender slant is the new fear.

My MIL is horrified that I let my 6 yr old son dress up a princess with sparkly nails as opposed to Action Man or whatever stereotype she finds acceptable. If he's gay - he's gay. Me limiting access to silver nail polish isn't going to make any difference.

Gender is not defined by toys or clothes or hairstyle

He can look how he likes and play with what he likes, he’s still a boy.

SIL is an idiot.

I played with Action man, had an Evel Knieivel doll, a Scalextric train set and a millennium falcon. Sadly, still no penis. sad

You had all that and you wanted a penis as well? How greedy

My son was just like this when younger. He also loved painting his nails and wore dresses, especially frilly/glittery ones. It was commented on frequently by others who implied that he would be/is gay or transgender etc, to the point where my dad tried to rip a dress off him and told me in no uncertain terms (away from the kids) that if ‘that boy turns out to be a faggot ill beat him to within an inch of his life, and it’ll be your fault for letting him behave like this in the first place!’

Cunt.

I told everyone to fuck off. My son has outgrown this behaviour quite naturally, but if he hadn’t I would have loved and supported him regardless.

Simply put, kids aren’t aware of gender stereotypes and they just like what they like. It’s fuckwit adults who imbue dolls/monster truck toys or certain clothes and what not with portents of sexuality or future gender identities. It’s insane, and quite a bit sick if you really think about it. Tell her to stick her opinions where the sun don’t shine and be done with it.

Nothing wrong with a feminine man - think Julian Clary, or David Bowie.

Your SiL doesn’t know the difference between sex and gender:

Sex: biology your DS is male

Gender: made up roles which are historically and culturally specific, not innate.

300 years ago loads of men had long hair. In our own country, and in many other parts of the world, men wear skirts or dresses.

And some of the world’s most famous puppeteers (playing with “dolls”) are men.

The sooner we destroy all gender roles, the better.

Would she say the same about a “tomboy” girl?

She’s an idiot and you should tell her so.

I’m more concerned that children play with imaginative toys than anything categorised as boys or girls.
Lack of empathy is a huge problem with adults who end up o upside the law. Playing with toys that represent infants, children and animals and not war toys guns, will one hopes, encourage the development of empathy.
Linguistic studies show girls’ play uses co-operative and inclusive language ie Lets have a tea party. Boys’ play uses compete each language — eg I’ll be the Pirate Chief and you can be a pirate. Your DS playing with girls may be a distinct advantage in future year OP

Time to post that Kristen Myers meme, I think:

www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-tell-if-a-toy-is-for-boys-or-girls_n_4372629

My DS came out with almost THE actual Eddie izzard quote (before he went weird) when someone asked him why he had a baby doll because it was a girls toy.

"no it's not, it's mine"

Your sil is a dickhead.

Ffs stupid woman. How ignorant. Your ds is 5. He can like whatever he wants. A 5 yo is only just starting to be aware of the differences between boys and girls. But hey he must want to magically change into a girl. You’ll probably get some woke poster in a minute calling your ds she. The vast majority of mumsnetters are gender critical and posts calling your ds she is to antagonise.

I would tell your SIL to please not label your son, that you're going to let him do what he wants and play with who and what he wants without pressing any concepts on him.

I genuinely think it’s attitudes like your sil that has contributed to the rise in young children thinking they are transgender. If we teach children that playing with toys that society has decided are for the opposite gender is wrong they will feel wrong.
It’s a toy , it’s a unicorn / a doll etc it means nothing more than that is what he wants to play with, he may like the colors, the way he can play with it just like a girl would . We don’t define adults by their activity of choice and shouldn’t define very young children either .

DS6 loves anything sparkly. We went to a Christmas market and the only thing he chose to spend his money on was a headband with a rainbow coloured, sparkly unicorn horn on it. He also bought one for his best friend, who is a 6 year old girl.
He got an Elsa dress for his 6th birthday as he'd been asking for one for ages. He got annoyed the other day as he saw the rainbow duvet cover I'd bought for his sister but wanted it for his room.

He also loves typical boys toys and activities.

When I was growing up one of my male friends loved playing with my Barbie dolls and I loved playing with his cars.

When I was little, I think I played with a doll for all of five minutes in total (I only ever had one, it was a Christmas present, I had to show willing). Most of my time I played with the real, but small, junior hacksaw, file, hammer, screwdrivers, nails, screws, wood, plugs to wire and re-wire etc. All given to me by my dad, and played with in my 'workshop' - the boot of the car. (With the lid open, I hasten to add.)

Thank God transgender wasn't a thing in those days.

So he doesn't conform to your SiL's gender stereotype. So what? My nephew likes to have his nails painted like his sister. He's still a boy. I liked lego, rough play and climbing trees. I'm still a girl.

We need to get away from gender stereotypes and allow children (and adults) to explore their own unique natures without labelling them.

I had long hair, liked 'girly stuff' through school and I'm still very much a man. Why can't people just like what they like?