Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have had stern words with DS about calling in sick when he isn't?

70 replies

Eudorapatch · 23/02/2019 11:08

Background: DS is 17 and at college. He has a part time job in a food retailer, his shifts vary but in general he does 1 afternoon/ evening in the week and a day at the weekend. Hes been working there since August/ September and has only missed 1 shift when we were all ill with stomach bugs.

DS also has a girlfriend who lives 5+ hours away. She arrived last Saturday and despite me telling DS I expected her to only stay until Thursday (her arrival was sprung on me 48 hours beforehand) she is still here but going home today.

DS is meant to be working 11-7 today but has called in sick. He's not sick he is just skiving.

I said that was pretty stupid of him and if he loses this job it will be his own fault. He thinks I am being completely unfair and horrible for having a go at him as 'everyone' skips work and it's only 1 day.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
LittleCandle · 23/02/2019 11:13

Definitely not! I hate this culture of 'pulling sickies'. I think you're quite right to pull him up on it, as one day can turn into two and then it becomes a habit. Nip it in the bud now.

savingmysanity · 23/02/2019 11:19

We have just sacked someone at my work for doing the same thing. Everyone has a sicky every now and again but when its regular its not fair on your colleagues.

PinkHeart5914 · 23/02/2019 11:23

Honestly he doesn’t do it regularly so he isn’t going to lose his job over this!

We’ve all done it 🤷🏻‍♀️

His 17 so I don’t really think mummy telling him off will do any good

MrsJayy · 23/02/2019 11:23

I would be having words there is no need to skive and springing the girlfriend on you is just rude maybe have a word about that he clearly overstepped.

user1487194234 · 23/02/2019 11:24

I would keep out of it,let him make his own decisions

Original poster
Eudorapatch · 23/02/2019 11:31

I know he is only skiving because his GF is here. If she'd gone home on Thurs like I suggested I know he would have gone in today I'm sure of it.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 23/02/2019 11:33

Don't be blaming the girl this is on him,

Springwalk · 23/02/2019 11:35

Yup I would be telling him this isn’t on, if you don’t say anything you se condoning his behaviour. He is not an adult yet and obv still needs guidance.

Yabbers · 23/02/2019 11:35

Leave him be. At 17 he should learn by his own mistakes. Let him know you don’t agree with it, but having a go is unnecessary.

Hairyporker · 23/02/2019 11:35

Yeah the evil GF is forcing him obviously.

Christ he's pulled a sickie not murdered his gran. Lighten up.

whymewhynow · 23/02/2019 11:37

My children are younger than yours so I have no experience of this but why did you allow his girlfriend to stay if the original arrangement had been that she went home on Thursday? A week seems a really long time for you to have to accommodate another teenager.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/02/2019 11:37

They may sack him for this. 2 periods of sickness in less than 6 months and not having worked there long. That would be the kick up the backside he needs. Then the next job he gets he will take more seriously.

DolorestheNewt · 23/02/2019 11:41

Sounds like you don't like the GF and you're blaming his bad decisions on her. Unless you're very reliant on a financial contribution that comes from his job, at 17, in which case I could understand your sensitivity, he's old enough to start learning that sometimes bad decisions lead to unfortunate consequences.

MissionItsPossible · 23/02/2019 11:43

It’s a part time job, not a career. Chill out. If he loses his job it’s him that loses out on money, not you.

Sanguineclamp · 23/02/2019 11:44

I don't think YABU and you are right to come down hard on this as he has let people down for no reason (and ultimately won't have done himself any good if he gets a reputation for being unreliable).

Also, I would try and put an agreement in place for next time covering how much advance warning you need re: gf's visit and how long she stays. Tell him you will need persuading to accommodate her in future because the agreement has been broken about how long she stays. Once he is old enough to pay for his own flat etc he can do what he wants but up until that point he has to stick to stuff that's been mutually agreed.

ScreamingValenta · 23/02/2019 11:44

It's a bad habit to get into. Most people have been tempted to take sick leave when they're not ill - I certainly have - but you have to build self-discipline.

PinkSmitterton · 23/02/2019 11:44

Well I've never pulled a sickie and wouldn't think well of my son if he did but I doubt he'll get in trouble for it as it's a one off (as long as he isn't spotted out and about by someone from work)

Fine to express your disappointment but it's his choice and if he's not bothered by your disappointment, there's not much you can do. I think having a go at him (if that is what you did) is overkill and you should step back really.

NutElla5x · 23/02/2019 11:44

He's only 17,he works part time,he attends college and he's only pulled one sickie in 6 months and that's because he wants to squeeze a little more time in with his girlfriend, who I'm guessing he doesn't get to see that often. He seems like a pretty good kid to me.Give the lad a break.

PeterPiperPickedWrong · 23/02/2019 11:46

YANBU
He is letting his employer and colleagues down.
Also, what happens if he happens to be genuinely sick next weekend? I’m thinking the boy who cried wolf. His choice though, but if he starts complaining about being skint and asking to lend cash I would say he only has himself to blame.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 23/02/2019 11:48

I agree with Nut that its a one off and he is trying to spend time with his gf who lives very far away which is very understandable. Let him enjoy his day, he sounds like he works hard most of the time

HamiltonCork · 23/02/2019 11:50

When he’s lying on his deathbed I’m sure he’ll bitterly regret not working that Saturday minimum wage shift in a supermarket when he was 17. Or alternatively he’ll look fondly on that naughty Saturday with someone he fancied the arse off.

Keep out of it - he can learn from his own mistakes.

WineGummyBear · 23/02/2019 11:50

I'm with you OP.

Growing up is about learning to take responsibility for our actions and learning to act with integrity.

In your shoes I wouldn't come down hard on him now but I'd have a conversation later about how he has a right to be treated with respect at work and in return he needs to behave with integrity himself.

bridgetreilly · 23/02/2019 11:51

We’ve all done it

No, we haven't.

StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2019 11:52

Everyone does not do it.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 23/02/2019 11:52

I’d be inclined to say ‘Do what you want, but don’t come to me begging for spending money if you get the sack. You’re taking the risk so you can live with it if it backfires’.

Swipe left for the next trending thread