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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have had stern words with DS about calling in sick when he isn't?

70 replies

Eudorapatch · 23/02/2019 11:08

Background: DS is 17 and at college. He has a part time job in a food retailer, his shifts vary but in general he does 1 afternoon/ evening in the week and a day at the weekend. Hes been working there since August/ September and has only missed 1 shift when we were all ill with stomach bugs.

DS also has a girlfriend who lives 5+ hours away. She arrived last Saturday and despite me telling DS I expected her to only stay until Thursday (her arrival was sprung on me 48 hours beforehand) she is still here but going home today.

DS is meant to be working 11-7 today but has called in sick. He's not sick he is just skiving.

I said that was pretty stupid of him and if he loses this job it will be his own fault. He thinks I am being completely unfair and horrible for having a go at him as 'everyone' skips work and it's only 1 day.

So AIBU?

OP posts:

Purplecatshopaholic · 23/02/2019 12:45

Its not a habit to get into, defo not. However most of us will have done it at some point (albeit a long time ago in my case, lol). He is young and its not his brain which is doing the thinking I am guessing!

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 23/02/2019 12:46

I think it is a terrible thing to do to pretend to be ill when you aren't. Tempting fate, my mother always called it. I would never, never do it.

Toddlerteaplease · 23/02/2019 12:48

"We've all done it"

I haven't and wouldn't dream of doing it!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/02/2019 12:49

I'd be more worried about him missing out on all the college work they are expected to do. What happens during his exams. Its not just a Saturday job.

luckylavender · 23/02/2019 12:50

@PinkHeart5914 - we haven't all done it.

Nanny0gg · 23/02/2019 13:00

It's not 'blaming' the GF it's the fact that she's there.

Which may well be down to him persuading her to stay even though he's been told she should only have been there till Thursday.

Tell him if he pulls that stunt again she won't be able to stay.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 23/02/2019 13:02

While I agree with those posters who say that, at 17, it’s his decision and he needs to make his own mistakes, he is also ONLY 17. It is part of the role of a parent surely to point out the possible unwelcome consequences of his actions. The OP does not have to pretend to approve of him lying about this. Perhaps the values of their family are that lying to get away with things is simp,y wrong. OP is letting him make his own mistakes but she’s not compromising herself by pretending to approve. YANBU

Fairylea · 23/02/2019 13:07

I couldn’t be bothered by this. As a one off, because his girlfriend is there, who cares? Life is for living and enjoying yourself at that age. If you can’t do that when you’re 17 when can you?

I pulled plenty of sickies at that age. At 18 i was working nearly full time in a pub alongside doing my A levels and I pulled a fair few sickies - either due to college work or just being horrendously pissed the previous night and being too hungover to work! I am now nearly 40 and look back on those “wild” times as the best times of my life! And I still went on to then have a very good, serious career in marketing management.

I think people on mumsnet get way too uptight over these things.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 23/02/2019 13:14

Fairylea - I am sorry, but I think that is awful. It's all about having a moral conscience not to cheat your employer, isn't it?

ForalltheSaints · 23/02/2019 13:19

It's dishonest and YANBU OP.

Userplusnumbers · 23/02/2019 13:19

I was really ill a few weekends ago so called in sick on Monday and Tuesday, because I felt I'd not had a weekend.

At the end of the day, he doesn't owe the company anything. They'd not hesitate to get rid of him if it suited. I wouldn't let it bother me.

Userplusnumbers · 23/02/2019 13:21

Fairylea - I am sorry, but I think that is awful. It's all about having a moral conscience not to cheat your employer, isn't it?

LOL! Just like employers make all their decisions on what is morally right for the employees rather than what puts the most money in their back pocket? It's a transaction, you give them your labour they give you some cash. You do t owe them more than that.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/02/2019 13:26

You owe them turning up when you're meat to be in.
I'm assuming it's an unskilled job. So anyone off the street could replace him.

He may need he had lesson of he's not that special.

ilovesooty · 23/02/2019 13:26

I think there's something to be said for not shitting on the team you work with.

Original poster

Eudorapatch · 23/02/2019 13:37

I'm not blaming his gf, she seems nice enough based on the 2 very brief conversations I've had with her. This is all down to DS. I don't agree with skipping work but I also thought she would be gone by Thurs and she's not. Again that's DSs fault. I told him I expected her tp gp by Thurs and he completely ignored me. Just like not telling me she was coming until the last minute.

OP posts:

icelollycraving · 23/02/2019 13:41

I would tell him the implications of two sicknesses in lots of places result in an extended probation or getting the sack. There are so many people who are prepared to do zero hours that people are easily replaced in many areas.
As a pp said I’d also tell him not to come to me when he has less money.
I certainly did some sickies when I was young. I didn’t tell my mum though, she would have bollocked me!

Applesaregreenandred · 23/02/2019 13:59

Of course OP's DS will be the one who is faving the consequences (if there are any) but as a parent of course she is doing the right thing telling him that this is wrong. He may not listen to her, and at 17 he probably won't as he most likely thinks he knows everything (!) but as a parent she is doing the correct thing having words about this.

YANBU

Oh - and for posters who don't yet have teenage DC, remembering being a teenager yourself is not the same as parenting one.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/02/2019 14:15

You need to tell him she's outstayed her welcome and she needs to go. And that she will not be returning until he shows courtesy to the people who pay for the house he lives in. He's 17fgs!

sueelleker · 23/02/2019 19:58

As long as he doesn't expect you to make the 'sick' call for him.

HundredMilesAnHour · 23/02/2019 20:11

I told him I expected her tp gp by Thurs and he completely ignored me. Just like not telling me she was coming until the last minute.

This is the OP's bigger problem, the total disrespect for her wishes while her son is still living at home (so OP's rules when it's her house). My parents wouldn't have tolerated this for a millisecond. To be honest, they wouldn't have tolerated any of this bullsh*t. I never took a sickie when I was 17 and working part time (nor did any of the other teenagers I worked with) but if I'd wanted to, I would have needed to hide out somewhere rather than be at home as my parents would have flipped out, and rightly so.

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