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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel like I am going mad. AIBU

56 replies

ThinkIveEndedIt · 19/02/2019 19:10

Valentines Day - I got him a card, he didn't bother but bought some half dead flowers later that day.

20th Wedding Anniversary coming up in a little while. DH has booked a night out with......his mates. Can't cancel it now apparently as they have bought tickets and can't let them down. I could book something for another day but I feel like I am inconveniencing him!

Just looked ahead to the week of my 50th birthday. DH has booked the whole week and a bit on a business trip. I called him up to ask him WTF, the DC are off and I thought we were going somewhere nice and he just gave some sh!t excuse.

Apparently I make a big deal of stuff and IABU. I honestly feel like I am going mad in the head. I'm upset but made to feel like I am the one being U.

OP posts:
Gorse · 19/02/2019 19:33

No! You have every right to be upset. He's utterly selfish and taking advantage of your good nature. It's one thing to forget or disagree with Valentine's Day, quite another to plan outings with his mates for every special day you have coming up. If he can't see your point of view I'd have to question just what your marriage means to him.

Original poster
ThinkIveEndedIt · 19/02/2019 19:39

DH pretty much treats me with indifference TBH. Feeling really shit about myself right now. DH makes me feel unattractive and pretty worthless.

Other women I know tell me I am strong, have massive balls and loads of get up and go.

OP posts:
BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 19/02/2019 19:44

Threaten to LTB

MortyVicar · 19/02/2019 19:48

Other women I know tell me I am strong, have massive balls and loads of get up and go

Then I'd seriously consider gathering up your strength and your balls and getting up and going.

I very rarely do an LTB, but he's making you feel shit, telling you very clearly where you fit in his list of priorities, and is generally indifferent.

How would you feel about leaving him? It would be painful short term, but could you look at the bigger picture?

Original poster
ThinkIveEndedIt · 19/02/2019 19:48

I have said that a few times. Today when I called him up to ask why there was a big chunk in the diary for his trip I told him I'm done and I put the phone down. He didn't bother to call back and he's gone out with his mates to some crap concert. That's how bothered he is.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThinkIveEndedIt · 19/02/2019 19:50

Honestly, anyone who knows me (except close family I've confided in) would be shocked at how I let him treat me. They all think I'm really ballsy and assertive.

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 19/02/2019 19:52

If he really doesn't care about you why are you together?
Seriously? I'm not a fan of shouting LTB at every thread but I don't understand why you would be with someone who cared so little about you.
Book yourself a holiday for you and the kids for your birthday. Let hime enjoy his business trip and use it as time to reflect on whether or not you want him around at all.

jelliebelly · 19/02/2019 19:53

Wow I'm not a big one for celebrations but that is crap - shows exactly what he thinks of you I'm afraid op - has he always been more into his "mates" and work than he is into you??

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 19/02/2019 19:54

I know what I would be presenting him with for the anniversary.....

justasking111 · 19/02/2019 19:55

How old are the children?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/02/2019 19:55

One might be ok, all of it - no way. Sorry OP I’d be so hurt too. My dh just wouldn’t.

BigBairyHollocks · 19/02/2019 19:56

Have my first ever LTB.Seriously,you’re worth so much more than this.Start your 50th year on your own terms.Flowers

shinyNewPound · 19/02/2019 19:57

I'd be wondering if he's trying to end it but doesn't have the balls but knows you do so is trying to engineer you to do it.

Dinoraptor · 19/02/2019 20:00

Honestly, I would be considering divorce. You're not mad Flowers

LuckyLou7 · 19/02/2019 20:03

He's thoughtless and unkind. You deserve to be treated with respect, not indifference. Take yourself and the children away somewhere fabulous to celebrate your birthday, and tell DH he either shapes up or ships out. Life is short, don't spend it being unhappy - if you can change your circumstances, then do.

Apple103 · 19/02/2019 20:06

Yanbu. He pretty much doesnt care and is blatant about it. I dont think you should give him ultimatums either, you dont want to force someone to be something they clearly dont want to be.
I say do the right thing for yourself and make sure that this milestone birthday will be the very last you are spending with someone who treats you so badly Flowers

MissKittyBeaudelais · 19/02/2019 20:18

How old are your children? Is he just having a difficult time with work or his boss or something? Is he otherwise a good partner?

AdoraBell · 19/02/2019 20:20

Rather than threaten to LTB get your ducks in a row, do you work? Are you aware of the financial position, his earnings/joint accounts/investments? What about housing, rent/mortgage/mortgage cleared?

Leave him to get on with his plans and make your own plans in the background, and get some legal advice. Then decide whether you to continue being treated like a doormat or walk away with your head held high.

AliceLiddel · 19/02/2019 20:21

Just looked ahead to the week of my 50th birthday. DH has booked the whole week and a bit on a business trip. I called him up to ask him WTF, the DC are off and I thought we were going somewhere nice and he just gave some sh!t excuse.

i suggest you book somewhere amazing that you want to go and have a week with you're DC in the sunshine. He is surplus to requirements in your celebrations.

Maelstrop · 19/02/2019 20:22

Honestly, sit down and write a list of pros and cons of staying. I have to say he doesn't sound like he gives a shit.

Gazelda · 19/02/2019 20:25

Has he always been like this?

Upalln1ght · 19/02/2019 20:29

Are you absolutely sure he isn't using this night out and business trip as a cover story - perhaps he has done something for both occasions as a surprise for you?

Unless he has done this sort of thing before, then I suppose it doesn't look good...

Fingers crossed for the former!

Walnutwhipster · 19/02/2019 20:30

He's showing you exactly what he thinks of you. How would he feel I'd you do the same? He's a dick!

ATBhinchers · 19/02/2019 20:32

Yep time to move on. He doesn't love you anymore and I think you know you can do better.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/02/2019 20:38

I truly hope you don't waste the next 50 years of your life with this horrid man.

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