Feel like I am going mad. AIBU

[ThinkIveEndedIt]

Valentines Day - I got him a card, he didn't bother but bought some half dead flowers later that day.

20th Wedding Anniversary coming up in a little while. DH has booked a night out with......his mates. Can't cancel it now apparently as they have bought tickets and can't let them down. I could book something for another day but I feel like I am inconveniencing him!

Just looked ahead to the week of my 50th birthday. DH has booked the whole week and a bit on a business trip. I called him up to ask him WTF, the DC are off and I thought we were going somewhere nice and he just gave some sh!t excuse.

Apparently I make a big deal of stuff and IABU. I honestly feel like I am going mad in the head. I'm upset but made to feel like I am the one being U.

Bloody hell - firstly don't go to that counsellor again, what a load of bollocks.

Family and friends just don't want you to rock the boat and upset the status quo.

What do you, in your heart of hearts, really want?

You sound like a fantastic person with lots of friends and so much potential. This is your one and only life. Do you really want to spend it being treated like this?

Or can you picture a future when you design your own life and can make your own happiness, without being treated like shit?

Do you have a good friend who you could go away with, presumably with the kids too, for your birthday? So that you can enjoy yourself.

Is this man ever nice to you? I would see a solicitor to find out your situation.

If you want to salvage anything I would sit down with him and lay out what you have said here. Say that it doesn't feel like a loving, caring relationship. Ask what he thinks and whether he is interested in making it one and therefore saving it. Have a conversation about how you both see your futures.

But he sounds a shit so I would vote for leaving.

Start living your life for you. Stop letting your happiness depend on someone else's moods/wimps and opinions.

He's shown you who he is and what you mean to him, and that is Zero. Accept this and take control of your life and happiness.

Your counsellor might have a point. How long has things been not right between you and your OH and did it start?

I say that she might have a point because being miserable and unhappy can really drag people down around you and I say that as the person who was miserable although I have also e periejcex it the other way and it is true that sadly, after some time, when you feel you've done everything to help that person is still miserable, you just want to step away to keep your own sanity.

Clearly the situation has seriously deteriorated if your OH is not going to be there for your 50th. Did he show any regrets, explained with he really really couldn't help it?

Are you suffering from depression? If so, it's a nightmare for the one suffering from it but tough for those around especially if they can't understand the reason for it.

The counsellor was right, neediness is v unnattractive in a partner - its like theyre putting themselves in the child state and casting you as their parent.

Needing things - love, companionship, attention, support - from a partner isn't the same as neediness though. In a mutual relationship you both give each kther these things. That's kind of the point of the relationship, really.

Not sure about the "grass is always greener" thing though. I guess if you're always trying to recapture those heady days of first love it may be true. But Ive known lots of people happily move away from dead marriages.

If other women see you as strong, you obviously put on a brave face to the world. Perhaps your family haven't realised how much your husband is dragging you down. They naturally don't want you to make a rash decision, but if they were aware of the full facts I suspect they would think again. If you could fast forward a few years and see your daughter (say) in this situation, how would you feel?
Your husband sounds like a jerk.