Signs that show I might be gay?

[Stormypaige]

Are there signs that other people can ‘read’ about my sexuality?

I don’t want to stereotype people who are gay, though I know it probably sounds like that, I know everyone is unique, I am just questioning my own sexuality and wondering what others can tell about me.

I completely realise there is no way to know (without asking) a man if he is gay, but there do seem to be some characteristics / behaviours /ways of presenting themselves (even really subtle things like posture) that in my experience generally indicate that he might be. Basically ‘gaydar’. Not foolproof, but it does seem to be right more often than chance.

Does this happen for women too? If so, what might be the things about a woman that could trigger your gaydar?

I’m asking because I am questioning my sexuality, which needs a whole other post to explain why, but I was wondering if I might be giving off some sort of vibes? I know it doesn’t MATTER one way or the other, but I would just really like to know.

Or am I being unreasonable?

YABU! And I mean that kindly. Gay women one in all shapes, sizes, flavours and colours. You won’t be giving off a vibe or a smell that will bring the dykes running!
However if you look at women, really look at someone and she’s gay, she’ll notice. If she’s straight she’ll probably think you like her coat or something...

The main sign that you might be gay, or bi, is being sexually attracted to women. Not a crush, not think someone’s cool and want to be a bit like her but full on want to get naked, snog, kiss her breasts, go down on her attracted to her.

Sorry, this isn’t what you’re asking, but back in the day there were some conversational clues, eg “are you family?”; “do you know my friend Dorothy”; the secret language Polari and signs on certain buildings.

Very interesting but thank goodness things in the U.K. at least have moved on a lot, even if we have a way to go.

In terms of you personally, it’s hard to say without knowing you! A very good friend of mine who is gay says even before one works it out for oneself, “you know which way your eyes go on the street,” and it’s perhaps along those lines: extended eye contact and other such subtleties?

If you wake up one day and decide evermore that a MacDonalds fish sandwich is far more appealing than your local chippy's battered sausage, then maybe you know deep down. If you decide that really deep fried pizza is for you, I hope you end up in jail, you disgust me.

Seriously though, are you caught checking out women or playfully flirting? There are many stereotypes around for lesbians but most of the ones I know don't fit them at all. Barely a crew cut and pair of dungarees in sight.

If you're struggling with your sexuality then I think doing some soul searching about who you are attracted to (be that a certain gender, both, neither, just a particular person - whatever) is the most important thing. What other people think or assume about your sexuality is neither here nor there.

I do look at women more than I look at men. But I don’t want to have sex with them. I actually think I moght be asexual.
My friend suggested I might be gay but repressing it.
I don’t like the idea that other people might be forming ideas about my sexuality when I don’t even really know for sure myself.

I do actually like wearing dungarees and pinnafore dresses.
I like denim skirts, dresses and jackets.
I like baggy jumpers.
I like check shirts
I don’t wear much makeup, just mascara and concealer.
My hair is plain and unstyled.
I don’t paint my nails or wear ‘girly’ accessories.

Will these things suggest to people I am gay? Like I say I know it doesn’t matter but I would like to know.

None of those things are signs someone is a lesbian.

Interesting. I know what you're asking, OP, but I don't know the answer! I've often had an idea a man was gay by his posture, mannerisms, etc, but I've never looked at a woman and thought "hmm, I reckon she's gay". I never thought about that before! Do gay women have stereotypical mannerisms??

Strangely enough, I know four women who fit your description, all autistic and their sexuality is either not there (asexual) or in some way unconventional.

I like all of those things OP. I am heterosexual because it happens that I am female attracted to males. But that fact has nothing to do with my wardrobe choices.

Well, I know I’m not autistic. Seems I might fit the unconventional sexuality ‘look’ then?

How you dress or wear your hair doesn’t dictate your sexuality. And there’s no one size fits all for what a gay person looks like, so you’re barking up the wrong tree by trying to put together a gaydar checklist.

Sexuality is not always black and white. It’s personal and can be complex. But the bottom line is if you fancy people of the same sex then yes you probably have same sex tendencies. Surely it doesn’t matter either way? Why do you care what ‘vibes’ you are giving off?

They’ll only make you ‘look’ gay to the ignorant. My advice would be to stop worrying about it. So what if someone thinks you’re gay? I get taken for ‘straight’ all the time ( despite fitting a lot of your list and being married t a woman) and I ignore it. And correct people if necessary.

Well I don’t really mind as such, just that if I am dressing or behaving like I am gay then maybe men won’t approach me, and women will, and that might be influencing the way I think about my sexuality. Or it could be the other way round. I’m just wondering about things and trying to be more self aware and see myself through others’ eyes.

I wear denim, sometimes double denim.

I don't wear skirts or dresses,

I rarely wear makeup, maybe just mascara and eyeliner occasionally.

I have baggy jumpers (I'm fat) and checked shirts (I'm a little bit 90s grunge sometimes)

I haven't had my hair cut or styled for over 20 years - the term wasn n go was made for me!

I've never had my nails done, and I shave my legs about 3 times a year although I do like glittery shoes.

I'm very not gay. HTH.

How you appear and present has nothing to do with your sexuality. Nothing. If you want o have sex with blokes you're hetero, if you want to do it with women you're gay. If you like the idea of sex with either you're bi. If you don't really fancy sex with anyone you might be asexual. It's that straightforward.

But the really really important thing is - it doesn't matter. It doesn't define you. Have enthusiastic consenting sex with whoever you really fancy, and if you don't fancy anyone well there are devices available iykwim.

Don't stress it.

Gaydar is much more about the styles that some lesbians and gay men adopt. There are fashions there that others might notice.
Also if people are a couple, you can normally tell.
Other signs would just be if I was around a woman a lot and she never ever talked about men even though others were - e.g. about fancying an actor.
Although not foolproof lesbians rarely have very long fake fingernails - for obvious reasons.

Are you particularly concerned by how people see you or who you attract?

Are women approaching you? Have you been fending off the lesbian hoards? Doesn’t sound like it so you should be safe... even in denim... if you’re trying to get a bloke then you’ll want one who likes you as you are presumably. Online dating seems popular these days.

I think you’re a bit misguided, your sexuality isn’t dictated by others - a woman chatting you up doesn’t mean you are gay, she can’t ‘influence’ your sexuality. Likewise men approaching you doesn’t mean you are straight.
I think it’s best just to go with it, it might be you are attracted to women, it might be you just admire how they look. Try not to label yourself or be dictated by how others perceive you. Only you know who you are.

Thanks for all the helpful answers.

@showme, well both I suppose. As I say at the moment I think I might be asexual. But I’m also wondering ifthe reason I think this is because I have not really had the chance to date much and men at least don’t seem very attracted to me. Then my friend suggested to me I might be a lesbian, something I hadn’t really thought of, but now she’s said it I’m wondering if I might be.

I do have short fingernails.

I can generally tell when a woman is gay but only because she already knows she is gay if that makes sense? I couldn't care less either way, but I am never surprised when they start to talk about their partner and that partner happens to be a woman. I'm not sure if that makes sense though and it's definitely not meant to be insulting and it's usually got bugger all to do with what she is wearing or whether she wears make up or not.

I think you can be attracted to and like to spend time with people of the same sex without that necessarily being a sexual attraction or preference. I also don't think many people are completely straight but they just have enough of a preference to make that a long term choice.

How old are you? Have you ever had a sexual relationship with a man or a woman? If so, how was that for you?

If you have no interest in sex at all, you may be asexual.

I found when a teenager and hormones were racing I had strong sexual attractions and had strong urges to masturbate. Did this happen to you?

I had a few female experimentations when younger but thy were underwhelming really and didn't do much for me sexually, so I knew I wasn't bi or gay.

I don't however generally tend to fancy anyone at all just from looks. I have to get to know them first. And then the physical attraction comes later. If you are trying to tell who you are attracted to just by looking at them in the street this may not tell you anything.

Have you ever felt a sexual attraction to anyone ever? You can't miss it, the feelings are extremely strong and sometimes overwhelming.

Even though you think you might be asexual, do you still have romantic feelings? Crushes on people? Do you want to go on dates? Or does none of it interest you?

You said you think as you don’t have many men attracted to you then you might be a lesbian, but again it’s not about others dictating your sexuality, not having much interaction with men doesn’t mean you’re gay by default - it’s about how YOU feel about people, not the other way around.

Recently I realised I was more Gay than Bisexual. I have examined every angle to conclude that I love women more. I fancy them more and when I break up with a woman, I really feel it.

But, looking at me I don't have a sign hanging over my head.

Forget what friends say to you - or how you look/dress/act!!! How do you feel?