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AIBU?

To say I’ve won! I’ve actually won!

805 replies

YouWinAgain · 07/01/2019 11:41

Some of you will recognise my story. I hope you do, and yes I am that poster.

In March 2018 I was attacked and had threats made against my life by my husband in front of our DD aged 2 at the time.

I left him and he was a st. He and his family made my life hell threatening to take DD out of her Nursery, pinning me against shelves in supermarkets, accusing me of alienating DD from her paternal family, and basically being made to feel like the perpetrator instead of the victim. He also left me and DD living at my mums for 10 days just because he could. He left me with GAD, PTSD and Social Anxiety.

In November he took me to court for full residency of DD, now aged 3, accusing me of emotionally abusing her and not being able to put her first.

It was a rough time for me; I almost gave up at times, felt like everything was against me including the Social Worker who seemed to swap sides after it went to court. She was also at times suggesting 50/50 contact.

I got a SHL (St Hot Lawyer) and was still worried, panicking and had to be grounded several times by her and posters on MN thank you all. I had home condition problems when we first split but did my upmost to work with everyone and get myself back on track. At times I felt like it was hopeless even when he didn’t turn up to her appointments or Nativity Play.

DRA hearing is 2 weeks today. Had the final meeting with the SW this morning to give me the S7, I was nervous as I was expecting her to be on ExHs side.

There’s two bits of good news:

SW was recommending that DD stay living with me, and contact with ExH be once a week for 2 hours, and then every other Sunday for 5 hours going up to full day contact (9am-5pm) in 3 months’ time and then overnight just Saturday every other weekend from September when DD starts school. SW suggested the weekly contact cannot clash with her appointments or social occasions!

But 2) 2 weeks before the DRA, ExH has decided to drop the residency and just apply for consistent regular contact with DD. He hasn’t asked for a specific pattern so I think my SHL can negotiate.

I am crying with happiness. We still have to go to court on 21st but I’m not worried anymore, they aren’t taking my DD off me. Looks like SW was on DDs side and neither mine or ExHs.

Sometimes it pays to persevere. I’ve won haven’t I? I’ve actually won!

OP posts:

Report

RochelleGoyle · 04/06/2019 17:23

Really pleased for you OP.

YouWinAgain · 04/06/2019 17:36

Bet she loved that!

She did, and the bath and cup of tea afterwards

OP posts:

Mxyzptlk · 05/06/2019 00:44

She's also said that she wouldn't offer extra contact to ExH as if he's bothered he'll ask for it (I offer anyway in case it goes back to court I can prove I tried).

There's no need to do that.
The less time she has with him the better, given his lack of interest in her welfare - as shown by the shoes and the bedtime.
Take the SW's advice.

Queenofthestress · 06/06/2019 20:53

I swear I'm starting to hate buttons as much as Mini does

YouWinAgain · 07/06/2019 16:43

Graduation photos at Nursery today.

Mini decided she wasn't going to wear shoes this morning. I put them in her bag and they put them on her when I dropped her this morning.

She apparently took them off and is not wearing shoes in the class photo...Nursery staff said it's one of her "quirks" and they love that her personality will be shown on the photo...ffs make my job harder why don't you?

OP posts:

Motoko · 07/06/2019 17:07

Haha! Mind you, shoes can feel quite restrictive, so I can understand it. Shame those who want to pick fault would use it against you though.

Dana28 · 07/06/2019 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sparklyring · 07/06/2019 17:39

@Dana28 Unkind and unhelpful comment. OP has absolutely won and deservedly so. Now do fuck off.

YouWinAgain · 07/06/2019 18:17

You havent won.

I think you will find having 95% custody/residency of my DD, doing all of her appointments, getting her up and ready for Nursery with only the occasional late drop off, keeping myself, DD and a cat alive, and managing on a shoe string budget despite his best efforts to undermine me is winning.

OP posts:

omione · 07/06/2019 18:18

Bloody fantastic x

Binglebong · 07/06/2019 18:56

Wonderful how much your confidence has gone up - when I first saw your posts you would not have answered like that. Brilliant!

I feel as if i would recognise Mini if I saw her - you paint such a clear picture of her and her mischievous way. I hope you continue to post about, she makes me smile every time.

greengrower · 07/06/2019 19:09

Dont feed the troll! Just report!

greengrower · 07/06/2019 19:10

And yes, OP, you HAVE won :)

notacooldad · 07/06/2019 19:19

Dana28 is in a trolling mood today!
I've seen some of their other comments on another thread.
Some may say he/ she is an insufferable pain in the ass.

Motoko · 07/06/2019 19:27

Yes, what Binglebong said! I have an image of her in my head, with a cheeky little smile and sparkly eyes, full of mischief!

You're most definitely the winner. He tries something, and you swat it away. And he doesn't have a close, loving relationship, with Mini, like you do. When he's old and alone, and Mini is a confidant, happy, woman, he'll wish he had what you do.

YouWinAgain · 07/06/2019 20:34

She is so happy nowadays, she's a completely different child to the one she was when I left ExH and although I still won't take the credit for that (I think it's her personality personally) I can say that decisions I've made have made her the way she is.

OP posts:

Queenofthestress · 07/06/2019 22:24

@Binglebong it's the by product of many a kicks up the butt and being away from that complete cockwomble (and that's one of the nicer things I've called him )

YouWinAgain · 07/06/2019 22:29

and that's one of the nicer things I've called him

It mostly certainly is

OP posts:

YouWinAgain · 08/06/2019 17:13

Super proud of Mini.

My town had a carnival today and her Nursery had a float. Mini was one of the 14 pre-school children (out of over 50 preschoolers as they have 2 preschools) chosen to go on it due to her being trusted to behave.

She sat beautifully and really enjoyed the day. Treated her to a visit to the fair afterwards and she was so good, didn't ask for anything except hook a duck prizes (which she got 3!) and a go on the bouncy castle.

ExH kinda spoilt it by trying to get her off the float at the end of the carnival instead of waiting for me, and turning up with all his family but 2 of his cousins where in the parade and the Nursery manager had spotted him and kept hold of Mini until I got to the float to take her off so it wasn't all bad!

Super proud of her.

OP posts:

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 08/06/2019 17:22

I’ve been following your story OP and it makes me so happy to see how far you’ve come. Mini is very lucky to have a great mum like you and it seems clear that the professionals around you also see that.

I want to send you a steak to help you stay strong but as there isn’t a beef emoji I will have to settle for

YouWinAgain · 27/06/2019 19:43

Can't believe how far we've come in a year!

Mini is 4 years old tomorrow and the difference a year makes!

This time last year she hadn't seen her dad since beginning of May and wouldn't see him again until September, she couldn't say much, and I was panicking that she'd never be ready for school this year.

Today she's had a visit to school and told her teacher that Grandad (Ex-FIL) has smelly feet . She was able to tell the teacher her name, how old she is, that it's her birthday tomorrow. She was playing with the other children and although she's much smaller than them she loved it, she's going to love school.

I am crying so much now as I am so proud of how far we've both come! Can't believe it. A year ago today I was wondering if it would be my last birthday with Mini as I was adamant that I wasn't good enough and I should drop her with her dad and leave, now I am looking forward to a future with her.

I didn't get the job I interviewed for, but I have a few more interviews coming up and these are more in a field I want to be in. I am so happy right now

OP posts:

Binglebong · 27/06/2019 21:42

so very very pleased. There have been some horrible things happening in this thread but one thing that has shone through is how both you and Mini have blossomed, I could see the change. I am so glad that things are now in such a positive place. Is it wrong to he proud of someone you've never met? Because I am, the way you have grown and developed is incredible. You face things so well, your philosophical, you're making the best of things and starting to trust.

If you ever doubt yourself read these threads and see for yourself how you've changed. And be very very proud of both Mini and yourself. You deserve to be.

I may have a little tear in my eye.

YouWinAgain · 27/06/2019 22:53

Is it wrong to he proud of someone you've never met?

Nah, a lot of people are proud of me including people who've never met me so I think your ok

OP posts:

Binglebong · 28/06/2019 00:36

Motoko · 28/06/2019 02:35

Yep, add me to the list of people who are proud of you both! I'm so glad that you're in a much better place now, than when you started these threads. I hope that if you have a wobbly anytime, you remember how far you've come, and remember, you'll get through it, and things usually aren't as bad as they seem.

Shame about the interview, but just see it as practice, and leaving you free to get a job in the field you'd prefer.

Happy Birthday to Mini! I hope she has a wonderful day.

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