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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH does very little with Xmas prep

66 replies

Notinlalaland · 11/12/2018 15:49

Just a moan really. I’ve bought 99.9% of presents, will wrap and post etc. I will do all xmas cards, food shopping.
DH is just not interested and thinks it’s all a massive hype/consumerism.
Have D.C. aged 6 and 8.
Just fed up with him making no effort at all.

OP posts:

adaline · 11/12/2018 15:53

I agree with your DH to be honest I see far too many people stress themselves out over Christmas!

Just worry about your family and let him deal with the rest. If DH wants to sent his sister a card that's his choice, I'm certainly not going to worry about it!

Believeitornot · 11/12/2018 15:56

I’m guessing he’s not even bothering for the dcs.

What a shame. Consumerism is a crappy excuse. It’s not about buying loads of stuff but about thinking about others and what they might like.

FamilyOfAliens · 11/12/2018 15:59

Maybe when it comes round to his birthday you could decide you’ve had enough of consumerism too?

ZacPosenatemyhamster · 11/12/2018 16:01

His excuse may be different but in my circle of friends it's not unusual for women to do all the Christmas prep. It sucks

Myheartbelongsto · 11/12/2018 16:01

Stop being a martyr.

Write a to do list and then split it.

Calzone · 11/12/2018 16:02

Such a lot of faff for just one day 🙄

Very glad I don’t celebrate it.

Original poster

Notinlalaland · 11/12/2018 16:03

Do otter peoples partners get more involved with stuff?
It’s not the doing part so much as the thinking. I’m tired of having to think of everything.

OP posts:

babysharkah · 11/12/2018 16:04

I deal with family he deals with his. I bought stuff for the kids still wanted to spend a bit more so left it to him. Jesus Christ the questions - just make a bloody decision!!

blueskiesandforests · 11/12/2018 16:04

Is he not involved/ interested in the DC's presents?

I agree that "Christmas prep" is largely unnecessary busy work unless you want to do it, but some things such as your own children's presents should interest both parents not as "Christmas prep" so much as being significant to the DC therefore somewhat significant to both parents!

Food shopping I regard no differently from year round food shopping - it should be shared or not according to your usual division of labour.

Presents and cards for wider family - if his side don't do them then respect to them, but you shouldn't be doing them for him for his side nor expecting him to be particularly involved in your Christmas cards to your old school friends and great aunts etc.

PickAChew · 11/12/2018 16:05

Are doing all the buying for his family? If so, stop.

Snowydaysaregreat · 11/12/2018 16:05

My dp don't. I ask for his input on ideas and he leaves it to me. I like it that way. He writes one card that's mine..

adaline · 11/12/2018 16:06

DH sorts out his family, I do mine. Everything gets signed from both of us. We have no DC's yet so no issues there.

There's only two of us so the food shop will be done probably the 23rd of December - we'll just the bits for a roast onto our normal shop which we'll do together.

No stress, no fuss. On the day we'll go for a long dog walk with the hound, maybe play board games or watch films, eat, have some drinks and just relax!

boymum9 · 11/12/2018 16:07

Dh does nothing really in regards to presents, wrapping, cards etc, it's fine I don't mind doing it, we don't go CRAZY at xmas but there is a lot to buy for family, which is mainly his to be honest, but if it were left to him to buy for all his nieces and sister etc I'd feel bad for them...! Haha.

He loves getting involved and buying and decorating the tree with the kids, he'll partake in anything Christmassy if given the chance, and to be fair on him if I wrote a list and asked him to do half he'd gladly do it, I'm just happy enough doing it myself.

Isadora2007 · 11/12/2018 16:07

Have you sat and discussed together what you both agree needs done? Tbh I do most of the Xmas prep- but DH works to earn the money I spend, he entertains the kids so I can wrap and prep when needed, he is appreciative and I love Xmas.
IF I wasn’t happy with the balance I’d talk about it LONG before Xmas and agree beforehand what we agreed needed done and who would be doing it.

Confusedbeetle · 11/12/2018 16:08

I have done everything for 45 years. If I didnt nothing would happen at all

Nicknacky · 11/12/2018 16:09

I do nearly all of our Christmas organisation although h does the food. I find it easier to keep track if I am buying everything and would get confused or forget things if h started getting involved.

ChristmasFlary · 11/12/2018 16:13

Do you both work FT? If one of you doesn't then that person should be the one who has the time to get the gifts whilst the kids are in school.

I have done mine pretty much all online this year.

BusterGonad · 11/12/2018 16:13

I think husbands doing zero prep is why many wife's can't be fucked with it any more. I know I no longer bother and my life is so much better!

blueskiesandforests · 11/12/2018 16:15

I do agree with "it's not the doing part so much as the thinking" in a more general year round way though.

It depends whether it's year round that you do the mental load, in which case YANBU, or just that you're very into Christmas and he isn't.

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 11/12/2018 16:28

My DH doesn't get much involved either, except to writ out cards for the people he wants to send one to.

His justification is that it's just a "big Sunday dinner". And you know what?

He's right!

Daphne21 · 11/12/2018 16:29

When my hubby & kids stopped helping me do Christmas prep & left it all to me I stopped too, they didn’t even notice there was no tree up or decorations for two years & never asked why..I’d been going through all the hell of doing it myself for years for nothing 🙄

Holidayshopping · 11/12/2018 16:31

Did you stop the presents and Xmas dinner as well?!

florriepeck · 11/12/2018 16:32

Calzone, may I ask why you don't celebrate Christmas?
I love the idea of that.

MiggledyHiggins · 11/12/2018 16:36

We divide it up. He does all the gifts for his side, and the Santa /toy shop, collect and wrap. I do all the planning for the food prep. I love cooking and planning meals, so it's an arrangement that suits us.

Other stuff - we don't do cards. We pick out the tree as a family. He puts it up, DS and I decorate it. We aren't overly consumerist - my side don't bother with gifts except we chip in for DM, and get our godchild a small gift like a book or something, his side do a kris kingle and also only buy for godchildren.

blueskiesandforests · 11/12/2018 16:37

Daphne21 that's the thing isn't it? My mother used to utterly martyr herself over Christmas because she was so determined to do it right, as if there was a hidden camera and our survival depended on the approval of an imaginary audience. We were all walking on eggshells and there was little pleasure in the rigid schedule, except that which we had to take to ward off the inevitable upset about her "just wanting everyone to be happy" which as we reached our mid teens meant Christmas meant a several day long charade of Trying Not To Upset Mum...

My kids are still young so tree, presents and a roast yes, but the rest can take a hike - often nobody whatsoever benefits from more "Christmas prep" "memory making" and stressful hyped up expectations.

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