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Original poster

DH does very little with Xmas prep

66 replies

Notinlalaland · 11/12/2018 15:49

Just a moan really. I’ve bought 99.9% of presents, will wrap and post etc. I will do all xmas cards, food shopping.
DH is just not interested and thinks it’s all a massive hype/consumerism.
Have D.C. aged 6 and 8.
Just fed up with him making no effort at all.

OP posts:
TchoupiEtDoudou · 11/12/2018 16:40

DH isn't very bothered about Christmas, I think it stems from his childhood.

We choose the tree together, DH carries it home (quite a long way) and sets it up. I decorate with the DC as DH is really not bothered. He helps strip the tree afterwards though and takes it out to the local tree collection point.

He does presents for his family (1 person). I do for mine (5 people) plus a bit for MIL as I like her. DC - I do all the thinking and buying but I do make DH sit down and listen to my ideas and see if he thinks X or Y is better. I also wrap everything, but DH has to take the DC out whilst I do it - and I love listening to music and doing that.

Cards - we each do our own.

Christmas meal - we choose what we want together and share the cooking and cleaning up.

I'm much more into Christmas than DH is, but he is slowly getting into it and the traditions I've brought to the family.

LoniceraJaponica · 11/12/2018 16:42

OH does nothing. To be fair the adults stopped buying presents for each other years ago, but OH will only write a csrd out to his mum (when I remind him). He couldn't care less about celebrating anything. Christmas day is not that much different to a Sunday in our house, except for the presents and a Christmas dinner.

He isn't big on birthdays either or mothers/fathers day.

HappyEverIftar · 11/12/2018 16:43

I do all the shopping, prep etc DH does the cooking on the day.

I understand your frustration OP, it can feel like a lot of work.

LoniceraJaponica · 11/12/2018 16:44

OH helps in the kitchen and washes up.

onalongsabbatical · 11/12/2018 16:54

I agree with your DH. I did as little a I could get away with when my children were little and now I just ignore it as much as I can. The whole thing is a big nasty turn-off for me. People who actually like xmas really have to understand that for some of us it's a huge pain. Symptomatic of mass human insanity and hysteria.

Bobbybobbins · 11/12/2018 16:57

My DH did nothing last year. Luckily we ate at a relative's. I bought all the presents for our kids and nieces/nephews. He was embarrassed as he had no idea what they were getting so this year is helping out.

Mitzimaybe · 11/12/2018 16:59

If DH would be happy not to "have" Christmas at all then that's kind of fair enough (although I might insist he make an effort for the DC.) However, if he expects it all to just happen without him lifting a finger then that's unreasonable. The kind of man who says "we must have my parents round" but doesn't do the cleaning, the shopping or the cooking to enable it. I wouldn't put up with that.

AnnaMagnani · 11/12/2018 17:05

Have a conversation with him about what he thinks Christmas should look like bearing in mind 1. consumerism and 2. he has small children

Here we have no kids but DH puts up the decorations - same every year, out of box in loft, does Christmas cards as it means more to him than me, sorts presents for his relatives and works out when we are going to visit them.

He also seems v up for receiving presents and consuming large quantities of food so we write each other a short list of similar budget and he does all the washing up.

This is a massive improvement from the early years where I did everything. I think I've calmed down and he has stepped up.

3WildOnes · 11/12/2018 17:11

Don’t be a martyr. We each buy guests for our own families. I buy most of the presents for the children but that’s because I enjoy it. We do wrapping together over an evening before Christmas.

IHopeThisIsAGoodIdea · 11/12/2018 17:15

People are either into Christmas or they're not, it's up to you whether or not to make yourself a "Christmas Martyr".

Fresta · 11/12/2018 17:23

OP- I'm with you - it's exactly what I have said to my DH- it's not the doing it all- it'a the THINKING of everything.

What to buy everyone?
What to cook?
Who to send cards to?
When to post them?
Remember to buy wrapping paper,
The drinks,
Who to invite?
Crackers,
Concerts,
Kids parties,
Outfits,
Advent Calendar,
Christmas Jumper day,
School Fayre,
Cleaning the house for visitors,
The tree and when and where to buy to one,
Decorations,
etc. etc.

DH does anything I want him to- but I still have to think about what I want him to do!!!!

Fresta · 11/12/2018 17:30

Does anyone's DH ever say- 'What shall we get for your mum?' or 'Do you like this wrapping paper?' or 'Ive bought a new bauble for the tree', or 'don't forget the School Fayre is on Saturday- I'll send a cake donation in'.

stegosauruslady · 11/12/2018 17:45

DP does all of the buying for his friends and family (if I have a good idea for someone, I'll make a suggestion though!) and we discuss the DC's presents together. I I do the food (because I enjoy it, he is a good sous chef though!)

We decorate together and organise Christmas trips out together.

I suggest you stop doing his share of the work!

AnnaMagnani · 11/12/2018 18:04

Does anyone's DH ever say- 'What shall we get for your mum?' or 'Do you like this wrapping paper?' or 'Ive bought a new bauble for the tree', or 'don't forget the School Fayre is on Saturday- I'll send a cake donation in'

No, he would never say what shall we get for your mum Grin and he wouldn't dare put a bauble on our my tree GrinGrin

But 'have we got wrapping paper?' 'Do we have any cards?' 'What are we drinking?' and 'When are we visiting everyone?' - yes absolutely. He sorts most of that out either himself or jointly.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 11/12/2018 18:13

I am gobsmacked at times as to how invested and stressed some people get over Christmas. It’s not healthy!

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 11/12/2018 18:16

'Ive bought a new bauble for the tree'

I pity people who think this is actually worthy of interest!

adaline · 11/12/2018 18:19

'Do you like this wrapping paper?' or 'Ive bought a new bauble for the tree',

I have to admit I've never said either of those things! We've had the same decorations since we got together and even those were the cheapest we could find in the right colours...

Beaniebaby4 · 11/12/2018 18:30

I’m a bit Christmas mad and enjoy buying things guilt free.
My DH is really not very bothered about it all, I mainly just ask that he put a bit of money aside for food and presents. Then he gets a lovely surprise when he sees what we got his family Xmas Grin
I want him to be involved in all the stuff he finds fun about Christmas so everyone can enjoy it. Just so happens I love a lot of Christmas stuff although I tend to prefer the run up to the actual day.
I wish he’d do the cards one year though, hate writing them, but my family gets very stroppy if they don’t get one!
If nobody is enjoying it, why put the effort in? Just do other fun stuff and get everyone gift cards or chocolates.

blueskiesandforests · 11/12/2018 18:30

Fresta I've never said any of those things myself, my DH has never said any of them, my teen DD has never said any of them either, though actually she'd be the most likely to in our family - she likes presents (both giving and receiving) and decorating more than the rest of us...

I'm not convinced any of your examples are things anyone ever needs to say...

BarbedBloom · 11/12/2018 18:38

We go shopping together for food and presents and put tree up together. I do tend to sort the Christmas cards as I am more bothered about it than he is. He sorts all of my presents himself, so fairly split here really

RebelWitchFace · 11/12/2018 18:48

We put the tree and decs up together.
He buys my presents and some for DD(normally the more expensive onesGrin).
We don't do cards or presents for other people.
I wrap all DD's presents,but he takes her out and keeps her busy for however long I need.
We go together Christmas food shopping and I cook for me and DD and he does his stuff.
We're both up bleary eyed and fake cheered at stupid o'clock Christmas morning with DD.

PumpkinKitty82 · 11/12/2018 18:57

That’s sad .
It’s not all about consumerism , it’s what you make it .
I’m lucky that DH loves Christmas as much as me and he helps with everything including the cooking. The only thing by myself is all the wrapping but I have much more time to do that so don’t mind

BlueJava · 11/12/2018 19:02

My DP does the cards/presents for his side, I do my side of the family. We both think of things for our 2 DS but I usually organise them. We both wrapt them up (usually together - he does one I do the other). He's also got all the decs down from the loft and the DSs put them up. I'll do dinner - but have pre-ordered most of it from M&S. 1 or may be both DS will come to M&S to help buy last bits and collect it. Fairly evenly split here.

LoniceraJaponica · 11/12/2018 19:07

OH wouldn't care if we had a Christmas tree or not. I am not over invested in Christmas at all and don't get stressed. I only cook for the three of us, and we eat when it's ready.

kmc1111 · 11/12/2018 19:15

He should be helping with presents for the kids and his family (if his family exchange presents), and with planning and cooking a meal if you’re eating at home Christmas Day. But the rest is all rather optional. So long as he’d be happy with a more pared back Christmas I don’t think he’s unreasonable to opt out of the stuff he considers unnecessary.