DH does very little with Xmas prep

[Notinlalaland]

Just a moan really. I’ve bought 99.9% of presents, will wrap and post etc. I will do all xmas cards, food shopping.
DH is just not interested and thinks it’s all a massive hype/consumerism.
Have D.C. aged 6 and 8.
Just fed up with him making no effort at all.

When me and dh got together 11 years ago we both loved Xmas.
Now I do everything and I hate it.
I've stopped doing Xmas dinner and we go out but as I want to make it nice for the kids I do everything else.
And before anyone says just don't do it, I can't. Literally nothing would be done.
I would love to just wake up tomorrow in January.

My DH loves Christmas as much as I do, he says it's because we have young children and before our eldest was born in 2009 he always worked Christmas so was "just another day"

He'll help put up the tree, he'll help on the day with food and cleaning and entertaining. But he often has no idea what presents the kids have got as I sort it whilst kids are at school. He does gifts for his family however.

We do go "all out" for Xmas day and boxing day and thoroughly enjoy it, I think it is what you make it. Pre children I used to just stay home on my own eating snacks and watching tv and was just as happy.

I don't get why people get so stressed over it however, suddenly it's needing Xmas bedding, crazy table decorations, bastard elves on shelves, all these "making memories" rubbish trips and Santa visits, and visiting this person and that person and 17 kinds of dessert and all the other insane things people seem to care about.

DH loves Christmas. He does his family gifts, I do mine. He hauls the decorations down from the attic when I ask. He is more into the food than I am so tends to plan that, he gets very giddy at filling in the butchers order form.

However I would say most of the ‘mental load’ falls to me, making sure presents for our DC arrive in time, sorting out cards/stamps (he signs his name), thinking about things like when we need to book Father Christmas visits, seeing if there’s any nice family activities we can do in the holidays. I like crafty things so make a wreath, advent calendars, gingerbread, salt dough decorations etc. Some of these things are not necessary but do add to the magic of the season and I enjoy organising it so there’s no resentment.

Growing up the dynamic was very different, Mum did everything and was frazzled and stressed for much of Christmas. Not good for anyone when it’s like that.

Confused beetle..don’t bother then..they clearly don’t..would be a huge wake up call to them.

Holiday shopping, it’s just me & hubby now so no pressies, nothing we want & treat ourselves going out for dinner as our gift rather than the faff of cooking just for us two. Works perfectly, we have a relaxed day with no fuss. When the kids were older teenagers I still bought presents & cooked dinner but stopped putting up the decorations as no one helped or could care less lol.

We split tasks but he’s generally better than me.
He has always bought the big presents, faxed letters to Father Christmas, cut tree, done high level decoration. He sorts the drinks order etc I do stockings, food, making wreaths etc.
We all do the tree. We both used to do the transport. We pay cleaners an extra day to sort beds and bathrooms.

DH does the buying of the tree and decorating the tree/house with the kids the same weekend every year, I admire it when he's done. I order the food and he cooks it as he's better at roast dinners. I do majority of the presents online because I work less hours than him, so that's fair and I love choosing gifts. We both wrap and both hate it, but dd loves it and now she's a teen does most of it for us. We arrange between us and our diaries who we're visiting and who's visiting us, that's the only activities we do, so not hard really and we divide the cooking up and both run around resentfully cleaning up for and after visitors

Interesting to see the range of DH involvement.
It probably is a childhood growing up thing. DHs family do very little for Xmas, no special food, few decorations. It’s just not a big thing for them. I don’t go crazy but would like the children to have some nice things. Not expensive but just thought about.
DHs response is to give people vouchers and not send Xmas cards. What a barrel of fun that would be.

I do all the present buying and wrapping etc, it doesn't bother me. He does make dinner on the day though!

My DH and I are a bit like your DH. I think the presents are a bit useless as nowadays we get to buy stuff like clothes, toiletries etc.. whenever we need, whereas once (when we were little) it rarely happened so it made sense having presents on Christmas, or other festivities.

Never sent a card, normally would just give a phone call or send a text, but here in the UK it seems common, so maybe it's just a cultural difference.

As for the groceries, could you maybe order them once a week online and save the list for the future? Just order the food, open some booze and enjoy the day :)

My DH didn't do a lot of Xmas prep. Only the putting up of the Xmas tree and decorating it. He just started working a lot further from home so he is excused but every other year he doesn't do much either.

It's an understanding that we have that if I do all the work then if something is missed or not to his liking then he either sorts it and doesn't say a word or he doesn't say anything and puts up.

This year is going to be fun. I've done all the prep but I have an operation the Tuesday before Xmas so he is going to end up doing all the Xmas day stuff I do with my family and daughter. My family will pitch in but it's going to be fun watching him organise them

I do about 70% but don't mind cos I love it and my wife works longer hours, so seems fair.

We decide what to buy everyone, but then I do most ordering and the admin. We mostly share wrapping etc.

Happy medium innit?
Discuss what things you both things are important- presents for kids, nice meal etc i assume and divide. Any one who want to do extra can do it.

My ex was really crap at the "wifework"" but on the years we had Xmas at home he did the food shopping so that was something.

You're choosing to do it though. What would happen if you didn't? Presumably your DH isn't doing it because he's not fussed. I tend to agree with him. The less I do, the more I enjoy Christmas.

If he wants it to happen, sit down like adults and share out the tasks.

I've always done the majority of it. If I want him to do something I ask him otherwise I do it all mostly. I have no problem with it, he works away very long hours I wouldn't expect him to sort Xmas on top. If you want him to do more then tell him this.