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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed at this response?

74 replies

pleasecomebacksummer · 22/09/2018 23:41

I've been with my boyfriend for 16 months. We have taken things slow, don't love together and still have quite separate lives. We haven't met each other's friends or family yet.
Today I got an invite for a wedding in February and my boyfriend is also invited. I text him telling him. He replied with 'that's great but I'm dying' (he already told me he had a cold). I responded with 'you have 5 months to recover 🤣🤣🤣' he replied with 'I may still be ill then' I replied with '🤣🤣 that's a bit extreme'. He replied with 'I dunno, I feel pressure rubbish'. I replied acknowledging this but said it's 5 months away. He then changed the subject and said good night. Am I being unreasonable to feel like it was inadvertently trying to say he doesn't want to come? Or is he just being like this because he feels ill and is ages away so doesn't need to worry about it? To add a bit of context he never gives straight answers which I thinks he does to avoid discussing certain things, and I've also had concerns before about his commitment.

OP posts:
Losingthewill1 · 22/09/2018 23:42

Either he doesn’t see you two together in February or hes making his escape now.

Serious talk needed

19lottie82 · 22/09/2018 23:43

You’ve been with him 16 months and haven’t met his friends or family yet? That combined with the fact he doesn’t want to go to a wedding with you suggests he views you as a FWB rather than a serious relationship.
I think you should really consider where this relationship is going.

Disquieted1 · 22/09/2018 23:43

He was joking and probably got fed up that you took him literally.
Let it go.

DolceFarNiente · 22/09/2018 23:46

We have taken things slow

Is it you as a couple that have taken things slow or him? Are you happy with leading separate lives?

This relationship dynamic sounds weird to me but if you are both happy that way then who am I to judge. However, it sounds like you would like him to be a real BF and do real BF things which means that surely you're not compatible? How can you be together nearly a year and a half and not be interested in meeting each other's friends and family? It sounds more like FWB than a relationship!

thefourgp · 22/09/2018 23:46

When you’re in a relationship you’re excited about and proud of you want them to meet your friends and family. I’m sorry OP but if you’ve been together for 16 months and this hasn’t happened it’s because he doesn’t consider you a permanent part of his life. X

DolceFarNiente · 22/09/2018 23:47

he never gives straight answers

By the way, how doesn't his immaturity annoy the hell out of you? He sounds like a man-child!

Original poster
pleasecomebacksummer · 22/09/2018 23:47

Disquieted we use a lot of emojis and I'm sure he is joking because of course he can't control being ill in 6 months but he didn't use emojis like he usually does and didn't say anything to make me think he would want to come..... but then he has said he's ill and I know when he's ill he's a typical man, is dying (when he isn't) and it's all about him so probably typical of him not to engage in any more conversation than that in that context.

OP posts:
CottonTailRabbit · 22/09/2018 23:49

You haven't met any of his friends and family? Serious? Not even his real girlfriend?

19lottie82 · 22/09/2018 23:49

OP as discussed I’d be morse concerned that you haven’t met each other’s friends or family after 16 months than the wedding issue.

If you asked him to come to your parents for dinner next week, what would he say?

DolceFarNiente · 22/09/2018 23:49

What does he mean by "I feel pressure rubbish"?

QueenOfMyWorld · 22/09/2018 23:51

Not to meet friends or family after 6 months,fair enough but 16? Was it a mutual cho ice to do that or his?

CottonTailRabbit · 22/09/2018 23:51

Does he tag you on social media? Post about lovely romantic times you've had? Any sign that you are not actually his side chick?

Maelstrop · 22/09/2018 23:52

16 months and you haven’t met each other’s friends and family?! Is he married??

Oddcat · 22/09/2018 23:52

Could he be married ?

Bambamber · 22/09/2018 23:52

16 months and you haven't met each other's friends and family? Never gives straight answers? I think you should most certainly be concerned about his commitment!

Graphista · 22/09/2018 23:53

There's slow...and then there's snails pace! 16 months and never met his family & friends? And I think no interest in meeting yours either? Nah, he's not that into you. Bin him off!

I'd also be asking have you been to his home? Stayed over there? Are you CERTAIN he's properly single?

Graphista · 22/09/2018 23:54

My ex was in the army when we met his family and close/old friends were 300 miles away - he still made sure I met them I think it was around 3-4 months after we met that he took me "home" to meet everyone.

user1473878824 · 22/09/2018 23:55

16 months and you haven’t met his friends?! Okay....

Birdsgottafly · 22/09/2018 23:56

You live separate lives and haven't met his Friends or family? You are either his bit on the side, or just convenient.

This is going nowhere, go the bedding, have fun and find yourself someone who is really interested in you.

19lottie82 · 22/09/2018 23:57

Surely if you are in a proper relationship then you can’t wait to introduce your partner to your friends and family? If you’re happy with a casual / FWB situation then fair enough, but if this is the case I don’t think you can be upset if he doesn’t want to go to a wedding with you.

LinoleumBlownapart · 22/09/2018 23:57

Don't mean to be harsh but it sounds like either he's not single of your not his only girlfriend.

Disquieted1 · 22/09/2018 23:59

Bit harsh.
The OP asked about specific text messages, not for counsel on the wider state of her relationship.

HeddaGarbled · 23/09/2018 00:00

Time to dump this one, I think.

Not living together after 16 months = totally fine.

Haven’t met each other’s friends and family = this is not a proper relationship.

CherryRoseAnna · 23/09/2018 00:00

Me and DP has each other's family members phone numbers and had moved in with each other after 18 months. Not saying everyone should do this but very odd to not have even met his family or friends after 16! I would be worried...

Original poster
pleasecomebacksummer · 23/09/2018 00:00

Yes I've been to his house loads of times.

Yes he does tag me in posts and pictures on social media.

I've met his teenage kids on a number of occasions.

He's definitley not with anyone else.

It's hard to explain the not meeting friends and family. In some ways it's a self protection by my, in some ways particularly in relation to my parents it's not that simple due to distance. An opportunity for him to meet them hasn't even come up due to distance and other commitments.

Friends, yes it could have happened if we really wanted it to but neither of us is very social and don't see friends very often. Only tends to be special occasions really. When I've seen mine he's been at work. I can't think of any times he's seen his recently but in he doesn't have much free time due to working shifts and having his kids.

OP posts:
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