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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not attracted to DP anymore. He makes me feel sick.

53 replies

BananaBoat99 · 19/09/2018 22:56

DP has become a bit gross of late. Constant farts. Constant burps. Constant throat cleaning. Plus his snoring keeps me clearing all night every night. It is all infuriating and I feel like I am becoming less and less attracted to him because of it.

How do I fix? Do I just outright tell him? Do I learn to live with it? It's driving me insane to the point that sex is off the cards pretty much permanently.

Don't know what to do. He's the same person, he just doesn't care about manners anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
BananaBoat99 · 19/09/2018 22:57

*clearing

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 19/09/2018 22:59

Explain to him that his behaviour is unacceptable and you can't carry on like this. Either he sorts it out or you'll have to split. He's not making any effort. Is he depressed for some reason?

steff13 · 19/09/2018 22:59

What has caused this change? Presumably he wasn't this gassy when you first got together

WarmWishes · 19/09/2018 23:01

Better out, than in.

Original poster
BananaBoat99 · 19/09/2018 23:02

He claims he was but he wasn't. There was a half arsed effort to go to doctors. He never went back. I feel repulsed by him. It's constant. I feel guilty for looking at him like this. He just makes me feel sick... I'm 33 weeks pregnant, may be more irritable than usual..

OP posts:
Original poster
BananaBoat99 · 19/09/2018 23:03

@steff13 convinced it's caused by chain vaping!

OP posts:
steff13 · 19/09/2018 23:04

Maybe some of these feelings toward him are caused by the pregnancy?

Joey7t8 · 19/09/2018 23:04

You definitely should tell him. It’s very easy to get too comfortable in a long term relationship that you stop making the effort. If you being honest doesn’t give him a kick up the arse, then you’re certainly not obliged to live with it.

RLOU30 · 19/09/2018 23:04

Not doubting your feelings but I remember picking dp to shreds for at least half my pregnancy. I hated every nose he made even his loud Ross like breathing pissed me off

sanssherif · 19/09/2018 23:05

I was repulsed by my exH during my last pregnancy. I'd like to say it was the hormones but actually it was everything I mildly disliked before, brought to the surface. Everything. Farts smelt worse, not washing wasn't acceptable anymore because it made me heave. Even being near him or hearing him snore pissed me off.
I left him and am now happy single!

RLOU30 · 19/09/2018 23:05

*nosie but I hated his nose probably too

Happygummibear · 19/09/2018 23:07

When i was pregnant my dh smell repulsed me..... including washing powder, softener and the smell of our utility and conservatory.

I would explain that his behaviour is putting you off and blame the pregnancy but he needs to help you by not doing it.

CookPassBabtridge · 19/09/2018 23:08

See how you feel when baby is here, it's very common to feel like this during pregnancy. Not sure why, maybe nature is reserving all your love for your foetus? Or a part of us is resentful that they aren't going through it? Who knows!

JynxaSmoochum · 19/09/2018 23:17

I had phases in my first pregnancy where my tolerance for DH was very low. My sense of smell was hyper (with sensitive gag reaction) and I was exhausted from poor sleep. He didn't even need to be snoring, just having the audacity to breathe was beyond my boundaries for coping. I was better second time round but made use of the spare bed a lot in both pregnancies. Years later, I still love him really Wink

Any lifestyle changes in recent months to affect some of this behaviour? My system is quite sensitive to small changes.

It could be him, or you or something in between. (Helpful huh? Grin)

EdWinchester · 19/09/2018 23:29

He sounds revolting, hormonal or not.

Lalliella · 19/09/2018 23:37

Yuck. You need to tell him.

What’s your username all about btw?

Wdigin2this · 19/09/2018 23:39

Tell him straight, that level of his manners and respect for you, have dropped to the point, where you’re seriously doubting your feelings for him! If he doesn’t want to discuss that, then he’s a lost cause!

Rhiannon13 · 19/09/2018 23:43

Just ask him to stop, or insist he looks into the problem again. He's not five, you're not enjoying his behaviour, and if he respects you he'll sort himself out. I don't think you can blame your feelings on a pregnancy- induced aversion to smell: it sounds like he's being completely disgusting.

BrendasUmbrella · 19/09/2018 23:51

He could be more considerate, but as people have pointed out, you are probably highly sensitive to smells, etc now. Point that out to him. You are busy growing his baby as well as yours, so perhaps he could be a bit more thoughtful?

Do you have a spare room he can sleep in so that you can get undisturbed rest?

SummerIsEasy · 19/09/2018 23:52

Most people fart and some burp. Do you get up and leave the room each time either is imminent?

To be honest when I was younger I probably did, but after years of putting up with this behaviour from DH I reciprocated and DH is now more thoughtful. He has copped on that people can modify their behaviour to ensure others are not disgusted.

Original poster
BananaBoat99 · 20/09/2018 07:40

Thanks everyone! It's not that I have an issue with being bodily functions. I fart in front of DP it occasionally. He does it every 5 minutes and it's the throat clearing that bothers me!

@Lalliella my username? What's wrong with it?

OP posts:
easyandy101 · 20/09/2018 07:46

If he's started vaping and recently quit smoking then he'll be more phlegmy than normal for sure, hence throat clearing. It's not an effect of the vaping more an effect of quitting smoking that some people get

Noodge · 20/09/2018 08:03

Username-racist in my experience.

I would just tell him how much It's bothering you .

GogoGobo · 20/09/2018 08:09

Banana Boat is the name of the sun screen brand I use! You’d best let Ocado know you’ve found something else to be professionally offended by

Lalliella · 20/09/2018 08:10

Your username is part of a racist expression my dad used to use decades ago. I wasn’t sure if was more widely used or just him. It seemed an odd thing to call yourself.

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