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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I shouldn’t have to explain this to MIL

83 replies

TheRebel · 12/08/2018 22:56

We walked past a homeless person today and MIL gave him some money and then started chuntering away that we shouldn’t be letting foreigners into the country when we haven’t got enough houses for “our own” and I had to explain to her that homeless people aren’t homeless because there’s a shortage of housing but because of their complex needs, she found this very surprising.

I have also had to previously explain to her that Brexit didn’t happen the day after the referendum and that it wouldn’t stop people from outside the EU coming here.

She’s in her 60s, surely she should understand these things by now.

OP posts:
FASH84 · 12/08/2018 23:00

It's not about age SIL and her closest friends don't watch the news or read newspapers, because 'it's too depressing and scary' she's late twenties.

Singlenotsingle · 12/08/2018 23:00

Well, so long as she's got you to very kindly explain all this complicated stuff to her, she'll be ok, won't she? We MILs have so little understanding of the world Confused

hammeringinmyhead · 12/08/2018 23:01

Some people just believe things that other people tell them, or headlines they read once in news outlets with an agenda. I know people who tut at homeless people with dogs because "the dogs are all drugged." Which is probably something someone told them once and they took it as gospel.

SelenaMeyer2016 · 12/08/2018 23:02

It’s annoying isn’t it? Unfortunately it’s not only your MiL that thinks this way and so YABU!

My MiL is also a brexit supporter but annoyed that she may now have to queue for passport control on her two European holidays a year... I’ve stopped engaging as my health cannot take the infuriating conversations anymore.

IamaBluebird · 12/08/2018 23:03

Different people find different things difficult to understand op.
Brexit and the EU seems to be confusing enough of our politicians.

Iltavilli · 12/08/2018 23:04

Oh FFS @singlenotsingle OP was discussing an individual who happens to be her MIL, not all MILs. Sensitive much?

PaintedHorizons · 12/08/2018 23:05

SInglenotsingle - Grin

idonthaveatattoo · 12/08/2018 23:05

Well, there is a housing crisis in the country and part of that is because we have had a huge surge in population.

That doesn’t mean brexit is a good thing, but I think it’s disingenuous to pretend everything about being in the EU is rosy.

PaintedHorizons · 12/08/2018 23:06

OP was being goady. Another Brexit thread. Another ageist "all people over 60 are stupid" thread. Another MiL thread. Yawn!

JaniceBattersby · 12/08/2018 23:17

In our area the number of homeless people on our streets is very much partly because there are no houses available. They’re young men who previously would have been housed in a hostel or in a local authority flat if they had fallen on hard times. But there’s no hostel because of the local government funding crisis and the council houses are full because of the surge in population. Private rents are also through the roof because there’s a shortage of homes so the many, many homeles people in our town who have a job still can’t afford the deposit, so they live in tents in our underpasses. A few of them do have complex needs, but most don’t (at least, they don’t when they first arrive on the streets)

Fuck all to do with immigrants and much more to do with local population growth, but still mainly caused by the housing crisis.

Original poster
TheRebel · 12/08/2018 23:18

Ha not being goady, I’m just fed up with having to counter racism/xenophobia almost every time we meet up and hearing someone with strong views on a subject that they seem to know very little about!

OP posts:
idonthaveatattoo · 12/08/2018 23:20

There are loads of complex reasons for homelessness but your MIL is partly right, you are partly right as well, of course.

Singlenotsingle · 12/08/2018 23:20

Painted horizons precisely.

DelphiniumBlue · 12/08/2018 23:20

" I had to explain to her that homeless people aren’t homeless because there’s a shortage of housing... "
Well I'm nearly as old as your MIL, so you'll have to explain this slowly, but I'm pretty sure that the rise in homelessness is exactly because there is a massive shortage of housing, or put another way, demand outstrips supply, leading to unaffordable rents and lack of decent houses ( safe, dry etc).
Sure there are some people with complex needs, they still need to be adequately housed. Are you saying that their complex needs mean that they don't need to be housed, or is that that their complex needs make finding suitable housing more difficult? If their needs are such that they need supported accommodation, shouldn't that be available? Surely these people are more vulnerable, and need to be housed safely?

user1495390685 · 12/08/2018 23:29

You should perhaps avoid the subjects that are so close to your heart when you are with your MIL? You don't want to fall out over politics, do you? Not worth it.

SandAndSea · 12/08/2018 23:37

OP, it might be that her "surprise" at what you're saying to her is more about how you're speaking to her and the assumptions you're obviously making about her, than the issues you're talking about. Your post reads to me as though you think you have to educate her and consider her to be less intelligent and educated than yourself. I'm sure she knows some things you don't.

Birdsgottafly · 12/08/2018 23:49

""You should perhaps avoid the subjects that are so close to your heart when you are with your MIL?""

They aren't that far away from the MILs, her giving the homeless person money, was what sparked this.

Homelessness is on the rise because of a lack of housing. As said, even the people with complex needs are homeless because of a lack of provision, so you aren't completely right.

There are areas of the Country were immigration has put a strain on services, housing and school places. You might want to deny that, but that's what has and is happening.

CSIblonde · 13/08/2018 01:21

She's just not very informed. Lots of people don't watch or read any news or keep up with current issues. The stats when Esther Rantzen did a doc on Homelesness were 86% had either complex mental health issues or were teens escaping abusive home life, who had fallen thru cracks in the housing and care system. Can't remember what the other 14% were. Drugs/alcohol probably.

Broussard · 13/08/2018 01:40

I had to explain to her that homeless people aren’t homeless because there’s a shortage of housing

Should have a word with yourself Miss Superior, since that is precisely why a lot of homeless people are homeless. Hmm

Broussard · 13/08/2018 01:41

The stats when Esther Rantzen did a doc on Homelesness were 86% had either complex mental health issues or were teens escaping abusive home life, who had fallen thru cracks in the housing and care system. Can't remember what the other 14% were. Drugs/alcohol probably

That's people who live on the streets. Most homeless people do not.

I can't believe people can't tell the difference!

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 13/08/2018 02:11

My MIL voted for Brexit, yet her two sons are both fathered by immigrants...I stopped trying to understand her after that.

Charolais · 13/08/2018 02:17

Ha not being goady, I’m just fed up with having to counter racism/xenophobia almost every time we meet up and hearing someone with strong views on a subject that they seem to know very little about!

Mark my word, if she is in her 60’s then she knows more about the subject then you do, she just doesn’t want to argue with you.

Coyoacan · 13/08/2018 05:36

Someone tries to show their superior knowledge and shows their ignorance instead.

QuoadUltra · 13/08/2018 05:40

Is your point about MILs, about ‘stupid people’ or about your own insight?

Difficult to tell.

StopCloudSeeding · 13/08/2018 05:42

Well apparently there is an Irish family living under a bridge somewhere in Ireland where immigrants are given houses and benefits.

Personally, seeing what goes on around me I am inclined to believe this is true.

Coming to a town near you soon!

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