To be fed up being ugly

[Mammalamb]

I’ve never been good looking, and always been a bit ugly. But In the last few months it’s been really getting me down. I just see that most other women are attractive but I have a really ugly face, hideous hair and to top it off, I’m fat (size 16-18). I’ve got a lovely husband and son. A good job, and lots of friends. But I just don’t feel happy because I hate what I see in the mirror. I don’t have a massive amount of time to get ready in the the morning, so I look like a pile of poo when I get to work. I’m only 37 but look about 50!!

Hi OP - I’m sure you’re not ugly!
And in the kindest way possible, if you feel down in the dumps about the way you look, do something about it! Get your hair done, try to lose a little weight, experiment with new make up, buy some new clothes that flatter your figure

I’ve had my hair done a few times but all the colouring etc has made it worse! Now, the diet starts on Monday as that will help my figure. But my face is just hideous! I think I need some sort of surgery on it (Botox??) to make it look ok.

You don’t need surgery. Healthy eating doesn’t start Monday. It starts now. Cut your portions by a third. Eat lots of salad with your dinner to fill you up. It’s easier now it’s warmer. Drink lots of water. Buy some nice clothes. Go to MAC and get them to help you choose some new make up. Go to a decent salon and if that doesn’t work, get some extensions put in. Get your teeth sorted. In my opinion a lot of people don’t realise that a healthy, white set of nashers can turn the most average of people into a stunner. Start cardio AND weight training. Even if you just walk up and downstairs for 30 minutes whilst listening to a podcast and lift some bean cans, every little counts.

You know, you can still like yourself as you are. We are all different in our bodies and looks and life is too short to waste it hating ourselves. You have the right to enjoy life just as you are.

Bet you are not ugly!

Sorry you feel so low OP. Have you sought any kind of help or counselling?

Unfinished. I hadn’t thought about my teeth at all! I need one of my crowns fixed so Ill look into that! I think one of the things I struggle with is getting time to do anything. So I’ll look into getting the teeth done

I've got a lovely husband and son. Bet they don't think you're ugly. Bet your lovely husband would describe you as beautiful to anyone who will listen and I bet your lovely son thinks you're the most beautiful mum in the whole wide world.
I bet you're a normal looking woman who needs a bit of a tidy up, some new clothes and to lose a bit of weight - like pretty much every other woman of your age and stage. Don't fret pet, make an effort and your inner beauty will pop out.

What would your ideal look be? Make a picture of it then be your own version of it. Life is happening now and it's a sin to waste it hating yourself. This may be a case of fake it til you make it.
Google Diane vreeland then have a think. You dictate how good you want it to be. Not the other way round.16 to 18 isn't fat. Slightly overshot the runway but not over the horizon and you are 35. Enjoy your best years do t wish them away.

Focus on losing weight and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Everyone can look good if they play to their strengths. Work out what colours and styles suit you. I'm 48 and I think I only found my style in my 30s in terms of understanding my body shape and knowing what styles would suit me and my colouring.

Find a good hairdresser, easier said than done unfortunately, but worth persevering with.

I get my eyebrows threaded and it makes such a huge difference to how groomed and together I look.

I don't wear make up but a bit of mascara and lip gloss suits everyone I think.

NOBODY in this world is ugly. You just need to find your style.

What SealSong said
You have a lovely little family, you enjoy your job and your friends love you for who you are. By all means, do things for yourself that make you feel good, but self confidence comes from within.

People who have had surgery and are slim etc, are not necessarily happy with the way they look and some people who are not typically beautiful are the most confident people who LOVE the way they look.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! It is not all about physical features I know some women who are “pretty” but they are actually pretty awful and have the personalities of a paper bag. Make the most of yourself even if that means just being clean and well turned out and a really really nice person. That way you are the most beautiful you can be.xxx

I agree about teeth. I have just finished Invisalign and had them whitened and they look fab. Still need to sort out the rest lol. Also good eyebrows can do wonders

you need to self love. Simple stuff can help. Do you get any me time? Do your nails, bubble baths with candles and wine some nice music. Pamper yourself. Pick clothes you like and wear them. Don't think about what others may think. Soon the confidence will come that says 'I don't care what others feel about me' and you will love yourself more as you have taken care of you. Do you have a local college that does reduced haircuts and styles if you are trying to save a bit? Eyebrows done, a little mascara and a little lip colour or gloss can make all the difference.

I’m similar to you OP.

The only way I have really changed lately is i started a bit of a health kick and have lost some weight. I’m now 4lb from my ideal weight and it has given me confidence. I have experimented with make up, and try to keep it natural looking but it gives me a boost knowing that i dont feel so conscious about my skin. I keep eye make up for going out so i feel extra special when i need to.

There are things I know i will never be able to change. Eg my teeth aren’t pretty due to long term medication side effects. Im never happy with my hair (naturally grey and hard to control at times). I would also love bigger boobs, and several other things. The way I have to think though is that I am so lucky to be reasonably healthy. There are so many people who would love to be in my position so i just have to make the most of what I have and appreciate the fact that my body is enabling me to enjoy life most of the time and that is what is really important.

I have felt the same as you..but only the other day the thought occurred to me that I was actually doing my husband a disservice by thinking these thoughts. I think my DH is a good-looking guy..he obviously thinks I'm 'something' by being with me..I know he hasn't just settled..like your husband I would imagine! Beauty also comes with confidence..it's a bit cheesy but I would recommend watching that new film 'I feel pretty'..I felt so good after that..it really did give me a boost I needed.

...I think that may read wrong...My husband hasn't settled..just like yours hasn't lol

I'm with you op. Actually sometimes from the front my face is ok but when I see a profile photo I feel like sobbing...i have a huge hook nose and no jaw... my chin slopes right into my neck. It's hideous and no amount of losing weight or make up cab hide it. So I just get on with what i have.

I'm sure you're not ugly. You sound a bit low.

Good haircut, roots done (if necessary) eyebrows threaded (and dyed if needed), teeth whitened, good bra and knickers, but lose the weight! If you can’t afford a gym go for regular works or swim. Eat food which is as natural as possible; avoid anything processed / from a packet or takeaway. Go for quality clothes from charity shops or eBay rather than cheap crap made by children in the Far East from Primark. You deserve to spend time AND money on yourself. Make the best of what you have. [ flowers]

!

Being beautiful doesn’t guarantee a perfect life or indeed happiness.

Oh god I hear you (not that I'm saying you're ugly). I'm ugly and it's affected my confidence significantly. I'm embarrassed when I'm introduced to people because I'm sure they're internally thinking I'm a munter. it's shit.

Well you're happily married and you have a child who I assume you didn't find on the doorstep. There fore some one obviously finds you attractive.
BTW while size 16-18 isnt skinny..Id be insulting your intelligence if i said it was. However It's certainly not stand out in the crowd obese, either.

I don’t think your problem is your looks. I think it’s how you feel about yourself. I suspect you’d feel the same even if you were Beyoncé (or whoever you believe to be beautiful).

In the short term I recommend binge watching Queer Eye (if you've not seen it) and pay attention to Karamo and Jonathan's messages about self love.