To be fed up being ugly

[Mammalamb]

I’ve never been good looking, and always been a bit ugly. But In the last few months it’s been really getting me down. I just see that most other women are attractive but I have a really ugly face, hideous hair and to top it off, I’m fat (size 16-18). I’ve got a lovely husband and son. A good job, and lots of friends. But I just don’t feel happy because I hate what I see in the mirror. I don’t have a massive amount of time to get ready in the the morning, so I look like a pile of poo when I get to work. I’m only 37 but look about 50!!

*Eyebrow shaping and tinting

Eyelash tinting*

You are making assumptions that all people have these things to shape and tint

I don't think it's terribly unreasonable to assume that most people have eyebrows and eyelashes. Some people don't, granted. But not many!

If the op has no eyebrows and eyelashes she could say so, and we could advise.

*Home manicure and pedicures

Tinkle razors (controversial I know) are great for exfoliation

Gentle teeth whitening at home

Very mild peels (ie boots no7 kit)*

I have also (outrageously) assumed that the op has skin, teeth, fingernails and toenails.

For clarity I have eyelashes, eyebrows,skin, feet, fingernails and toenails. I’m missing a couple of teeth though!

I think you have to ask yourself how often you see someone and think 'Wow, they're so ugly!' because I think you'll find the answer is hardly ever... so you can consider it's not likely you are either.

I know that most people would not peg me as beautiful or even especially attractive, but I also know that some people do find me very attractive too (not least my DH) and I take that with gratitude rather than an 'Oh, well they must be a bit weird'

The other thing is, as women there is this odd pressure now to 'feel that you are beautiful' which annoys me, as no one asks men to feel beautiful and it's not actually a tragedy to not think that you are. People take this attitude 'Isn't it so sad when women don't think they are beautiful?' but it's like, I don't think I'm beautiful and I am fine with that and I'm very happy in general!

But there's nothing wrong with looking after yourself and enjoying taking care of yourself OP and it sounds a little like you don't feel you deserve looking after/nice haircut/nice clothes etc but you do, so maybe just start with little steps to enjoy self-care some more.

I recently had a bit of a revelation where it occurred to me that I might not (ha!) be conventionally pretty but I do look like ME and you probably wouldn't confuse me with someone else in the street. It's true that I could stand to lose a couple of stone and get a decent haircut but I feel a lot better about my actual face now I've internally rebranded my nose as "distinctive".

This follows on from my realisation that I actually can't tell a lot of blonde Hollywood women apart because they've all had surgery to match the same beauty ideal. Thank god most of us don't have to do that for our careers.

Echobelly! I love your username. I expect great things from you!

I guess you are right that no one expects men to be beautiful.

Your face is going to change if you lose weight so don't go straight into Botox and I say this as someone the same age as you who does Botox. My face looks totally different depending on if I'm overweight.

You can take control today. You can have a fit healthy body you love, a wardrobe full of clothes that make you feel good and anything else.

I agree great teeth never go out of fashion. A whitening treatment could make you feel fantastic

Maybe you need to really address the core reasons for your chronic self esteem. I'm no beauty, that's for sure, but I scrub up ok.
I suspect your real problems are more than skin deep.

Oblomov; indeed I suffer from episodes of depression (they come and go).
When I’m fine, I’m fine. But at the moment, I can feel myself getting lower and lower.

I know how you feel. I'm definitely punching looks wise with my husband and my three children (one now adult) are stunning, think tall, slim, blonde hair green eyes. They turn heads wherever we go. Its odd being out alone with adult DS and getting all the looks and seeing girls fawning over him. Over the years I've had comments including, "how on earth did you manage to give birth to them!" I've got to the stage where I just don't care anymore. I'm proud of them all and they adore me. I've also kept DH happy for 23 years.

I've known "beautiful " people turn ugly when you get to know their personality and visa versa. Inner beauty is far more powerful, it's how people feel around you that will make you beautiful.