To be fed up being ugly

[Mammalamb]

I’ve never been good looking, and always been a bit ugly. But In the last few months it’s been really getting me down. I just see that most other women are attractive but I have a really ugly face, hideous hair and to top it off, I’m fat (size 16-18). I’ve got a lovely husband and son. A good job, and lots of friends. But I just don’t feel happy because I hate what I see in the mirror. I don’t have a massive amount of time to get ready in the the morning, so I look like a pile of poo when I get to work. I’m only 37 but look about 50!!

Awww OP, I bet you've got lots of redeeming features but you just can't see them.

I'm no looker but the thing is, I just don't care, we are what we are. I make the most of what I've got. I have regular hygienist appointments for my teeth, I work hard at styling my hair, I wear what suits me and I just try my best, without wasting valuable time on it! My very best friend is a stunner, super slim, gorgeous in what she wears, yet she really doesn't think she is. So I have the confidence without the beauty and I'd rather be me to be honest.

You must pick a feature of yours that is good and accentuate it, whether that's your eyes or your hair or your feet, painted toenails, pretty sandals etc.

Watching with interest as I feel the same. It's a sad fact so many people judge by appearances. Sorry you feel like this.

Are you me?! This is how I have become recently. I’m the same age as you and become more aware of it of late. Doesn’t help that I have a best friend who’s 7 years older than me who is slim, gorgeous, funny etc!! I feel your pain op I really do.

What’s the point in having nice feet if you’ve got an ugly face?
jeez, some of the advice on here.

Op: either do something about how you feel, plastic surgery, losing weight, etc, or stop looking in the mirror.
But I can tell you for nothing, 99% of people aren’t taking a blind bit of notice of you, because unless you look like shrek you just blend in with everyone else.

Ok so I'm going to sound contradictory here but firstly you are not ugly , no-one is ugly but we are so very conditioned to believe that beauty is a specific mould

It's not

Have a look at Bosiposipanda on Instagram (she is a little militant but if you ignore that her message is wonderful)

Now saying that

I truly believe we are all beautiful

But

I made a decision a few years ago that I wanted to feel so much better , I lost 6 stone and started to play with make up

I'd sort of always been told that smart women don't care about their appearance (bollocks) and mother's shouldn't waste time on frippery (also giant bollocks)

I felt good about myself for the first time in 30 odd years

So let yourself put the effort in, put yourself first for once ,

I've had a hell of a year and I admit I've put the weight back on and don't feel so good but I'm back on my feet and losing it again

But all through all kinds of hell I kept that belief that I was worth some time and it honestly kept me sane

I have less than no issue going out without makeup and in crap clothes if necessary but you know what 20 mins in the morning to put makeup on has become a ritual that made me feel better , it was my time to face a day that in the last year was filled with some horrors

Even after having a stroke I felt better when I could make an effort and get out of pyjamas and jeans ( even when I still walked with a stick and talked with a slur)

I guess what I'm saying is find a way to love yourself but if that also means putting some effort in...thats more than fine
You deserve to like yourself and to find your way that lets you do that

In the last year I've had a stroke , finalised a marriage breakup, nearly gone bankrupt, lost my company and had to start again and weirdly the lesson I learned just before it ( that it was ok to spend time on myself and that being comfortable made me a better mum and person) was what kept me sane

Good luck OP you are not ugly I promise you but it's more than ok to put yourself front and centre

I'm sure you're fine, you have confidence issues. But you know what, I used to model in my teens. I'm now an invisible 60 year old woman. Doesn't bother me. Point is though, that we all age and whether or not we were beautiful physically becomes an irrelevancy. Walk tall and be proud of being a nice person.

The thing is also. Very very few people think they're ridiculously stunning
We've all got our flaws.

This resonated with me a lot. I've never been the prettiest and I've never been the slimmest. I work in NYC and shopping here is tough with most places not carrying my size 12 or 14. DH loves me, I've got 3 great kiddies and I remind myself that looks fade anyway.

I do spend a lot of time and/or money on my hair, eyebrows and nails. I've joined weight watchers which has really helped me lose 20lbs. I've got another 20lbs to go. Being healthy is my #1 goal. My BiL passed away in Feb and older people in the family who haven't looked after themselves are all in very poor health once they turn 50.

What’s the point in having nice feet if you’ve got an ugly face?
jeez, some of the advice on here

Thanks for that not

It's all about confidence. I am trying to say you have to find a way to feel good about yourself because if you feel like shit, you'll look like shit. But if you can look after the good bits of yourself and slowly grow your confidence (maybe from the feet upwards?) it will pay dividends.

You’re not ugly OP. The fact you have a husband and son is testament to that. I’d guess you are feeling run down and fed up about something in your life and maybe it’s stopping you from seeing the best in yourself.

Last year I had a bit of a blip with DH plus a health scare and it made me start taking better care of myself. I’ve lost 2 stone in a year, had my hair done nicely and bought lots of new clothes and experimented with different styles. Sometimes I still look at my reflection and think “ugh. You’re so fat, “ but mostly I just feel energised and happier.

It’s been a revelation.

Take control OP and summon all your willpower to turn your current unhappiness around.

Ditto Gilead. I've been in a TV advert, I had long hair, a figure to die for, and a 'quirky' face. Now I'm an invisible woman in my sixties, but having nursed someone through cancer, lost someone in a car accident etc etc... I just make the best of myself and I'm grateful to be here and enjoying my family

OP, I just want to say that it is highly unlikely that you're ugly. I'm not sure I've met anyone so far in my life who I'd consider ugly. I've just racked my brain and I really can't think of a single one.

That probably doesn't help you feel much better though. So looking at practical things, do you wear makeup? Most people look better with some. If you do, what? What is your colouring, fair, dark?? Bold lipstick really lifts in the right shade.

I agree that decent teeth can really help too, but that's not exactly a quick or cheap thing to change, so I'd start with some low hanging fruit, so to speak. In addition to makeup, how about clothes? What is your current style? Are you happy with it?

Come on - tell us the things you like about yourself 💥

You got a hubby, and friend, you procreated, nothing bad with your genes, absolutely certain he is drop dead gorgeous your little one. In other words people don't see what you see. Now you want a makeover and you deserve one for maintaining all that crowd around you ! Please I beg you stop using such derogatory language about yourself. You're already pretty, shine ! All the comments I wanted to make are already there. Cheerleading ! By one outfit at a time, and I mean complete outfit, dress +shoes + accessories, take your time. get rid of ALL the rags, work out.

Hi @Mammalamb, beauty comes from within. If you look fifty now, you may only look sixty, when you are ninety.
Love yourself, and others will see your true beauty. 🌸

There are very very few people who are genetically blessed or cursed at the level of their bare bones. The rest is changeable. You can fix teeth, change hair, improve skin, lose weight etc.
We as human animals instinctively find things that suggest poor health or disease unattractive. That's overweight, bony, bad skin, pasty etc. All transient.
Attitude is also key but it won't come overnight. How you keep and present yourself says a lot too. Again, fixable.
For inspiration, have a look at rupaul's drag race. Ugly little men can turn themselves into stunners with some outfits, makeup and attitude.

Bottom line for me is - beauty isn’t cheap.

Dental work in the UK isn’t cheap. I have receding gums, (combination of menopause and genetics) so will probably end up with false ones anyway. Which does upset me. Things the dentist is recommending costs several hundred £s upwards.

I had hair extensions years ago as I have really fine hair and they did look good. But again, expensive and were ruining my real hair. Regular blow drys etc cost money. Eyebrows, nails etc. All cost if you get them done properly.

I’ve now become stuck in a rut of bothering to do very little because no good having nice hair if the rest of me looks crap! Or good eyebrows when my face is starting to look saggy! And so on. It’s sad. It doesn’t make me feel great. But I don’t have an infinite amount of money and there’s other things i’d rather spend it on.

The way I deal with it is to just look around me when i’m In a supermarket or on the tube. I realise then that i’m Not ugly, i’m average. And average is ok. Of course I would have loved to have been beautiful but I never have been and never will be!

Yes. If Cheryl Cole hadn't had her teeth fixed and was walking about three stone overweight with a frizzy bob she'd be completely different looking. See?

Op I feel your pain.

I am nearly 60 and look mid 70s.

I look like a male relative who used to joke his looks scared people.

Surprisingly true..

You can learn to do A LOT yourself to save money-

Eyebrow shaping and tinting

Eyelash tinting

Home manicure and pedicures

Tinkle razors (controversial I know) are great for exfoliation

Gentle teeth whitening at home

Very mild peels (ie boots no7 kit)

Clairol nice n easy is idiot proof and natural (get a decent cut though)

Work out what "season" you are colourwise and what xitabof clothing suit you - buy good quality clothing rather than cheap trash (eBay is great)

Low fat high fibre diet, walking as much as possible and drinking water

A small amount of Botox every 6m can work wonders and needn't cost the earth (again controversial I know... but in my experience if there is one area that really bothers you, it can really help).

Not using too many products or too much heat on hair - great cut and 1-2 good products used right is much better. Root volume can work wonders.

A few decent make up products (natural looks better as you get older) will do you a lot more favours than a make up bag full of cheap tat in the wrong colours.

Gradual tanners are great for making you feel more body confident (ime) and are v cheap.
...

Put yourself first and take time to think about how to properly care for yourself And enhance your attributes.

If you feel ugly (although i would bet a pound to a penny that you are NOT ugly), then make some changes. Lose a bit of weight. Carve out a bit of "me time" in your day, and make the changes you'd like to see. Try re-vamping your make-up, buy a new top in a really flattering colour.

I was the same a few years back. Felt ugly, and frumpy, and invisible. I lost a fair bit of weight (from 18-20 to 14-16), and stopped wearing baggy clothes, in favour of rather more fitted stuff. I bought some pretty matching underwear, and i ditched my boring humble brown lipstick in favour of siren red. It didnt turn me into a sex goddess overnight, but it gave me a shedload more confidence and the people i worked with and met were more interested in me because i was confident and happy, which made me fel more attractrive, which made me feel more confident...a virtuous circle, if you will. I'm still quite lardy, i'd like to have plastic surgery on my boobs and my flabby tum, and i look like Fat Gollum without my makeup on - but i am still happy and confident in myself, and that makes all the difference. You can make those changes if you dare.

As a teen I thought that I was plain, fat and boring. When I look back at photographs of myself, I really wasn't. I was gorgeous and slim (no idea about the boring bit, but I seemed to have plenty of friends).

When I was a size 16 with frizzy hair, tired eyes and a double chin I hated the way I looked. Now I look at those photos and think I look cute, a happy, but tired mother with her children.

I've realised that how I see myself, doesn't always actually tell me the truth about how I really look.

I've also noticed that when I focus on my 'faults' - big nose, lines, weak chin, sloping shoulders, my god, they really come into focus and I don't see my smile, the colour of my eyes, the way my face does really fit together.

If you looked at yourself with loving eyes, I bet you'd see a different person x

I think that some grooming would help, but getting time is a struggle. I do try my best, but it would be lovely to just put my hair in a pony tail and look “ok”. My husband does say that I’m beautiful, but as he loves me, he’s biased. I think losing a few stone would help a lot tbh, but all I want to do is eat! But, the diet really needs to start soon. Another thing is that im in pain a lot from stomach problems, the pain makes me look grumpy, which is not an attractive look! Thanks for all the positive responses from many of you, and all of the suggestions!