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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Confused on when to leave children alone

73 replies

LovelyBath77 · 21/07/2018 16:17

My friend and I have children the same age (9 and 13) I was a little Shock as she mentioned how nice it was now her and her DH could go out for dinner and leave them home alone, and also how the childrenw would walk together into the town to the shops etc.

I wondered if maybe I was being a little anxious. My eldest goes off to school on the bus, into town etc but not the youngest. So I checked online and it said this www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone which seems to say under 12s shouldn't be left for long.

I would leave mine bother together to pop out to the shop for example but not for long. Any ideas on this and what you do around this age? Am I just being a but U?

OP posts:
anotherangel2 · 21/07/2018 16:18

But the 9 year old is not been left on their own.

KingLooieCatz · 21/07/2018 16:19

9 and 13 I'd say okay to pop to a local shop, really wouldn't say okay to go out for dinner. Going to shops dodgy ground I'd say. especially as scope for the two to get separated, whether by accident or having a row, and then a 9 year old is by themselves.

BottleOfJameson · 21/07/2018 16:20

I think it depends massively on the kids. I wouldn't leave a 13 year old in charge of a 9 year old for long personally as I think it's too much responsibility for the 13 year old but it does depend a lot on the kids. Do they get on? Is he a mature 9 year old? Will he do what his older brother says?

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 21/07/2018 16:21

I thought the same, I think hers are two very sensible ones though, but still it is very busy here as well. Mine did go look for a geocache locally by themselves and managed Ok but very local and once went to the local shop together, but I feel it is a bit unfair on the older one really.

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PurpleMac · 21/07/2018 16:22

Depends on the dynamic between the children. I was babysitting my cousins when I was 13 and they were all under 6, for entire evenings whilst their parents went out for dinner. As long as the younger one understands and respects that the older one is in charge I don't think it's a problem.

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 21/07/2018 16:23

In a few years say at 12 and 16 would be different I think, changes a lot when they reach end of primary age.

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Ohyesiam · 21/07/2018 16:24

We went out last night leaving our 11 and 14 year olds. When we got back 11 year old burst into tearsShock. It was bad judgement, as he was sad to have left his primary yesterday.
Felt terrible.

AjasLipstick · 21/07/2018 16:24

Mine are 13 and 10 and they certainly go to the shops alone! They also walk to school alone and I go out for shopping and leave them.

Wouldn't go for dinner though. Mainly because they always want to come too!

I think you need to let your older one go to the shops alone and catch a bus and basic stuff like that...doesn't your elder child want to meet friends in town etc?

ghostyslovesheets · 21/07/2018 16:26

I leave my 9 almost 10 year old with her 14 year old sister for 2 hours max - with her almost 16 year old sister I'd be fine for an evening or a day

I wouldn't leave a 9 year old with a 13 year old for a long period of time BUT that's me - your friends 13 year old may be super responsible and sensible - they are all different

RoadToRivendell · 21/07/2018 16:27

It depends on the kids, but I would go for an earlyish/local dinner & leave a 13 year old in charge (and indeed, did just this when I had children of this age).

If the 13 year old has form for bad judgement, then no.

implantsandaDyson · 21/07/2018 16:27

My 13 and 10 year old have walked to the shops, went to the cinema and went to the swimmers and on for something to eat themselves.

I have a 7 year old as well and would leave the older two if I was taking her to a party/shopping/cinema/ park/sports club.

I leave my 10 year old alone in the house for about 90 mins if the older one is out.

upsideup · 21/07/2018 16:28

I would leave my 11 on her own or with 9 year old ds for an hour or so and they're allowed to go into town together. I don't leave the nine year old on his own because he would rather come with me but if there was an emergency I would and I wouldnt be worried about it.
Theres no rules, the under 12 is only a guideline, it depends on your kids.

gabsdot · 21/07/2018 16:30

Mine are 14 and 10 and I would have left them by themselves during the day for the past couple of years and in the past 6 months we've left them in the evenings.
My brother and Sil started leaving their 4 kids alone in the evenings when they oldest was 11. I thought that was too young.

upsideup · 21/07/2018 16:33

In a few years say at 12 and 16 would be different I think

You think!? 16 year olds can live on their own with their own child and you only think they might be okay to be in the same house a 12 year who is hopefully already capable of looking after themselves for a few hours while their parents have dinner?

FATEdestiny · 21/07/2018 16:36

I think you can get a babysitting job at 13 years old?

Bambamber · 21/07/2018 16:39

Kids as young as 13 have babies of their own so I don't think the age alone is a good indicator

Trampire · 21/07/2018 16:42

Me and Dh have left our two (13 and 11) to go to a comedy gig in town.

They're been alone 7.00pm to 10.30pm on a Friday.

I order them a pizza, wait for it to arrive. Lock the door (they have their own keys) and we go. We've done it twice. No problems at all. They both have mobiles, know our neighbours and know how to dial for emergencies.
We talk in the interval.

I started leaving them at home to pop to the shops when they were 12 and 10.

Eldest gets a bus home from school and walks a fair distance most days. Youngest will be joining her in Sept.

It works for us. Sone people might think us completely irresponsible but my dcs are quite mature and it's always commented on that they're responsible and reliable.

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 21/07/2018 16:47

Wewll, what i was meaning was that the youngest would be 12 and therefore old enough to be left as well as the older one, as in the advice online? Don;t think that is so absurd. Hmm

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Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 21/07/2018 16:48

Excuse typos

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Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 21/07/2018 16:48

And yes of course as I mentioned the elder goes out etc just not with the younger one

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Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 21/07/2018 16:49

Mine are also sensible and mature but still not sure.

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Summersup · 21/07/2018 16:52

The guidance is about under 12's being left alone, but in this situation, the 9 year old isn't being left alone, but with a 13 year old.

Teen babysitters wouldn't exist, would they if the youngest child left had to be 12!

I think it's up to the child as well, my youngest at 9 preferred to come with me or not be left alone, now she's 12 it's fine so many mature in this time. I think leaving them at 14 and 10 for a couple of hours is more than ok, if they have mobiles and you are contactable.

Notso · 21/07/2018 16:52

I wouldn't leave my 13 year old with my 6 and 7 year old for longer than an hour. DH doesn't like leaving them together at all unless our 18 year old is there too.
I feel bad leaving the 13 yo on his own for long periods but my sister and Mum think I'm being over the top.

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 21/07/2018 16:53

Yes but a 12 year old is not a responsible adult

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Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 21/07/2018 16:54

I don't think it's fair on a 12 / 13 year old either.

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