Confused on when to leave children alone

[LovelyBath77]

My friend and I have children the same age (9 and 13) I was a little as she mentioned how nice it was now her and her DH could go out for dinner and leave them home alone, and also how the childrenw would walk together into the town to the shops etc.

I wondered if maybe I was being a little anxious. My eldest goes off to school on the bus, into town etc but not the youngest. So I checked online and it said this www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone which seems to say under 12s shouldn't be left for long.

I would leave mine bother together to pop out to the shop for example but not for long. Any ideas on this and what you do around this age? Am I just being a but U?

My daughters babysat from 15 along the same street as we live - any problems and I could have popped along, though there was never a need. My eldest was Captain Sensible and her younger sister very amenable to listening to her so I had no qualms about leaving them to go to dinner locally, from about the eldest being age 13 , probably younger so beginning of secondary. We don't have open fires or any other risky items. They could go individually to the very local parade of shops from maybe 9, moving on to the local high street, then into the next town by secondary.

I think it very much depends on the children concerned - it wouldn’t be fair to impose a defiant or argumentative younger sibling on an anxious older one nor a nervous younger one on a careless and resentful older one.

Mine were very well drilled and practiced in road crossing and using public transport as well as personal safety and awareness but children do also need to practice independence and making their own decisions.

Well my 2 are 10 and 8. The older one has just started walking home from school her own sometimes. She is allowed to stay at home for a very short time (15 mins) and I think that is the right for her age. She wants to walk to local shop but it's further than I'm comfortable with and across a busy road so I've said not yet. In a year she will probably travelling to secondary school by bus 8 miles away. I think she will be able to travel home and stay at home for an an hour an half or so after school. I think most families do this and it seems to be the right state of progress. I wouldn't leave the 8 year old alone yet but quite a few do walk home alone from school.

No it says there is no legal age for a child to babysit. You’ve misquoted the article. The advice is that parents are still legally responsible for their child if the babysitter is under 16.

""However, parents commit an offence if leaving the child at home alone puts him or her at risk.""

That is often the criteria that the Police/SS use to decide if action should be taken. That and the reason why the child was left/used as a Babysitter.

My DD could be left at 12, with her equally sensible friend, minding my 10 year old. My Mum lived minuets away and I had really good Neighbours, which makes a difference.

My DD was working in a Nursery, on day and a half, release from School at 14 and was doing private Babysitting from that age.

When I was growing up in the 70's, a group of us would be left in the 'care' of two Teenage Sisters, both still in school. As said, young Women could live on their own with their Babies, at 16, up until recently. My Mum's generation went to work at 14 and ran the household when their Mother was unavailable.

So there should be leeway for discretion.

However I disagree with the opinion often given on here that toddlers can be left sleeping in Cars, whilst school pick-up is done, or in bed whilst the Mum goes to a local shop.

My 13 year old is more responsible then most 18 year olds

I pay mine a wage for babysitting

Google or Youtube Japanese kids and it will tell how they get themselves to school from 6 or 7 years old. The one I watched, the child changed trains a few times and it took 40 minutes for him to get himself to school. The mum was saying that their school insisted on children doing this independently. It is a cultural thing - different social rules for different countries. I was left alone from age 6 but people allowed their kids a lot more freedom in past generations.

I used to get paid to babysit for children of my parents’ friends from the age of 13. They were generally already in bed asleep when I arrived so not a lot required other than sitting and watching TV. I was pretty reliable and sensible at that age. I suppose the sibling dynamic could be more of a problem if younger one likely to not listen to older one or if they wound each other up, but if both sensible, i’d think it okay.

It will always depend on the kids. Not just how sensible they are and what they can do,but what they're used to as well. There are no blanket rules.

Some kids can never be left alone.
Some are fine.
Some kids are fine on their own but not with a sibling.
Some kids are fine for 10-15 mins while you're down the road,but might need extra time and an adjustment period for half the night and so on..

Op, anything can happen with you standing next to them. There are horror stories out there about kids kidnaped from their bedrooms while parents were sleeping in the next room. You can read about houses burning down with whole families inside, dogs mauling kids, car accidents and chockings under the parents’ eyes.
Not trying to convince you of anything, but yabu to judge people who make different (and resonable) decisions than you.
It was very, very hard for me to let go, especially with my first. I made sure he knew the rules, had phone numbers and neighbours available, checked if he followed the rules by coming home earlier than he expected me...
I understand the fear. When it’s hard to let go I check if the new freedom is age appropriate, if the kid is ready and willing to take it on, and then I remind myself it’s for their own good.
I recommend “Free-range Kids” by Lenore Skenazy. It was a good reminder for me of what kids were capable of doing a generation ago and put things in perspective.

I used to babysit from the age of 13 and that was in the days of no mobile phones, and not everyone even had house phones! Nothing bad ever happened but, if it had, I would have taken the child I was babysitting to the nearest neighbour and asked for help. Nowadays it is a as simple as a quick phone call. A pp is right about Japan. Kids there are super independent. As well as going to school alone, they would also be left alone at 5 while mum goes shopping or whatever. I do think that is a bit young! But the ages you describe, as long as they are sensible, is fine. It’s detrimental to wrap kids up in cotton wool.

Google the death rate of 7-9 years old in Japan, it isn't something we should aspire to. The death and injury rate going to and from school among 7 years old, wouldn't be and shouldn't be acceptable in the UK.

@birdsgottafly, what source are you using? CNN has Japan as one of the best countries for child mortality, albeit to age 19. The UK does rather badly in comparison. edition.cnn.com/2018/01/08/health/child-mortality-rates-by-country-study-intl/

We waited until eldest was 16 and younger ones 14. I was a bit twitchy even then, but eldest is now 18 and we left her home alone for a week last week to go on holiday, so things change. We texted several times a day though.

What would people think of a 16 year old picking up 5 year old sibling from school and walking 300m home and staying with them until 5pm? .. looking at this scenario in a couple of years and wondering if it's reasonable 🤔

I started leaving my 10yo alone for short periods and building up to 2hrs when I took the littles to the park or went on an errand. He’s off to middle school next year and needs to be able to get to and from school if I’m not there (ready and to/from the bus really), there aren’t any after school programs for his grade upwards. He had to get comfortable with it. I’ve left his 7yo bro with him a few times but only if it’s a short half hour run, nothing longer.

bichon. I wouldn’t have a problem with that at all

I've left 8 and 10yo together for 15 mins while collecting younger sibling from nursery. 10yo is happy to stay up to 2 hours or so alone in the day, with a phone call or two to check in midway. There are plenty of near neighbours to call on in emergency.

The law mentioning its illegal to leave them if it places a child 'at risk' seems ludicrous. We are all 'at risk' all the time. I am lying on the sofa right now but there is 'a risk' that I might fall off and crack my head on the carpeted floor, stupider accidents have happened I'm sure. Of course every child is exposed to risk if they are left alone, how could it be otherwise . Doesn't mean you shouldn't do it though, without exposure to managed risk kids would never grow up!

Herroyalnotness it seems like we are on the same page re our 10yos

What would people think of a 16 year old picking up 5 year old sibling from school and walking 300m home and staying with them until 5pm? .. looking at this scenario in a couple of years and wondering if it's reasonable 🤔

my sister lived alone at 16 with a baby. its fine.

abit at the poster who has just trusted leaving their 18 year old for a week!

However, parents commit an offence if leaving the child at home alone puts him or her at risk

puts him or her at risk seems compleley subjective to me. I think any judgement will say more about the prejudices, biases or general anxiety level of the assessor than it does about the objective reality.

It is always possible to imagine something bad that could happen, regardless of whether or not a parent is with a child. So if someone happens to examine a situation, it is always going to be possible to say a child was put at risk.

So what I interpret the law as saying is that you can do what you like, but if you come to the laws attention, a random opinion generator will determine your guilt. (But probably one that biased towards excessive safety, as no official is going to be criticised for not being lax enough.)

I left my 14 and 11 year old together today for 2 hours whilst I popped into town. Took my 8yo with me. They are fairly sensible and unlikely to move from in front of their computers, plus have dad/auntie 2 minutes away.

I don't think there are any foolproof rules, we all wing it and obviously some random event could always occur.

Firesuit I think you are right. We just cross our fingers and hope there is no reason for coming to the attention of an over-cautious busybody. Interestingly my mil, who i would normally class as dangerously lax about safety (think not covering a pond up and saying that our 2yo would 'just have to learn to stay away from it') was aghast that I'd left our ten yo alone 'its illegal under 12 you know'. Most people's risk antennae are ridiculously, dangerously irrational.

As for leaving an 18yo alone for a week for the first time - by 18 I was half way around the world, living by myself, for 12 entire months We do our kids such a disservice by underestimating their capabilities.