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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is shit

58 replies

callywags · 18/07/2018 02:59

Hi,

So I have just returned to work after 20 weeks Mat leave.
The first day I was back, one of my male colleagues decided to tell me that I was a bad mum and shouldn't I be at home with my kids, why was I back to work. My new baby is our third and final baby, I didn't get to take any longer off, because quite frankly I have a good paying job and we both need to be working.

My husband does days and I have evening/night shifts, we make it work between us and are lucky enough that we don't need to pay for childcare.
Then last night a well know "mummy blogger" was at my work and she had a baby recently and we were talking and I mentioned about my LO and she asked me "what are you doing here, if you have just had a baby?"

Shit the guilt trips are being laid on left, right and centre.
AIBU to think that dad's returning to work don't get asked these questions 😔

OP posts:
Monty27 · 18/07/2018 03:02

No! That's discrimination and bullying Shock
You stay as you are and put these people in their places Angry

rainbowfudgee · 18/07/2018 03:03

How rude. Even if your baby was at nursery or with a childminder he/ she would be cared for - being with dad whilst you work is a good option. People should keep thoughts like this to themselves. It's hard enough returning to work without idiots being horrible.
Hope you are ok OP.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/07/2018 03:05

Tell that colleague to go fuck himself and then report him for harassment. Tell that sanctimonious cunt to do the same.

Original poster
callywags · 18/07/2018 03:08

Thanks guys

I felt so shit about it the last few days and had a good cry, but I am providing for my family just like everyone else, I just want to look after my family, it's just such flippant remarks that people make, I miss my kids when I am working but I get to have tea/dinner with them so DH does bedtime and it works for us.

OP posts:
ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 18/07/2018 03:10

Tell them your baby is with her dad/grandparents/child minder etc...and ask them.what business it is of theirs....don't feel guilty, you are doing the best for your baby by doing what is right for your own family circumstances which is to go out and earn a wage so you have money to.give your baby all that she needs...if they keep bothering you, just report them, don't let them make you feel bad, plenty of woman all across the planet return to work after having a baby, these people must live in the dark ages if they can't see that it's OK for mums to work and earn

MUjunkie · 18/07/2018 03:11

You shouldn't be made to feel like that...tell them to piss off and mind their own business! Mums always feel guilty about something...It's how we are! But colleagues shouldn't make you feel bad, you are doing the best you can for your kids! X

IsBrexitOverYet · 18/07/2018 03:13

People are dicks. You’re doing great.
Our situation is much like yours - we both work in the NHS and I will work 7pm-7am 3 nights a week, and DP will work 745-4 2 days and 715-1 3 days so will actually have to bring future DCs to the hospital we work at with him in the morning, as our workplace 20 miles away.
We can not afford to take a year off or be SAHPS

CloudAtlas81 · 18/07/2018 04:15

Oh Op - I had this too. My husband and I shared the leave. We work in the same organisation and when I returned he would bring her in for a breastfeed in the middle of the day. Consequently lots of people on reception saw her.

Questions I was asked:
'Ohh, how can you leave her,'
'It's such a shame you have to work, isn't it?'
'It must be so hard for you seeing him having all the special time'
'So good of him to bring her in so she doesn't miss mummy too much!'

Twits the lot of them. I got the first question a lot. It stopped when I started answering with 'well, clearly my heart of stone helps!' Which wasn't the most mature response!

You are doing the right thing for your family and you - x

WilyMinx · 18/07/2018 04:30

I think you have the perfect set up - don't feel guilty! Kids get to spend time with both parents and you have two incomes.

I live in a country where most mums work full-time and hire a live-in nanny. I didn't return to work until my son turned 2.5 and got loads of flak for that.

Cherubfish · 18/07/2018 04:57

You are doing the right thing OP. Ignore these idiots.

Slartybartfast · 18/07/2018 05:51

you are just keeping a roof over your head op.

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 18/07/2018 06:01
Shock And they care about your choices because....Hmm I'm gobsmacked at their rudeness OP!
JennyBlueWren · 18/07/2018 06:50

Would you name and shame the blogger as if it's one I follow I will unfollow!

DD will be 22 weeks when I return to work. DH is a SAHD. When people question me I point out that I get 3 months mat pay + hols and that this is a long time to have 2parents at home compared to paternity leave!

Canwejustrelaxnow · 18/07/2018 06:54

Yeah, who's the blogger? Write her a message.

thecatsarecrazy · 18/07/2018 07:51

Just tell them to fuck off. Mummy blogger indeed, is that one of the ohh im a mummy who gets driven to gin sorts Hmm. My husband has been studying from home and looking after our youngest while I've been out working 4 days. It works for us.

LivLemler · 18/07/2018 07:54

Honestly, I'd be tempted to go to HR over the colleague, and that's not usually my way at all. Completely unacceptable behaviour in the workplace, and like you say, no way he'd say the same to a man in your shoes.

londonloves · 18/07/2018 07:57

This stuff makes me spit. Imagine if it was the other way round and your partner had us 20 weeks off then going back and care shared between you. He'd be a fucking hero. I went back two days a week after four months, my mum looks after my son. My mother in law asked me why I wanted to get away from him. Unforgivable.
I think you should complain to HR about your colleague and name and shame the "mummy blogger". Vom.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/07/2018 08:01

What a knob your colleague is and the blogger.

What did you say back? " Fuck you " would have sufficed.

Original poster
callywags · 18/07/2018 08:05

You guys are all awesome! Thank you so much for sharing your parental choices with me!

Yeah don't think I will name and shame, will only bring me down to their level, just shocked as she is usually very vocal about pro choice when it comes to parents/work life balance.
Thank you all so much x

OP posts:
Original poster
callywags · 18/07/2018 08:07

I just looked at her @GreatDuckCookery TBH I was too shocked to say anything, although I have plenty of responses now 😂

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/07/2018 08:10

What did you say to the colleague?

gorgeoushazydaysofsummer · 18/07/2018 08:21

None of their bloody business! Sounds like you and your husband have it sorted. And congrats on your baby!

What did you say to nosy colleague?? Does he have dc? Bet he wouldn't have asked the same of a man, the prehistoric dickhead.

diddl · 18/07/2018 08:24

Hang on, you're a woman returning to work full time after having a baby.

And already 2 people have mentioned it as if it's unusual?

WTF?

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 18/07/2018 08:31

They are both idiots, after all why do most people go to work, because they need to earn a living, if he had any intelligence he would realise that and telling you that you are a bad Mum is just rude, it his none of his business. As for the "mummy blogger" ugh - most of them are thick as shit. Take no notice - just smile and wave, smile and wave. Fuck them.

greendale17 · 18/07/2018 08:34

It can be considered unusual in certain circles or workplaces. Personally I don’t know anyone who returned to work that soon.

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