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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Be Slightly Jealous - DP & ExW

65 replies

SlowlyMeltingInATent · 25/06/2018 18:36

DP has been divorced for 4 years.
They have 2 DSs 20 & 18.

ExW has recently got a new DP.

Firstly DP made enquiries with a friend of his who works in the same field as the new DP to find out what he was like , career prospects etc.

He then checked every social media site trying to find out about him.

Last week he bumped into him for the first time & gave him a ‘talk’ about looking after his family.

I know he’s being protective so not sure why I feel a bit green eyed

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 25/06/2018 18:37

He'll be protective of his kids, surely.

LongSummerDays · 25/06/2018 18:40

His DS's are adults at 18 and 20. Wonder what his exW thought about him stalking her partner on social media and then giving him a talk? Hmm

ivykaty44 · 25/06/2018 18:40

He’s being territorial over his ex wife...

Not like his sons are children, they are grown up

I’d not be impressed with that type of attitude

NewYearNewMe18 · 25/06/2018 18:41

Sorry Op - your DP is marking his territory, like cat does. He's letting another bloke know he's been there first. And frankly, it's very belittling towards his Ex.

Nicknacky · 25/06/2018 18:43

Fucking hell, that's not normal.

I think I would be feeling a bit more than green eyed, how long have you been with him?

Mari50 · 25/06/2018 18:44

Very weird behaviour.
If my ex did this I’d be really pissed off. And our child is a lot younger. When my ex met someone else I certainly didn’t track her down, ‘bump’ into her and give her a talk about looking after my dd
Protective my arse.
Can you imagine this from his ex wife’s point of view as an AIBU?

Olddear · 25/06/2018 18:45

I wouldn’t call it ‘being protective’ controlling maybe......

TragicBoozyFlaccidClown · 25/06/2018 18:46

Wow that’s odd, your dp sees his ex and their children as his property.
I’d be re thinking a future with him

Justmuddlingalong · 25/06/2018 18:47

How long have you two been together?

Original poster
SlowlyMeltingInATent · 25/06/2018 18:48

Thanks for the replies.

We’ve been together 18 months.
I’ve been stewing about for days & realise he is very much out of order.

OP posts:
MarmaladeIsMyJam · 25/06/2018 18:49

Your DP is a fucking weirdo.

His kids are adults, they done need looking after.

C0untDucku1a · 25/06/2018 18:49

Agree he sounds controlling.

Nicknacky · 25/06/2018 18:50

Did he tell you he has done all this stalking?

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/06/2018 18:51

That’s a bit weird OP. Don’t blame you for feeling icky or odd about it. My DSC are primary age and when ex got a boyfriend DHs only interest was that he was kind to the DC but he didn’t ask them anything about him, Facebook or other site search him. Why would he? He trusts his ex to choose a partner (the guy turned out to be a waste of space and they split after a year but he was always nice to the kids) and it’s her life. The DC being younger are much more dependent than yours but it’s still up to her what goes on in her home and her relationships. I have no idea if she googled me but that’s her business, I doubt you’d find much, and I’m DHs business, not hers. Yes I’m always nice to the kids Grin

It is territory marking as a PP says. Do the DC live with her? They’re all adults, he needs to back off and leave her to it. He’s acting like her father not her ex! Career prospects? Has he also asked what the man’s parents do?

Whocansay · 25/06/2018 18:51

So out of order. Not normal behaviour. He had no right to do that at all.

Sorry OP. This doesn't bode well for you.

Rachie1973 · 25/06/2018 18:53

Your DP is a prat. If his kids were 4 & 6 he'd have a point.

Original poster
SlowlyMeltingInATent · 25/06/2018 18:53

At first he said I’m going to make enquiries etc & I said ‘ why on earth would you do that. You need to respect Ex’s new life’

It seems he didn’t listen to me

OP posts:
KeepServingTheDrinks · 25/06/2018 18:53

at best, it sounds like he's still very emotionally invested in his ex.

Nicknacky · 25/06/2018 18:56

I understand a bit of social media nosiness, I think most of us are guilty of that! But altogether doesn’t sound great or that he is over her.

funinthesun18 · 25/06/2018 18:59

I’d be telling him to get lost if he’s still carrying a torch for his ex.
She does not need his blessings or protection and I would be very unhappy with his over investment in her life.

happypoobum · 25/06/2018 19:04

Yeah I would probably do some SM stalking to check them out. And that would be the end of it.

Making a point of asking around and then telling the bloke to look after his family is really weird on two levels.

  1. XW has been seeing this bloke for five minutes yes, so it's a bit premature?
  1. "Looking after his family" clearly relates to the XW as I can't imagine new DP has much to do with the DS's?

Have you ever had cause to think he is over invested before?

pictish · 25/06/2018 19:06

He’s simply asserting his stamp of ownership over his ex w and possibly kids. “I was there before you, make no mistake about that.”

I wouldn’t be happy.

Ryder63 · 25/06/2018 19:07

He sounds like a stern Victorian father! it's weird. As pps have said, his DC are adults and don't need looking after. Way too invested in his ex wife's life.

redshoeblueshoe · 25/06/2018 19:08

I don't understand why you would be jealous. Annoyed yes, behaving like a stalker creepy.

NotTakenUsername · 25/06/2018 19:10

He sounds like a prick and it sounds like he was doing a bit of cock measuring.