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AIBU?

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Original poster

To Be Slightly Jealous - DP & ExW

65 replies

SlowlyMeltingInATent · 25/06/2018 18:36

DP has been divorced for 4 years.
They have 2 DSs 20 & 18.

ExW has recently got a new DP.

Firstly DP made enquiries with a friend of his who works in the same field as the new DP to find out what he was like , career prospects etc.

He then checked every social media site trying to find out about him.

Last week he bumped into him for the first time & gave him a ‘talk’ about looking after his family.

I know he’s being protective so not sure why I feel a bit green eyed

OP posts:
WerkSupp · 25/06/2018 19:11

If I were his ExW I'd have gone spare at your creepy, stalker partner. WTAF? His kids are adults, he is bang out of order to have stalked his ex's partner and given him a talk. I hope her partner told him to stop harassing him. Bollocks it was about protecting his kids.

Original poster
SlowlyMeltingInATent · 25/06/2018 19:13

His exact words ‘talking to him about looking after my family ‘ - that’s the bit that tipped me as to me it implied he is still invested in his Ex.

OP posts:
WerkSupp · 25/06/2018 19:15

He's a controlling, creepy, stalky whazzock with an attitude problem, there's nothing to be jealous of. Sounds like his ex is well rid of him.

Nicknacky · 25/06/2018 19:17

I would understand if he would be looking after young kids or involved in their upbringing but all he is doing is dating a woman with adult offspring. No need for the friendly warning!

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/06/2018 19:17

I really wouldn’t be jealous because it doesn’t mean he cares more about her than you. But he really needs to wind his neck in. It doesn’t matter what this man is like, she’s an independent woman who will look after herself and their children are adults and don’t need “looking after” by mum’s new bf. It’s weird and cringeworthy.

I’m assuming this is her first relationship since they split. Is he planning to scare all her suitors off by stomping his feet? How close are they normally? He’s making himself look like an idiot, which you can absolutely tell him. But he seems hell bent on throwing his weight around and he must know they’ll all be having a pitying laugh at his expense.

It really isn’t a reflection on you though, don’t take it to heart.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 25/06/2018 19:20

I wouldn't be jealous, I'd be downright disturbed. What a creep.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/06/2018 19:23

I’m still not sure about that nick. When DH was in this situation with much younger children he knew that he had to trust her about the people she let into the DCs life and he had no place playing the big man and trying to intimidate anyone.

Even with younger DC there’s no way to know how big a part the new person will play in their lives. In our case, he couldn’t have been less interested in any sort of patenting and was like a big kid who bought them sweets and watched tv with them while she carried on doing everything her end as before. Not how we do things but entirely her choice. If DH had tracked him down and lectured him about how to look after his family the guy would probably have laughed as that wasn’t the idea at all. The point is it’s her house, her time with the DC and her choice. Not DHs place to get involved. Likewise, how we run our lives is our business.

abilockhart · 25/06/2018 19:27

SlowlyMeltingInATent
You are seeing a controlling creep and the bit that tipped you is that he is still emotionally invested in his ExW?

Being slightly jealous of his ExW should be the least of your worries.

Hogtini · 25/06/2018 19:29

I'd tell him to mind his nose! Did his ExW approach you to give you the same chat? Nah thought not. YANBU

AmazingPostVoices · 25/06/2018 19:29

When he told you what he was doing I bet he was proud if his behaviour too..

Is he the kind of arsehole that talks about meeting his dayghter’s Boyfriends with a shotgun too?

His ex-wife and his adult children are not his property but that’s how he is behaving.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 25/06/2018 19:32

My DM does this. They divorced 10 years ago and she's been with her DP for 9 years. My DF didn't really have any partners however he's recently got a GF and she can't stop asking questions about her.

My siblings and I are all over the age of 25 but I keep on getting questions like 'is she blonde? is she pretty?' etc

It's weird and it annoys me.

ItsNachoCheese · 25/06/2018 19:33

Your dp doing that makes him a bit batshit. Id understand maybe if they were school aged but at 18 and 20 they are adults in their own right and can do as they please

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 25/06/2018 19:40

You say you're a bit jealous. Why is that? Just wondering if it's because he doesn't seem to show the same sort of concern for you. In which case maybe there's more to how you're feeling than just 'it's weird'.

sludgie · 25/06/2018 19:46

cats not liking others on their patch. Simple. He obviously feels threatened, or usurped in some way, is he hugely patriarchal?

AynRandTheObjectivist · 25/06/2018 19:55

He should just go and piss on her and have done with it.

Original poster
SlowlyMeltingInATent · 25/06/2018 19:57

He is definitely ‘head of the household’ type.

When I wrote the heading I pondered on ‘jealous ‘ as I’m not sure that’s how I’m feeling IYSWIM?

I haven’t seen him since the bumping into the DP incident as he has been away. He is due home tonight so I’ll be interested to see if he brings it up.
It feels like the new DP is consuming him.

Just prior to him telling me what happened I sent him a very important message regarding something that is going on in my life which he didn’t even acknowledge Confused.
It seems to he was too busy beating his chest

OP posts:
WerkSupp · 25/06/2018 20:00

He's not a head of household type. He's a controlling, stalky wanker with an ego the size of Mt Everest whose still trying to control his ex's life but it was perfectly fine for him to move on. She had a lucky escape. His controlling behaviour probably made her life hell for years. Bollocks he bumped into her boyfriend, either, he stalked the man. That is disturbing as all fuck.

PrettyLovely · 25/06/2018 20:16

Thats not normal, I would leave him to it.

sludgie · 25/06/2018 20:23

Looks like ex-p is living her best life now, imagine the howling laughter about the look after my kids (who are grown adults talk). Get rid OP. You deserve better.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 25/06/2018 21:10

He is definitely ‘head of the household’ type.

Dickhead of the household, I think you mean.

And when it's not even your household and hasn't been for years, you're just a dick.

HollyGibney · 25/06/2018 21:18

Last week he bumped into him for the first time & gave him a ‘talk’ about looking after his family.

what an idiot!

Original poster
SlowlyMeltingInATent · 25/06/2018 23:36

DP is Home now & mentioned the meeting.

It happens that DP was dropping something off at the house (he was) & intending on leaving said stuff outside.

Whilst he was sat on his car , across the road, new DP ‘noticed’ him & came out. DP said he could see someone strange in the house as you can see through to the garden.

All sounds like fucking bullshit to me. DP says ExW is & always be his friend so he is naturally looking out for her

OP posts:
AmazingPostVoices · 25/06/2018 23:44

Whilst he was sat on his car , across the road, new DP ‘noticed’ him & came out. DP said he could see someone strange in the house as you can see through to the garden.

How long was he sitting there (spying) for the new to be able to notice him and come out? Confused

That doesn’t sound like a credible story to me.

HollowTalk · 25/06/2018 23:45

I couldn't be doing with that. It's only natural to be interested, but he is trying to control his ex and their children.

You do realise what'll happen if you leave, don't you? I'd leave now, while his eye is on them.

redshoeblueshoe · 25/06/2018 23:48

You know your update makes him sound 100x worse.
The hills are that way ---->

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