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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by DH's comment?

73 replies

Eden80 · 20/06/2018 16:13

Okay so I am currently 11 weeks pregnant with baby number 3. I have a 7 and 2 year old. I have been exhausted and had pretty much constant nausea and felt absolutely awful since week 6. The other day my husband (who has been doing most of the housework and cooking) commented that this was unreasonable and I needed to do more it was ridiculous he was doing this much. I have washed up, done some cooking and still do all the primary care for the children, baths, dressing etc and two year old is still breastfeeding doing night feeds. I am also still doing shopping and I am working three days a week. I feel like he has no clue how tired pregnancy makes women and how days are spent just battling sickness and trying to do what you can when you can.

Am I over reacting? Is it the hormones?

OP posts:
Username8634721 · 20/06/2018 16:15

YANBU. He’s a dick that needs to have some compassion for his pregnant wife.

Congratulations btw Flowers

thedevilinablackdress · 20/06/2018 16:15

Yanbu

Sounds like a reasonable split of workload even if you were not sick!!

thedevilinablackdress · 20/06/2018 16:16

...so he needs to get his finger out and do more.

Shoxfordian · 20/06/2018 16:17

He's a knob

Trinity66 · 20/06/2018 16:18

You named out alot of stuff you're still doing, what does he do?

Beebiesandcheebies · 20/06/2018 16:18

That is not on. Pregnancy sickness can be horrendous. Unfortunately though I think people just don't understand unless they've been through it.

JugglingMummyof2 · 20/06/2018 16:19

It is quite telling that you say I have a 7 and 2 year old. Is it not we? I assume he is generally happy to let you do it all?

Footballmumofthefuture · 20/06/2018 16:20

What exactly is he doing?

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 20/06/2018 16:28

So if you're doing all that, what exactly is he doing?

Original poster
Eden80 · 20/06/2018 16:29

He is doing the hoovering of the house once a week, he does some food shopping too and the majority of the cooking. He also has been doing about 80 percent of the school pick ups. I deal with the toddler but he will occupy the seven year old and take him to bed, but I breastfeed the baby to sleep. Some days (at the moment three days a week) he plays tennis so I do the children's food and both of their bedtimes then. I normally do the laundry and he has done some of this since I have been pregnant. Now I feel like its all been resented. He is also working away this week and hasnt bothered to text or call, just left it on that note, that he was pissed off with it and saying it had to change.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 20/06/2018 16:32

I have a 4 year old and 2 year old and am 12 weeks pregnant with crippling nausea and exhaustion. I’m a SAHM. Apart from looking after the children in the day, DH is doing pretty much everything. Cooking, cleaning, washing etc. It’s not ideal but it’s hopefully not for long and he is more than happy to step up.

DontMentionTheWar · 20/06/2018 16:33

What a complete arsehole! Is he usually like this?

Thymeout · 20/06/2018 16:37

Can he take over weaning the 2 yr old from night feeds? The toddler doesn't need them, and will most likely sleep through without them. Don't give them a bottle instead. It's easier for DH to make this his project since toddler will know there's no chance of a bf if DF is in charge of settling them back to sleep when they wake.

No - you're not over-reacting. You're doing more than your share, even without morning sickness.

Trinity66 · 20/06/2018 16:37

He is doing the hoovering of the house once a week, he does some food shopping too and the majority of the cooking. He also has been doing about 80 percent of the school pick ups. I deal with the toddler but he will occupy the seven year old and take him to bed, but I breastfeed the baby to sleep. Some days (at the moment three days a week) he plays tennis so I do the children's food and both of their bedtimes then. I normally do the laundry and he has done some of this since I have been pregnant. Now I feel like its all been resented. He is also working away this week and hasnt bothered to text or call, just left it on that note, that he was pissed off with it and saying it had to change.

That just sounds like he's doing his share and before he wasn't doing much at all? Men like that make me so angry, like because you're a woman you need to be the servant

DarlingNikita · 20/06/2018 16:38

he was pissed off with it and saying it had to change.

Tell him 'Me too and I agree, it does. Step up and support me and your child-to-be.'

Twombly · 20/06/2018 16:39

I thought he was BU even before you mentioned that you're also working 3 days a week, so now I think he's being utterly useless. Not being in contact while he works away when you're at home with a primary age child, a toddler and morning sickness is just mean.

LanaorAna2 · 20/06/2018 16:39

Breastfeeding when pregnant can make you feel worse - triggers nausea.

pinkyredrose · 20/06/2018 16:40

Can you stop breastfeeding the 2yr old? It'll be quite tricky if they still expect a boob when you've got the new one. Your lazy fucker husband really needs to pull his finger out, when was the last time he looked after both DC on his own?

LagunaBubbles · 20/06/2018 16:40

Is this out of character for him or he usually such a unsympathetic dickhead?

LanaorAna2 · 20/06/2018 16:42

Your milk flow should dry up in a few weeks which will make weaning the toddler easier. You'll be much less nauseous, less tired and more able to cope.

Yes, DH should do more.

Lizzie48 · 20/06/2018 16:43

It sounds like you're still doing a lot despite the constant nausea. I don't see what he has to complain about tbh.

We have 2 adopted DDs (9 and6), one of whom has SN. I'm a SAHM, as it would be unrealistic for us both to have jobs at the moment, especially as DD1 is going to be having therapy soon and has always needed regular appointments for her hearing and sight problems. My DH doesn't do any cooking generally, but he puts on loads of washing when he sees the need and cleans up behind himself.

Your DH doesn't have to do the hoovering every week, he could leave it if he's feeling too tired, or only do the stairs and landing one day, or wherever needs it the most.

He certainly shouldn't make you feel bad about it. I have depression and PTSD as a result of my past, and often lack energy. My DH never makes me feel guilty about it, he just does what he can. We both live here and we're both responsible for our DDs.

Original poster
Eden80 · 20/06/2018 16:43

I am also taking a career break once number three is born as he works away a lot and I would really struggle with three and work, and financially its not that viable. He made reference to the fact he wont be doing anything like as much as he does now when I am 'not working' and for me not to be saying I am 'too busy looking after the children' to do housework.

OP posts:
Veterinari · 20/06/2018 16:44

Do what activities do you do on your 3 days per week? As I assume you have equivalent leisure time?
No?
You need to sit down with him and divide up jobs so you have equivalent time off - that’s parenting

Trinity66 · 20/06/2018 16:45

I am also taking a career break once number three is born as he works away a lot and I would really struggle with three and work, and financially its not that viable. He made reference to the fact he wont be doing anything like as much as he does now when I am 'not working' and for me not to be saying I am 'too busy looking after the children' to do housework.

Was he this unhelpful and sexist before baby No3 or is this a new occurrence?

Juells · 20/06/2018 16:46

He's an arsehole.

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