To be hurt by DH's comment?

[Eden80]

Okay so I am currently 11 weeks pregnant with baby number 3. I have a 7 and 2 year old. I have been exhausted and had pretty much constant nausea and felt absolutely awful since week 6. The other day my husband (who has been doing most of the housework and cooking) commented that this was unreasonable and I needed to do more it was ridiculous he was doing this much. I have washed up, done some cooking and still do all the primary care for the children, baths, dressing etc and two year old is still breastfeeding doing night feeds. I am also still doing shopping and I am working three days a week. I feel like he has no clue how tired pregnancy makes women and how days are spent just battling sickness and trying to do what you can when you can.

Am I over reacting? Is it the hormones?

Could you take him to your next antenatal appointment and get the midwife to explain what is happening to your body and the effects it has?

My personal opinion is that he is a selfish nob head and needs to give his head a wobble.

Glad someone else has said it too - you are growing a whole human being from scratch. I'd say he needs to up his game if he wants to play comparisons...!

You are growing a whole human being from scratch.

And if he is as dim as he sounds, show him this to help him visualise what that means.

Your DH is a dickhead - but you know that.

Tell him to stop being such a fool and start behaving like a proper grown-up man.

I'd have had the locks changed as soon as he left, with comments like that. He's a bastard and he needs educating.

So he's doing most of the cleaning, school pickups, going to work, cooking the meals and.. he's a "complete arsehole" when he complains a bit. Standards are high on here. And why is a 2 year old breast feeding at night

I’m pretty happy to have high standards!

Are you his wife or his skivvy?

He thinks he is the Skivvy that is the problem.

I think the problem is he thinks he is above doing that kind of work

Wow. @NotTakenUsername - that video was wonderful, thank you for sharing it! I've never seen it before and am in awe again of what our bodies can achieve.

Don't take that career break. This man only values money or things that can be measured in money. You stay home with him in this attitude in one year, he'll be treating you with even more open contempt (and he is already pretty contemptuous by my standards).

I would really caution against giving up work completely with a husband like this. He is clearly not willing to do anything for family life whatsoever. He's been doing some, not most, of the housework- you're still doing some cooking, some housework, all of the childcare, as well as working- and he's seen his arse because he doesn't think he should have to do any.

The childcare costs will be a household responsibility, so it isn't just your salary that would cover it. He's trying to trap you into being his servant as well as the main childcare provider.

OP, not all blokes think like this - my DH does his fair share, and picked up the slack when I was in hospital having surgery - as I did when he was in the same position - because we’re a partnership, and are both responsible for raising the DC.
I know it’s not economically viable but if there’s a way to keep your job, I would.
Remember (and i say this gently) your kids see, and copy, what you do - is this the best example of partnership?
Congratulations on the pregnancy

Inform him due to his current attitude you will no longer be taking a career break. The family will be paying for childcare and employing a cleaner/housekeeper as he clearly has a problem attaching any value, commercial or otherwise to the tasks required. He’s one of those chaps who needs to give a pregnancy suit a wee burl. Time to start a fuck-off fund too. I might accidently pierce two out of his three tennis balls with a bodkin, letting out trapped air seems appropriate.

My advice is to start a fuck off fund. This is going to end badly, and you need to be prepared. Do you have a mum/sister/aunt who could hold the account in her name, so he can't get it on divorce?

He either outsources some of the cleaning etc or he shuts the fuck up.
I wouldn’t take a career break, like a Pp said childcare is household expenditure....not solely your responsibility. Also, why haven’t you left the children with him?

As an aside, think about hiring a ‘mothers hand’, I know someone who had a third DC and found this helped them tremendously. It would also help you when he is working away.

I agree with PP, start a fuck off fund. Also, if you did split, he would have to forgo some of his ‘free’ time and look after his D.C. all by himself.

Thymeout said "Can he take over weaning the 2 yr old from night feeds? The toddler doesn't need them, and will most likely sleep through without them. Don't give them a bottle instead. It's easier for DH to make this his project since toddler will know there's no chance of a bf if DF is in charge of settling them back to sleep when they wake".

As someone who breastfeed her child for 4 and a half years, I really REALLY disagree with that opinion. The toddler does need breastfeeding, it is not a want but indeed a need. There are still health benefits, not to mention the emotional rewards and how it can make parenting so much easier (they fall down = boob, upset = boob, sleepy = boob, lonely = boob, angry = boob, want cuddles = boob, hungry = boob, it's Tuesday = boob lol). Honestly don't know how others parent without having such a useful free resource!

Breastfeeding during pregnancy is entirely possible - not all women but SOME do experience a milk reduction or dry up but if the child continues to dry feed during pregnancy then they will be rewarded once milk comes back for new-born (thus mummy can tandem feed both children if she wishes to).

Entirely your choice, but if you do feel like you want to stop breastfeeding your two year old soon, it may be easier for the toddler to accept it if you do it before the new baby arrives. Toddler doesn't feel so much like he's giving up the breast because of the baby, and its a lot of changes for him at once. Although you could always tandem feed, I think it'd be a lovely bonding experience ☺️

If it "has to change", tell him that it certainly will, just as soon as he produces his miracle cure for constant nausea.

I wouldnt say I want the career break, being at work is a break and a lot easier than having two let alone three with two under 3, but economically it wont make sense and I would struggle managing three with him away a lot

You really don't sound like you want this third one or the lifestyle changes it's going to bring.

Having said that your husband sounds like a knob!

It's the OP's business how long she breastfeeds, but I'm aghast at the thought of bfing through pregnancy, then bfing a baby and a toddler. I'm not very self-sacrificing, but I think I'd have punched anyone who suggested either option to me. The OP is already tired and nauseous :(

My milk dried up very fast, literally within days. I'd started giving a bottle, but like with you, the baby wanted to nurse as well and my nipples were raw. If dummies hadn't been invented I don't know how I'd have coped.