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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do You Fancy Your Partner

72 replies

WatchedSportAllWeekend · 18/06/2018 16:07

I was married for 25 years.

I have been with my current partner for about 3 years & we have been living together for about 8 months.

I’ve been feeling a bit blurgh about us for a few weeks & over the weekend I realised I just don’t fancy him .
We get on well and as with all couples he annoys me as I’m sure I annoy him .

I just don’t know if I should look at him & think I want to rip your clothes off IYSWIM?

I’m mid 40s & wondering if this is it ?

OP posts:
MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 18/06/2018 16:10

I wouldn't say I feel a constant need to rip my DH's clothes off but I do fancy him a lot. He's a very good looking man and I haven't lost sight of that since we met!

Raffles1981 · 18/06/2018 16:13

Seven years here and I still sometimes look at my DP and think "yes please!" Attraction is important imo. If you don't fancy him anymore, then maybe look at what you do like/love about him?

ShutUpYouPigeon · 18/06/2018 16:14

Yes I fancy him like mad. 6 years in, married for 2.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 18/06/2018 16:14

Well obviously there's an attraction there.
However I don't melt and go weak at the knees either

Takfujuimoto · 18/06/2018 16:15

I still fancy my DH very much after 12 yrs and 3 children, I think it helps that he has a great head of hair and is extremely competent at most of what he does.

He also rubs my feet every evening and prefers to give me mine before he gets hisWink

I think once you acknowledge a lack of attraction it's hard to get back in the mindset of fancying someone tbh.

Flowerpotbicycle · 18/06/2018 16:15

Been with my DP 3 years and still fancy him like mad. He is absolutely gorgeous though

StrongerThanIThought76 · 18/06/2018 16:16

My boyfriend of 8 years has put on a couple of stones recently and (shallow, I admit) I often question if I fancy him as much as I used to.

Love the bones of him but if I could just have that handsome hunk back again...

AmberNectarine · 18/06/2018 16:16

I can usually concentrate on what I'm doing around him, but I still like looking at him naked.

I sent him a text earlier to tell him he's getting some sex tonight, because I'm spontaneous like that, which was well received, so it seems we're doing alright after a decade 😄

AlbusPercival · 18/06/2018 16:17

Yes. Married 5 years, together for 12.

Toddler DS. Still fancy him a lot!

Original poster
WatchedSportAllWeekend · 18/06/2018 16:18

TBH I’m not sure I have ever found him ‘attractive ‘ but he treats me like a princess & after my marriage break up I’m wondering if this was/is the attraction

OP posts:
overnightangel · 18/06/2018 16:19

Life’s too short to spend time with someone you dont fancy. What’s the point?🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
WatchedSportAllWeekend · 18/06/2018 16:20

@StrongerThanIThought76 - I was trying not to be shallow as well but I hear you

OP posts:
Flowerpotbicycle · 18/06/2018 16:20

I couldn’t be with someone I didn’t want to shag senseless

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 18/06/2018 16:21

7 years in and still fancy the pants off him.

DissertationDrama · 18/06/2018 16:22

Yes, definitely. But it’s more than attraction, its an appreciation that he’s beautiful inside and out.

MoodyMumOfOne · 18/06/2018 16:22

Together 30 years and still fancy my hunky hubby (sorry if that word is annoying, at least I didn't put hubster!)

DissertationDrama · 18/06/2018 16:23

Although I think long term relationships have the potential to become quite ‘flat mate’ in nature, if you can’t see even a shadow of why you were initially attracted to him, I think you might have an issue.

Tangled59 · 18/06/2018 16:23

Yes I do - his face is sexy and his body is ripped and I love his mannerisms and voice and everything

Trinity66 · 18/06/2018 16:28

With my DH 15 years and yes I still fancy him alot

Mummy301308 · 18/06/2018 16:30

I don't fancy DP anymore because he's a wanker & I've lost all respect for him. He's still attractive though, older women love him.

Mamadothehump · 18/06/2018 16:30

18 years and I still sometimes look at him and think "phwoar"!!! He is a good looking bloke and there was an instant attraction.

letstryagainaaahhhh · 18/06/2018 16:30

I suppose I do fancy my husband a bit... but I'm pretty sure the attraction came from me finding him very funny and us getting drunk together a lot in the early days. That's not to say he isn't attractive, because he definitely is. It's just that I never felt that passion for him in the way that I had for other men in the past and he wasn't my usual type. But he has always been able to make me laugh and stop me taking myself too seriously. 12 years later and one dc in, I've definitely gone through phases where I haven't fancied him at all, especially first six months after our baby was born. But he is definitely my best friend and a great father, so I figure it's not the end of the world that I don't want to rip his clothes off. And after a few glasses of wine, i can usually get myself I the mood.

Snowysky20009 · 18/06/2018 16:32

I'm in the early stages of a new relationship after parting with exdp several months ago. Yep I fancy him, he turns me weak with a '

BlueTrousers · 18/06/2018 16:32

I’ve been with DP for 11 years and still fancy him
I don’t want to rip his clothes off every day no but I couldn’t kiss and have sex with someone I didn’t fancy

TomHardyswife · 18/06/2018 16:32

Married for 23 years and yes I still fancy the pants off him.