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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and father's day card

63 replies

Socksdroppedonthestairs · 13/06/2018 21:27

How would you feel about this? I have two dcs, both ks2 age so old enough to want to choose and buy their own cards for dh for father's day (which incidentally they did at the weekend, along with a present for him, with my support/ money). We arrived home from work/ school today to find MIL had shoved a bag through the door with a note on it to dcs "this is a card and gift for you to give to daddy for fathers day" (gift was a fridge magnet). Without any back story, how would you feel about this and what is your take on it?

OP posts:
Elliemayclampett · 13/06/2018 21:28

Wouldn’t bother me at all

Floralnomad · 13/06/2018 21:29

Personally I’d just return it to her and tell her that you are more than capable of organising your own gifts and cards from your children . Very strange behaviour on her part .

SpringSnowdrop · 13/06/2018 21:30

I’d feel rather pleased at the help as they’d enjoy giving those

Original poster
Socksdroppedonthestairs · 13/06/2018 21:30

I should add card was blank and was intended to be from dc to their dad as in assuming dc/I couldn't sort it ourselves.

OP posts:
JontyDoggle37 · 13/06/2018 21:32

Just give it back and say ‘got it covered, not sure why you thought we wouldn’t have?’....

LilacIris · 13/06/2018 21:33

I’d just return it and say the cards and presents have already been organised/bought.

happymummy12345 · 13/06/2018 21:34

I wouldn't like that.

biffyboom · 13/06/2018 21:34

Without a back story, I'd assume you are separated from the father.

biffyboom · 13/06/2018 21:36

Just to add, if that's the case, she really should have contacted you to ask first.

ALiensAbductedMe · 13/06/2018 21:36

Hand it back and say thank you for thought but children have chosen cards and presents already.

Original poster
Socksdroppedonthestairs · 13/06/2018 21:36

Not separated, happily married and living together.

OP posts:
sue51 · 13/06/2018 21:37

Has she done this before? I'd be a bit miffed that she wanted to spoil their fun in choosing a little gift for their Dad. It might be time for a tactful word with her.

MrsKoala · 13/06/2018 21:37

I have something similar with DH and my Mum. He goes out and gets her cards from the kids for all occasions (including mothers day) and then drives them over and puts them thru her door, then i gove the ones i have done with the kids and she says 'i've already got one'. Confused

I now just do mine and the kids and let DH do his and Mum accepts both and takes it as a well intentioned gesture from dh (even if he did give her a birthday card saying to 'My Great Grandmother' thinking it meant a nan who was brilliant Grin )

KalindaBlack · 13/06/2018 21:38

I'd give the card back, and maybe suggest she gives him the present herself?

DayKay · 13/06/2018 21:38

I’d let the dcs give miles stuff too.

My mil did that but for mother’s day. I ended up getting the cards from the dc as well as the one she arranged. I thought it was really lovely of her.

WinkyisbackontheButterBeer · 13/06/2018 21:39

I’d think that she saw it and thought it was nice so bought it.
My mum bought dds first Father’s Day card and gave it to me. She saw it in the sale while I was pregnant and thought that it was a nice card so bought it and put it away until dd arrived.
I just thought that it was nice of her.
It doesn’t mean that they can’t get him something else too.

SandyY2K · 13/06/2018 21:40

I'd be pissed off tbh. Why would she assume you can't or won't assist them with it.

theconstantinoplegardener · 13/06/2018 21:42

Hmm. My first thought would be to suspect that Mil thought DH wouldn't be receiving anything unless she organised it, so I'd feel a bit annoyed. But there could also be an innocent explanation: perhaps she's seen something he'd really like and it's ages until his birthday so she thought it would be fun to give it to him for Fathers Day, from your DC.

Ohyesiam · 13/06/2018 21:43

I would be irritated. Just give it back and tell her the kids enjoyed choosing.

BeanJen · 13/06/2018 21:44

Yeah yanbu. This is annoying.
It depends on the kind of relationship you have with your MIL and also her intention.
With mine I would just be able to pop round and give it back and joke about her not trusting me to sort it. Is there a chance she spoke to one of your DCs a while ago and they said they haven't got anything? Perhaps she was really genuinely trying to help, take the pressure off you maybe?

CourtneyLovely · 13/06/2018 21:46

I'd be pissed off too.

On a different but similar note my ex used to buy stuff for my DD to give to his family for birthdays/Christmas. She used to "forget" to bring them home to wrap because she liked to choose and buy her own stuff. One time we went over on Christmas day and he gave his mum a present that he'd chosen, bought and wrapped and said "this is from DD." DD said "no it isn't, this is from me" and handed over her own present 😊

Tubbyinthehottub · 13/06/2018 21:47

Mine does things like this. It's just because she likes buying stuff and she probably thinks it's helpful or nice but it does annoy me because sorting family cards presents is my responsibility, she's had her go! And then we end up with two cards from DC for the same event Hmm

TyneTeas · 13/06/2018 21:49

Is it definitely intended for your DCs to give tibDH, or perhaps it is for DH to give to his DF Grin

deste · 13/06/2018 21:50

She is probably thinking she is giving you one less thing to think about.

You have heard the saying ” choose your battles” so just tell her you have it covered this year but will keep them for next year.

Maelstrop · 13/06/2018 21:52

I’d be pissed off. It’s not her deal.