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Original poster

MIL and father's day card

63 replies

Socksdroppedonthestairs · 13/06/2018 21:27

How would you feel about this? I have two dcs, both ks2 age so old enough to want to choose and buy their own cards for dh for father's day (which incidentally they did at the weekend, along with a present for him, with my support/ money). We arrived home from work/ school today to find MIL had shoved a bag through the door with a note on it to dcs "this is a card and gift for you to give to daddy for fathers day" (gift was a fridge magnet). Without any back story, how would you feel about this and what is your take on it?

OP posts:
FreeMantle · 13/06/2018 21:54

I'd assume she was a bit bored and liked to buy stuff.

I'd give it to the him or let the kids do it and tell him it was from his mum.

fuzzyfozzy · 13/06/2018 21:56

Yep, get dh to give it to his dad 😂

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 13/06/2018 21:58

Mine (also ks2) would give dh the cards and gifts they had chosen and then afterwards, with a bemused shrug say 'oh and Granny wanted to give this to you too'. Their faces would barely crack although they would think it was hilariously funny and add it to their 'mad granny anecdotes'. I would just explain to them that for some reason MIL has done this so just give it to him once they have given their presents. Let dh field the questions from the dc about why she would do it, whether he likes their presents more than hers and when he is going to start giving them presents (ds is very annoyed that there is no children's day - this would just confirm that parents should give their children more presents). Just let it all unravel!

ginswinger · 13/06/2018 22:00

I would think it was a very thoughtful gesture. I definitely wouldn't hand it back and offend her

caringcarer · 13/06/2018 22:11

If they have already chosen a card and written out I would return that but just put fridge magnet in with his gift so he gets extra. No big deal surely.

Passingwords · 13/06/2018 22:12

Yeah just give them to him after theirs, get them to sign from DS and grannies too, then explain that grannies bought cards for them too. Tell her that he had the children's cards and hers and just leave it at that, life is too short to sweat it

billybagpuss · 13/06/2018 22:13

Write it as follows:

This ones from your mum, she didn't think we could sort our own out.

love
your kids

rogueone · 13/06/2018 22:16

How bizarre. I would give it back or get your DH to give it to his Dad. I would be fuming if my outlaw tried to interfere with my DC Father’s Day plans. We have a set thing we do and it has nothing to do with her.

rogueone · 13/06/2018 22:18

billybagpuss perfect!

Chocolateismyvice · 13/06/2018 22:21

Wouldn't bother me at all Confused

I think DPs parents got him a card for Father's Day last year signed from them (his first one). They may do again this year. I also got him a card/present from DS.

My mum also got a card and presents for me 'from' my son (he was only 3 weeks old so too young to do it himself obviously Grin ) my DP also got me a card and gift from him.

None of thought anything of it, just a nice gesture.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 13/06/2018 22:21

Have they a pet you could send it from to fil??

Alibaba87 · 13/06/2018 22:21

I’d be a bit annoyed, but don’t think I’d make anything of it particularly. Give to DH and say his mum picked this out. Maybe get DC to tell grandma what they bought for Dad on Father’s Day. Just so she knows you got it covered without seeming like a dig.

yikesanotherbooboo · 13/06/2018 22:23

My mil does this sort of thing. It is irritating but not important . Dad can have extra cards, mil is happy and no one is hurt. I realise it is her need for control and rather
Patronising but we are a family and personally I would just accept it. I am a bit of a walkover though. If asked my DH would say she is trying to help which may be part of the truth.

wictional · 13/06/2018 22:29

“Dear MIL,

Thanks for dropping the card off! I’ve set it aside for 2019 as the kids have already sorted it themselves for this year (and they’re v proud). Hope you don’t mind!”

BowKay · 13/06/2018 22:29

I'd find it odd she had shoved it through the door and not asked: mentioned it to me first. There's a lot of assumption there, like she's running your household for you and totally circumventing you.

I would politely mention to her that you received the cards too late and the children chose their own gift. I'd ask her to run things by me first to stop her wasting money on things you'd already organised.

gillybeanz · 13/06/2018 22:35

Give it to your dh on fathers day along with your dc written card and wrapped present.
Give it to him as it is Grin including the note from her.

Hotfootit · 13/06/2018 22:36

I guess it all depends on your relationship with your MIL and how interfering you find her generally. My MIL is pretty good and we have a good relationship. If she did this I’d be surprised, as it’s not normal for her, but I’d not be bothered and would happily add it to the haul of gifts.

AmazingPostVoices · 13/06/2018 22:39

My MIL did this for my first Mother’s Day.

DH is very competent and organised so I’m not sure why she didn’t think he’d have it in hand.

He wasn’t very pleased about it and I assume had a word as if hasn’t happened again.

I would be peeved in your circumstances and would politely ask her not to do it again.

PinkHeart5914 · 13/06/2018 22:41

I can’t really see what’s she’s done wrong tbh.

Just get the dc to write in the card “ Grandma got us this one for you”

I think it’s rather sweet actually 🤷🏻‍♀️

SeamusMacDubh · 13/06/2018 23:08

I can imagine my MIL doing this; she's a bit batty sometimes and can be a bit off judging boundaries (or deliberately overstepping them for attention) but I also think sometimes that she just wants to feel included and has a cack handed way of engineering that.

I don't think I'd be snarky, probably just send a message like "hello MIL, got the bag you posted through the door today. The DC have chosen a card each already, it'll be nice for DH to have the three cards to open. The DC like the gift and have wrapped it this evening and put it with the ones they picked out. See you soon, Seamus x"

I think if you feed the weird behaviour with drama it spirals and becomes even weirder. For example, if you're snarky and then she relays the story "all I did was help the DGC by sorting a card and present for DS and DIL sent me a horrible message and made me feel pushed out of my own DS's life!!!".

Buuuuuuut, I don't know your backstory sooo, it's hard to know what's right in your situation.

rogueone · 13/06/2018 23:19

I find it odd on this thread that a large number find it sweet and don’t mind! My view is that she has had her time to do her bits and bobs and create memories with her own children. Therefore you should be left to do the same with your own. She sends a card and a small gift for the DC to give to their Dad. She is not there DM, you are so I do find it an over stepping of boundaries.

Ebony69 · 13/06/2018 23:27

Of course she didn’t need to drop the card round but I think she had the best of intentions and that it would be pretty mean-spirited to give it back to her. What would be achieved by doing that other than to offend? Or is that the intention?

Homebird8 · 14/06/2018 00:32

Is there a FIL? Perhaps give the card and present to DH and tell him that MIL dropped them in for him to give to his DF?

emmyrose2000 · 14/06/2018 00:36

I'd be pissed off. Basically MIL is saying that you/your DC aren't capable of organising your own father's day present. How rude and insulting.

Choccywoccyhooha · 14/06/2018 00:45

I'd think it a bit weird but shrug it off/laugh about it with dh and get the kids to give him the extra card and present. It's a fridge magnet, if she had bought an extravagant gift then I might think that she was trying to outdo me, but I can't get upset about a fridge magnet.