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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is unusual - police visit.

54 replies

DextroDependant · 25/05/2018 15:40

Last year I split from my ex, many police visits, pressed charges for harassment and obtained a non molestation order. The police were fine during the process but didn't pop in for any follow ups, nor did I expect them to.

I stupidly got back with him for 6 months and then split again. This involved one police visit (no charges) and help from women's aid.

Every day since we split (about 6 weeks) ex has threatened suicide. I don't engage with him but he texts/creates new Facebook accounts/rings withheld so I do get these threats despite ignoring them. I do forward some this mum just incase he is being serious but I haven't reported any to the police.

Well today a policeman knocked on my door, I immediately said oh is this about X? He said yes and I asked has he killed himself?
Policeman said no and looked a bit confused so I explained about the threats.
He then asked me of X was here, he obvious weren't or I wouldn't have asked if he was dead. He then went on to aske where he is living, which I know they have record of or if I know any other places he stays.
He said he was just checking everything was ok and wether X had done anything else.
He asked did my dog belong to ex, I said no he has A, B, C & D breeds. he wrote this information down
Tbwn he asked was X driving, I told him about his car and he confirmed that has been taken from him already (X doesn't have a license).
He then asked if I know anything else he has been up to. I confirmed I don't as I haven't been in touch for over a month.
He passed me a card and said if I think of anything I can call crime stoppers anonymous.

So AIBU to think that it wasn't just a courtesy call to check I am ok after recent events but actually X has done something and the policeman was looking for information?

OP posts:
o0o0 · 25/05/2018 15:46

Hmm. Sounds strange Op. I would also be questioning it.

I visually you don't want to reach out to X though as if nothing has happened he'll take that as contact etc.

Are you on good terms with his mum?

o0o0 · 25/05/2018 15:47

I visually = obviously. Duh.

Roomba · 25/05/2018 15:47

I very much doubt they have time to do courtesy calls even if they wanted to. Sounds to me like they are looking for your ex in connection with a reported crime? I would imagine (though am purely guessing as I'm not police) they may be looking to possibly arrest him, given they noted what dogs he had etc (in case the dogs were a problem when they find him)? Then again, would they send just one police officer round on their own to make an arrest? I'd hope not, for the officer's safety that sound like a bad idea!

It could be that someone else has contacted the police to express concern for your ex (espec if he's been threatening suicide) and this was the only address they had for him so they checked there first?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/05/2018 15:49

DO NOT CONTACT EX.

Is it worth giving 101 a call to ask? They may not be able to tell you anything though if it is an ongoing investigation.

Sundance65 · 25/05/2018 15:50

You are right in thinking the police were after information for some reason and not being honest about it.

You are wrong in thinking this is unusual - it's how the police work.

Original poster
DextroDependant · 25/05/2018 15:52

They definitely have his actual address as they have dealt with him several times.

I don't think it is related to the suicide threats as he didn't seem to know anything about it and he gave me the number for crime shoppers anonymous, a welfare check I would just ring 101/999 as appropriate.

I am not phoning him or his mum, don't want to give him a heads up if they are investigating him.

OP posts:
Original poster
DextroDependant · 25/05/2018 15:53

Sorry @Sundance I meant it would be unusual for them go be popping round to see how I am which is what the policeman said.

OP posts:
catsofa · 25/05/2018 15:59

My hunch is that he's done something to another woman recently (another ex?) and they were checking he hadn't done similar to you recently, given the history.

Original poster
DextroDependant · 25/05/2018 16:01

That's quite a scary thought @catsofa, the ex before me was a few years earlier but there is nothing to say he hasn't met someone in the last six weeks or indeed while we were together.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/05/2018 16:06

I think I’d ask Police to give him a harassment warning so you can get him out of your life.

scurryfunge · 25/05/2018 16:11

He'll be wanted for something else and they are using you to gather intelligence.

ReanimatedSGB · 25/05/2018 16:15

With a bit of luck he's about to get some cell time, which will get him out of your hair for a while.

Original poster
DextroDependant · 25/05/2018 16:32

@Testing he has been prosecuted for harassing me last year, it makes no difference at all.

Although thinking about it possible hasn't been going to probation/community service and that could be what it was about maybe.b

OP posts:
Fatted · 25/05/2018 16:38

Sounds like your Ex is wanted and the police are looking for him.

Or they've had a report of a domestic at your address and assumed it was your ex. They have to follow up reports of domestics.

BlueSapp · 25/05/2018 16:43

Definitely an interrogation for information, especially when he said for you to call crime stoppers.

Original poster
DextroDependant · 25/05/2018 16:45

No domestics here @Fatted, because of his history last time and the fact I was having surgery days after we separated women's aid requested a marker on my Phone number and address so if I call 101 or 999 from my house or mobile the police will be straight here, I don't even have to talk. If anyone rings up about my address again it is given rapid response priority.

OP posts:
Fatted · 25/05/2018 16:55

If he's not checked in as part of his probation or breached his license, the police do check up on the victims of their offence their on license for if they're deemed to be high risk of re-offending. Given your history, this could be a possibility.

Definitely sounds like he's wanted for something.

LakieLady · 25/05/2018 17:06

If he's breached a probation or community service order, they can get a warrant and have him arrested for the breach.

It did sound like a bit of a fishing expedition, tbh.

Weird.

FASH84 · 25/05/2018 17:06

They're looking for him for something else.

Original poster
DextroDependant · 25/05/2018 20:12

What's bothering me is him giving me a card for crime stoppers anon, rather than saying call 101 if he makes a nuisance of himself.

I have been chatting to my sister and she thinks that the police think I know something about something he is involved with but am too scared to say.

Is shebeg dramatic or does that sound believable?

OP posts:
Butterflykissess · 25/05/2018 20:22

Looks like they are looking for him for something else I agree. I had detectives at my door last year after ex was released from a psychiatric hospital and was threatening to kill me to the drs in there. They visited me to warn me he had been released (didn't even know he was in there as we are NC) could it be something similar?

Butterflykissess · 25/05/2018 20:23

Sounds believable.

MirrorMirror21 · 25/05/2018 20:42

Definitely looking for him. I had the same with my ex after getting a non mol. Frequent (weekly) hammering on the door and police surrounding my house and back garden. Even though I told them everything I knew a thousand times, hadn't been together for years, had a non mol and contact with DD was in a contact centre. It made me so bloody anxious, was embarrassed to leave the house. Nearly lost my tenancy.

Sometimes they have no other leads than what are on their records, so they go with that. Hopefully your ex didn't turn out to be a career criminal like mine though op, and this is your only visit Thanks

Original poster
DextroDependant · 25/05/2018 21:29

He's not been in hospital, he harasses me daily and I assume he wouldn't have a phone in there.

Sorry you went through that @Mirror hopefully it's something and nothing. I am so nosy though, it will kill me not knowing.

OP posts:
Butterflykissess · 25/05/2018 21:42

My ex had his phone in the hospital as he told me. Emailed me a few months after the police thing. Either way sounds like they are after him for something.