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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is unusual - police visit.

54 replies

DextroDependant · 25/05/2018 15:40

Last year I split from my ex, many police visits, pressed charges for harassment and obtained a non molestation order. The police were fine during the process but didn't pop in for any follow ups, nor did I expect them to.

I stupidly got back with him for 6 months and then split again. This involved one police visit (no charges) and help from women's aid.

Every day since we split (about 6 weeks) ex has threatened suicide. I don't engage with him but he texts/creates new Facebook accounts/rings withheld so I do get these threats despite ignoring them. I do forward some this mum just incase he is being serious but I haven't reported any to the police.

Well today a policeman knocked on my door, I immediately said oh is this about X? He said yes and I asked has he killed himself?
Policeman said no and looked a bit confused so I explained about the threats.
He then asked me of X was here, he obvious weren't or I wouldn't have asked if he was dead. He then went on to aske where he is living, which I know they have record of or if I know any other places he stays.
He said he was just checking everything was ok and wether X had done anything else.
He asked did my dog belong to ex, I said no he has A, B, C & D breeds. he wrote this information down
Tbwn he asked was X driving, I told him about his car and he confirmed that has been taken from him already (X doesn't have a license).
He then asked if I know anything else he has been up to. I confirmed I don't as I haven't been in touch for over a month.
He passed me a card and said if I think of anything I can call crime stoppers anonymous.

So AIBU to think that it wasn't just a courtesy call to check I am ok after recent events but actually X has done something and the policeman was looking for information?

OP posts:
Original poster
DextroDependant · 25/05/2018 21:46

Oh I am quite surprised at that. I have never been to a psychiatric hospital but I assumed they wouldn't have phones.

OP posts:
Weezol · 25/05/2018 22:00

Sounds like he's wanted on warrant - could be as simple as missing a court date/probation or failing to appear at the station to answer bail.

I would think they are checking all previous known addresses to track him down before they concentrate any more resources. Police have to justify any spending to a ludicrous degree since the cuts.

You're right in thinking they weren't checking on you, just carrying out enquiries. Really sorry that you had to, but also glad to hear you have immediate attendance markers on your contact details IYSWIM Flowers

Original poster
DextroDependant · 25/05/2018 22:34

Thanks, they were a precaution as I was having surgery which meant I couldn't talk clearly for a couple of weeks which left me in a vulnerable position.

I am dying to ask him. I won't for obvious reasons but I am so nosy.

OP posts:
angelnix · 25/05/2018 22:38

Could they be tracking his phone? If he's making calls, FB profiles etc to contact you, they will know he's been trying to contact you.

Original poster
DextroDependant · 25/05/2018 23:18

I don't think they would go to That amount of expense and effort just because he is a pain on the ass to his ex. He is not violent or anything.

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 25/05/2018 23:21

"he harasses me daily"

How is he doing this? Why haven't you blocked his number/FB/other social media?

JobbyBum · 25/05/2018 23:22

Sounds like he’s gone awol and the police are looking for him.

Biscwit · 26/05/2018 01:03

LoniceraJaponica

How is he doing this? Why haven't you blocked his number/FB/other social media?

It states in the OP that ex repeatedly changes/withholds number and creates new FB profiles

AvoidingDM · 26/05/2018 01:11

I think your sis has hit it on the head. They are looking for him and think you possibly know more than you are saying.

whatyadoing · 26/05/2018 01:13

He is wanted for questioning - simple as. You are the person most likely to know where he is, hence them asking you...

They just can't find him. They will possibly rock up again in a day or two.

AjasLipstick · 26/05/2018 01:34

He may have been reported missing OP. Perhaps with his dogs.

WhoWants2Know · 26/05/2018 08:02

Asking about his dogs and car are interesting.

Original poster
DextroDependant · 26/05/2018 09:08

Thanks @Biscwit, @Lonicare if only it was so easy as block him and poof he is gone.

He is still texting me from his mum's and his dads phones, the messages go to my blocked inbox but I can see them so he is not missing, he was with both parents at some point yesterday.

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 26/05/2018 09:31

Sorry, I missed that point in the OP. Please stay safe.

Original poster
DextroDependant · 26/05/2018 09:35

Thanks xx

OP posts:
Weezol · 26/05/2018 10:06

Is it worth giving Crimestoppers a call to let them know his parents are seeing him? I think that's what the officer was hoping/hinting at by giving you the card - that you could help them find him without implicating yourself or being called as a witness.

SeriousSass · 26/05/2018 10:15

I know it isn’t easy stopping him from contacting you but are you sure there isn’t more you can do? I don understand how he is using Facebook to contact you when it’s so easy to totally hide your account?

(Unless it a business account I suppose ). Also, would it be worth changing your phone number.

I get that you can see the missed blocked calls but I’m unsure how you are seeing messages. Is there a reason you are accepting ID withheld messages?

Anyway, I’m sure you have tried but I think it must be terrible to be hearing from him every day for 6 weeks.

Butterflykissess · 26/05/2018 11:15

I agree change your number and change your settings on fb.

gryffen · 26/05/2018 11:18

Hi lass, hope your safe.

Little tip from security staff here.

If a police officer asks you for information even if in marked uniform or plain clothes- ask for their Warrant ID.

It's a thing now people will use fake uniforms to get information from previous family or victims to see how much information they will pass along.

Not trying to scare you but always be vigilent- crimestopper cards are easy to get, the officer should have given you his name and contact for local office etc

10+Yrs of experience of security and working with police gave me valuable tricks of trade.

Hope all is well.

Original poster
DextroDependant · 26/05/2018 14:00

I didn't know you can totally hide your Facebook? Basically he creates a new Facebook account and sends me a message
It goes into my message request folder. I see it and block the account.
Repeat several times a day.

Text messages go straight to the blocked message folder on my phone. There is no way to stop texts from getting to my phone completely but I block each new number he uses. I currently have 17 blocked phone numbers and 708 messages in my blocked message folder.

I can change my number but its a pain making sure everyone has the new number, school, doctors, my surgeons office, my son's medical team, work, my banking app, friends, family. So I was hoping he would just get bored and save me the hassle.

OP posts:
Original poster
DextroDependant · 26/05/2018 14:01

@gryffn there was a police car parked outside but I get the point you are making and its good advice.

OP posts:
HopefullyAnonymous · 26/05/2018 14:21

Sounds like the sort of call we’d make for someone wanted on warrant. If the crime he’s wanted for doesn’t relate to you in anyway the officer may have to be a bit cryptic, if that makes sense?

Butterflykissess · 26/05/2018 15:01

You can make fb so no one can find you or only friends of friends, and with the number yeh it's a pain but I would still just change it.

o0o0 · 26/05/2018 15:37

What phone do u have Op?
My iPhone doesn't have a 'blocked messages' folder (at least I don't think so!), that'd be soooo counter productive because you'd find yourself checking them. Blocked should mean blocked! Maybe you should get an iPhone?

theycallmebabydriver · 26/05/2018 15:47

I think your sis has hit it on the head. They are looking for him and think you possibly know more than you are saying.

I also think your sister is bang on.