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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how I tell SIL to sod off?

71 replies

InMemoryOfSleep · 22/05/2018 12:28

Have just spent the weekend with the in-laws, joy of joys Hmm. SIL took it upon herself to spend the weekend telling me what to feed DS. He is 2, and going through a bit of a picky phase, we offer him all sorts - mainly what we’re also eating - but there are some things I know he won’t touch, and I don’t want to put him off by offering them. She went on several monologues about how important it is to offer children a variety of tastes, etc etc. How do I politely tell her to sod off next time we are there? She has no kids, and is bulimic, so obviously doesn’t have the best attitude towards food (she doesn’t know that I know that), and also, I hate her, so I just sat there with a gritted-teeth smile and nod. But I’m dreading going again, feeding DS is hard enough at the minute without her adding to the stress!

OP posts:
gingerbreadbiscuits · 22/05/2018 12:30

Say I will decide how to parent my child when you have your own then you parent your way.

FeralBeryl · 22/05/2018 12:42

Sympathies OP, we're all the best parents in the world until we have our own kids Grin
I've got an imminent week of my very similar completely fucked up BIL so I'll be doing the same.
I'm going with...

Thanks ever so much but do me a favour a fuck off.

BustopherJones · 22/05/2018 12:46

There was a thread about either advice or sleep, where a poster mentioned how often someone would inform her that she needed to use a bedtime routine with her baby who wasn’t a great sleeper. Her response was along the lines of ‘really? And here I was trying to make each day completely different for maximum inconsistency.’

How irritating.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/05/2018 12:46

What does he eat? He's very young to say you know he won't certain things tbf.

Nanny0gg · 22/05/2018 12:49

W is plenty old enough to know their own minds. I speak from bitter experience...😫

Nanny0gg · 22/05/2018 12:49

W? 2!!!

Nacknick · 22/05/2018 12:50

That's not really the point though is it GreatDuck? The OP is dealing with it in what she thinks is the right way. It's none of the SIL's business so she should butt out.

Strongmummy · 22/05/2018 12:51

I’d take her to one side and politely say “shut. The. Fuck. Up.”

AmazingPostVoices · 22/05/2018 12:52

“thank you for your input SIL, we know what we are doing”

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/05/2018 12:52

I don't know, maybe SIL has a point. Although there's ways of going about it I guess.

CaveMaman · 22/05/2018 12:52

You have my sympathy - my two year old is a fussy little man too. I've actually stopped trying to get him to try new things, I'll start again when he's a bit more reasonable!

Not sure what to say to your sil, perhaps something like "thanks for the advice, but I know my son better than you and am feeding him as best I can. The last thing I want to do is make mealtimes a chore and stressful because eating is a pleasure and I want him to have that pleasure. I'm sure he'll try new things when he gets older, but for now, we'll stick to 'safe' foods that I know he'll eat."

TeeBee · 22/05/2018 12:53

I would just keep repeating 'Thank you for your experienced insight' at EVERYTHING she says. Say it half way through her sentences for maximum effect.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/05/2018 12:53

I hate her

This probably has a lot to do with why the OP is pissed off at her SIL butting in.

OneWouldHopeSo · 22/05/2018 12:56

Fabulous missing of point by GreatDuck.

FizzyGreenWater · 22/05/2018 12:59

I hate her

This probably has a lot to do with why the OP is pissed off at her SIL butting in.

Haha.

Yes! And...?

Apologies for pointing out the damn obvious but the fact that SIL is the type who thinks butting in and telling a parent how best to feed their own child probably goes a long way to explaining why she's hated!

DuchyDuke · 22/05/2018 13:01

She has a point though. At 2 a variety of different foods (even if it’s just a single piece each) should be put in front of him, let him reject it at each and every meal. Eventually he will grow curious enough to try it. It’s what the dietician recommended for my picky eating neice, and my guess is that your ex-Bullimic sil probably had similar advice from the dietician who worked with her. Don’t discount her advice just because you hate her.

polkasha · 22/05/2018 13:05

Say something like ‘we’re trying to avoid too much conflict at mealtimes as this can lead to unhealthy attitudes to food later on’
Might click with her experience of bulimia and get her to butt out.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/05/2018 13:06

Give over, there's obviously more to this. People don't hate someone because they've given you advice on how to feed your child.

And plus it is important that children try different food so they don't end up fussy.

Obviously there's ways of suggesting that of course.

FizzyGreenWater · 22/05/2018 13:07

‘we’re trying to avoid too much conflict at mealtimes as this can lead to unhealthy attitudes to food later on’

yes good.

Also:

'Oh don't worry SIL, we're fine. Hard for outsiders to give advice on things like this as it's all part of the bigger picture of parenting and knowing the developmental stages your child is at I guess...'

Dobbythesockelf · 22/05/2018 13:14

My dd is 3 and hates peas if she has peas on her plate she refuses to eat anything close to the peas. So we just don't give her peas. Toddlers can be stubborn. I started off with the attitude that I would put food in front of her until she ate it. Now I just want her to eat so if that means no peas, or broccoli then I'm not going to loose sleep over it. I would tell your sil to butt out, it's not her child and not her problem.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/05/2018 13:15

‘we’re trying to avoid too much conflict at mealtimes as this can lead to unhealthy attitudes to food later on’

I wouldn't recommend saying that to someone suffering from bulimia personally.

Weezol · 22/05/2018 13:15

It's important to shut this down quickly before your child fully understands what she's saying.

How about "Please can you stop commenting on what I feed my child while he's going through this phase. It's an important part of his development to learn when it's appropriate to express preference and recognise the boundaries I set for his behaviour across the board."

Try and make it about everything, not just food

MuncheysMummy · 22/05/2018 13:16

Jesus Christ I wish someone would tell my 23 month old (as in not quite 2 rather than almost 3!) that it’s important to try different foods so he doesn’t end up fussy! He will eat precisely 30 items in total that is it I have been trying since weaning day 1 to expand this with no luck he has his repertoire which he is happy to stick too he will not even put them in his mouth unless by mistake which then results in a big dramatic ‘YACK!” followed by ejection then “mummy not like!” With a face like he’s chewing a wasp Hmm he then is highly suspicious of anything else on his plate often rejecting the whole thing proclaiming he’s finished. He gets ignored of course but not much luck so far 😩

MegEmski · 22/05/2018 13:18

@DuchyDuke did you miss where the OP said "we offer him all sorts"? to me that suggests....a variety of different foods....is offered.

Also excellent missing the point of thread.

Penfold007 · 22/05/2018 13:18

DH should tell his DSis to sod off.