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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask partner to take DD to appointment??

34 replies

RaquelWelch · 22/05/2018 09:25

AIBU here? I work four days and travel into work (1 hour each way). Partner (can't bring myself to call him DP today) works for himself, from home, and can pretty much do as he wishes, for example, this Friday he is having a golf day, so no work for him. DD has medical appointment at 6pm today and Partner was due to take her. This morning, before I left, he asked if I was going to leave work early and take DD to appointment. I said, no, as he would be at home. He told me I was selfish and that he has to do everything! He does no other drop offs, I do all the clubs during week, on my day off and at weekends. He said all I care about is my job (not true) and that I should leave work an hour earlier. I get this a lot from him. AIBU??

OP posts:
maclippy · 22/05/2018 09:35

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Redtartanshoes · 22/05/2018 09:37

Is dd your partners child too

kaytee87 · 22/05/2018 09:40

@maclippy I'm not sure why op should grow up Confused

Op of course yanbu. Why anyone would think you should leave work early to take dd somewhere when another parent is at home and can do it is totally beyond me.

Original poster
RaquelWelch · 22/05/2018 09:43

maclippy Thought I had been quite grown up. Discussed it at the weekend, Partner would be home and so it was agreed he would take her. He decided to change his mind this morning and yes, redtartanshoes he is DD's dad

OP posts:
BiddyPop · 22/05/2018 09:50

Well then, as he is her Dad and it was already agreed, of COURSE he should be taking her!

maclippy · 22/05/2018 09:51

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Pengggwn · 22/05/2018 09:54

Unless there is some huge inequity in terms of who does what at the moment (weighted in your favour), he is being entirely unreasonable.

SweetCheeks1980 · 22/05/2018 09:55

Personally if he agreed to take her he should but it seems like your partner thinks you prioritise your job. Do you miss many other things?

kaytee87 · 22/05/2018 09:56

The poor man is working! Stop complaining about him to strangers on an internet forum while he is working. The poor man must feel so hen-pecked!

😂😂😂 are you taking the piss? He's the one asking op to come home from work early!

Oh the poor hen pecked menz.

mindutopia · 22/05/2018 09:59

I work from home (most of the time) and yes, it’s perfectly reasonable to expect him to take her. Surely, at 6pm he’s unlikely to still be working anyway? But presumably if he’s home with her anyway but you have an hour commute to get there from work, then he’s closer so should take her. I do many of the daytime appointments for our dc because I’m closer (my dh is self employed but doesn’t work from home and would have to close up shop to do daytime appointments, he does more in mornings/weekends/periodic days off, like bank holidays, so I can work extra). If he tends to work at 6pm, he can just take her and then finish up any work in the evening or on his golf day just like most people with children have to do to balance work and family life.

Lou222 · 22/05/2018 10:00

He’s being incredibly selfish and to make you even question who is unreasonable sounds like he is wearing you down and making you doubt yourself. You are definitely not being unreasonable.
Think maclippy could be your dp though - ignore!

Lizzie48 · 22/05/2018 10:00

'The poor man is working! Stop complaining about him to strangers on an internet forum while he is working. The poor man must feel so hen-pecked!'
*
'Are* you taking the piss? He's the one asking op to come home from work early!'

Yes, there's always one spouting shit like this. Hmm

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 22/05/2018 10:01

Hmm poor man having to take his own daughter to a medical appointment.

OP do you earn more than him or have a more senior role or something? You say he makes these comments a lot. It sounds like he resents your job for some reason.

Anyway YANBU. It makes much more sense for him to take her, especially because he already agreed to do it.

RebootYourEngine · 22/05/2018 10:05

So while you leave work early, miss out on an hours wage, to come home and then take dd to her appointment what will he be doing?

squishy · 22/05/2018 10:12

YANBU he needs to get a grip

SluttyButty · 22/05/2018 10:16

The poor man is working! Stop complaining about him to strangers on an internet forum while he is working. The poor man must feel so hen-pecked!

^seriously^ The last time I checked it was joint responsibility when you have a child and if what the Op has said his true, then there's already an imbalance of childcare Hmm

moita · 22/05/2018 10:16

Of course YANBU. He can take time off to play golf but not to take his child to an appointment? Ridiculous!

SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2018 11:13

maclippy are you the partner?
BOTH have jobs.

One has agreed to do appt. One has probably finished by 5 and is generally happy to swap his hours to suit him.
One has a paid jon with an employer who may not just let them go home whatever time they want

Original poster
RaquelWelch · 22/05/2018 11:37

Partner has a well paid job and can basically pick when he works. He goes to the gym during the day, golf days etc. As I said, it was discussed and he agreed. I wouldn't dream of asking him to come home early from something if I was sitting at home anyway, so I find it difficult to understand when he does it. Anyway, he has phoned me to apologise, but he will do it again in a few weeks so not sure how much that is worth. And Maclippy, would love to hear how you would deal with the situation and not sure how he would feel henpecked when he is the one pecking, it cuts both ways.

OP posts:
YouBetterWORK · 22/05/2018 11:45

Glad he's apologised... if he's got time for a day off to swanny off to golf, he's got time to take his child to a medical appointment!

maclippy · 23/05/2018 16:26

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Lizzie48 · 23/05/2018 17:11

My post was actually pretty mild by MN standards. I do apologise if I offended you, though, and I genuinely mean that. I guess I've got into bad habits as a result of being on Mumsnet for too long.

My opinion of your post still stands, though, the OP's DH takes time off when he wants to for golf, so why can't he take time off to take his DS for his appointment. You were too busy taking offence at me using the s word to actually defend your position.

FASH84 · 23/05/2018 17:13

If he can take a golf day he can take his child to an appointment. YANBU

Puttingthefootdown · 23/05/2018 17:22

Oh ffs! Of course YANBU. He's acting like a tool, spitting his dummy out.

maclippy · 23/05/2018 17:55

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