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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel miffed by babysitter saga!!!

60 replies

lill72 · 21/05/2018 07:24

My friend couldn't get a babysitter so asked me for mine. I organised it. I thought it was a one off. Since then, there's been a few group events and she's been using my babysitter on these same nights when I need her! Wouldn't it have been courteous to ask me if it was Ok?? When I got little upset about - her reply was you snooze you lose. She claims she thought it was ok to keep asking her and a misunderstanding. I think she just didnt care. But now she has me into the bad guy. Goodness you try and do someone a favour and now I just feel used. What would you say?

OP posts:
Psychobabble123 · 21/05/2018 07:27

I'd say you sound ridiculous! She's not YOUR babysitter, you use her services that she also provides to others. Good babysitters are busy, that's whyI book ahead with mine, same as I would hair appointments etc. Get a grip!

Akire · 21/05/2018 07:29

I can see why you are annoyed. But if it’s just a babysitter not a friend that’s doing it you don’t have much claim. Maybe she pays more or is closer to her house and she prefers it? It is cheeky though if you use them all time and now she gets on before you.

DoJo · 21/05/2018 07:29

Surely this isn't 'your' babysitter, but someone who operates independently and can work for whoever they want. Did you expect your friend not to book a babysitter when she needs one in case you wanted to use her?

Psychobabble123 · 21/05/2018 07:30

It is cheeky though if you use them all time and now she gets on before you

It really isn't, the OP has no more right to book the babysitter than her friend or any other person who wants a sitter. Its first come first served.

ZoeWashburne · 21/05/2018 07:31

YABU- I’d say get out your diary and call the babysitter to book her in for any upcoming events early.

It’s not fair for your babysitter to sit around and give you right of first refusal because you hired her first. Unless you have already agreed to pay her, you can’t be cross when she gets booked up.

Original poster
lill72 · 21/05/2018 07:32

We've had her for 4 years and she has always been available when I've needed- now suddenly she isn't because of my Fri. So yes this is annoying given I wasn't asked - think it is really uncaring of my friend to consider my feelings. Nothing to do with the babysitter of course she can do what she likes but this is not really what this is about.

OP posts:
Original poster
lill72 · 21/05/2018 07:35

Because of my friend that mean to read. I don't want to be in a bun fight now to get my regular babysitter. If my friend had bee. More courteous and asked me it would have made a huge difference

OP posts:
MrsCrabbyTree · 21/05/2018 07:35

I can see why it is frustrating you but in reality the only thing you can do is - not snooze - get in first.

Original poster
lill72 · 21/05/2018 07:36

Psycho - but isn't it cheeky of my friend not to ask me if I might be using my regular babysitter on a night we both have a group event?!

OP posts:
emmaluvseeyore · 21/05/2018 07:40

I’m a babysitter and often incredibly busy. I babysit for 2 friends and occasionally have them both try and book me on the same day if they’re doing stuff together. I just go with whoever contacts me first. You just need to book further in advance!

Psychobabble123 · 21/05/2018 07:41

If its a group event you are both going to the babysitter can look after all the children, surely?!
Get your diary out and book ahead several nights out with the sitter then you know you are sorted. This is what I do as my babysitter is also popular. Problem solved.

Herculesupatree · 21/05/2018 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lill72 · 21/05/2018 07:43

Emma - yes agree with this . Just thought my friend may have asked me if it was ok to start using my regular babysitter. A good friend would care about not stepping on others toes though suspect she is not really the friend I thought she was.

OP posts:
Antigonads · 21/05/2018 07:46

Definitely cheeky.

ZoeWashburne · 21/05/2018 07:46

The babysitter and your friend arent mind readers. How are they to know you wanted to book her. I’m sure you have booked her at some point when an older client wanted to book her. Of course it’s first come first serve! Just book her now.

If you want regular Friday babysitting, you need to make that arrangement and pay accordingly.

Original poster
lill72 · 21/05/2018 07:48

Hercalu - I dud get in touch with her and explain. She says she thought as my babysitter has a sister and cousin I also use that I had heaps of babysitters to call upon. But that is not really relevant. This girl is my main babysitter and I was not asked. She says she didn't even think about it when she knew there was a group event - I don't believe her. Just think she doesn't care.

OP posts:
Original poster
lill72 · 21/05/2018 07:51

Zoe - no but if we have a group event would it be safe to assume I'd be wanting my babysitter? Wouldn't it be nice to ask me at least? My friend has a regular babysitter but het kids now like mine better

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 21/05/2018 07:53

Honestly yes you're being unreasonable and she's done nothing wrong.
Clearly she was struggling to find a good babysitter hence asking you if you knew anybody.
She clearly trusts the sitter, thinks she does a good job, charges an agreeable rate etc.
You don't have a monopoly on the sitter, if it happens to be an event where you both need a sitter, then whoever contacts her first, presuming she isn't busy, gets her. What do you expect the sitter to do, turn down your friend or tell her maybe, on the off chance you're going to need her the same night? She's doing it for the money, she will take a booking when she can get it, first come first served.
Honestly, if you were this precious about having to possibly share her in future if your friend liked her, you shouldn't have given your friend her details.
Your friend isn't cheeky, or inconsiderate or uncaring, shes just wanting some child free time and calling on someone she trusts her kids with. If she calls first, then tough on you, find someone else.

TaytoAllDay · 21/05/2018 07:53

Defo Cheeky, book in advance

Original poster
lill72 · 21/05/2018 07:55

This 'friend' has done a few shady things and this is just another. I'm not going to let her ruin a nice little arrangement I have- she is not worth it. I would have asked if it was ok - guess we have different ways of doing things. I just don't trust her anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
lill72 · 21/05/2018 07:56

Almost - she has a regular babysitter!!! She has had no probs getting nannies in the past etc. Asking me would have been polite no?? I though it was a one off

OP posts:
ZoeWashburne · 21/05/2018 07:57

Surely if it was a group event you received your invite at the same time. You can’t be cross that she booked her immediately. Chalk this up to getting your act together and booking earlier.

This is a babysitter, not a nanny. You don’t have a ‘retainer’ where they are salaries through you and you can interfere with how she does her job.

expatinscotland · 21/05/2018 07:58

Maybe she pays her more than you do. You don't own the sitter. She decides whom to work for. Perhaps your friend is the better client.

Original poster
lill72 · 21/05/2018 07:58

Almost - do not feel sorry for this mun. She has a perfectly good babysitter. She has no trouble getting nannies. This is not the issue. Asking me is the issue.

OP posts:
ZoeWashburne · 21/05/2018 07:58

All I can say is if I heard someone I babysat for felt they could control who and how I practiced my business by requiring potential clients to ask her permission before booking me, I would never, ever work for them again.