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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel miffed by babysitter saga!!!

60 replies

lill72 · 21/05/2018 07:24

My friend couldn't get a babysitter so asked me for mine. I organised it. I thought it was a one off. Since then, there's been a few group events and she's been using my babysitter on these same nights when I need her! Wouldn't it have been courteous to ask me if it was Ok?? When I got little upset about - her reply was you snooze you lose. She claims she thought it was ok to keep asking her and a misunderstanding. I think she just didnt care. But now she has me into the bad guy. Goodness you try and do someone a favour and now I just feel used. What would you say?

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 21/05/2018 07:58

I think your friend is being a chancer.

Original poster
lill72 · 21/05/2018 08:00

Expatin - she does not pay more and lives further away.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 21/05/2018 08:02

Yes, the friend is perfectly entitled to book any babysitter she likes. However, just because you can do something doesn’t mean that you should.

For an event where she knows the OP will need her usual sitter, she should be book her or should at least check first. It is basic manners.

SoupDragon · 21/05/2018 08:03

Should be = shouldn’t

Anniegetyourgun · 21/05/2018 08:03

YANBU to be miffed. Friend asked you for an introduction to your babysitter as a favour and is now repaying that very badly. I agree with pp the babysitter hasn't done anything wrong as it's fair to go with whoever books you first, but "if you snooze you lose" is such a heartless response when she only has the contact details thanks to you. Well, you know not to do her any favours again - ever.

Worth a word with the babysitter about having first refusal in future? Are you a good enough customer that it's reasonable to ask? If I were the sitter I'd rather have an honest, long-standing customer than a cheeky fucker any day, but it depends how she/he is placed for business I suppose.

Original poster
lill72 · 21/05/2018 08:03

Primal - a chancer indeed - good way of putting it.

She knows what she is doing but is feigning ignorance. In the past she's offered me her nanny but then said don't steal her if I need her!! She knows what she is doing trust me it is very under handed. A good friend would at the least discuss the situation with me.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 21/05/2018 08:05

So if she’d asked you first- which seems to be the crux of your issue- you would have told her to go ahead? I’m sorry, but whilst I agree it’s a bit cheeky- the babysitter and your friend are as entitled to each other as you are. You’ve said that there are other options with this babysitters family- can you not start to rely on them? Did your friend pinching the babysitter stop you attending any of the joint nights out?

YearOfYouRemember · 21/05/2018 08:06

The snooze you lose comment would piss me off more than anything and make me convinced my "friend" was a selfish cow.

Lethaldrizzle · 21/05/2018 08:07

Yanbu. She is not 'Your babysitter' but you put in the effort to find her and employ her, finding a good reliable local babysitter can be a right faff, they can be like gold dust.. Your friend should have done her own leg work and found her own person. She is a cf

odig · 21/05/2018 08:07

It's lack of manners OP, some people just don't put any importance on playing nicely.

NewPapaGuinea · 21/05/2018 08:09

Why can’t people get the point that the issue is the “friend” poached her babysitter and not that the babysitter is doing the work? Yes, I think the friend has been shitty and should have offered you the courtesy of checking with you first.

tinybump18 · 21/05/2018 08:11

She definitely isn't 'your' babysitter. Unless you have a contract with her then there's nothing you can do or have the right to be annoyed tbh!

Original poster
lill72 · 21/05/2018 08:13

Soup Dragon- yes it is basic manners.

Annie - yes I gave her the number as a favour when she was stuck. Wasnt really supposed to be an ongoing thing. When she booked her at an event we were both at a few weeks back I sort of mentioned that I was a little unhappy she hadn't asked me, then even after this she did it again. She knew what she was doing.

I feel very used and now she is claiming ignorance. I don't buy it.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 21/05/2018 08:14

I agree that it was impolite for her not to have asked you if you minded her contacting your usual babysitter.
But now that you mention You also use the babysitters sister and cousin, I think your argument loses a little strength. It's not as though she's aware she's using your only babysitting service. Just your preferred one.

Happinesss · 21/05/2018 08:15

I don’t see a problem.

She’s not your babysitter, you don’t own her and can’t dictate who she works for.

Your friend doesn’t have to message you and ask is it ok if I book her Confused

The fact you feel used is pathetic to be honest.

Eatsleepworkrepeat · 21/05/2018 08:15

I can understand why you're annoyed OP, this is so annoying. However, I don't get what you mean by your friend asking you first, I mean what are you going to say? If she asked, you'd want to say no, so really what you're annoyed about is her using your babysitter when you don't want her to.

Happinesss · 21/05/2018 08:15

You also have other babysitters you can use so why are you making a big issue over nothing?

slowlywiltingpetal · 21/05/2018 08:16

She sounds like a delightful friend!

If anyone is helped came out with you snooze you lose, I certainly would think about going NC for a while.

I know some will say bla bla first come first serve. But it's hard to get a babysitter these days, unlike when I was young, since I was studious I effectively became a Nanny at 13. Did wonders for my growing body carrying a baby 5 nights a week.

In them days it was, well she's studious and looks sensible, she'll do.

One gig even provided alcohol when I was 15. I wasn't really a caring kind of girl so poured it down the sink. (One can)

Seriously YANBU, your friend sounds delightful.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 21/05/2018 08:17

No good deed goes unpunished.

OP I don't think YABU - I think your friend is rude and selfish. I would actually feel guilty if it were me but she doesn't seem to have any qualms.

I learnt long ago never to do things like this. I also never recommend my plumber or electrician or decorator because if I've learnt that if I do that, they are must less likely to be available for me if I need them.

When did you last give the babysitter a pay rise? Perhaps nows the time, and she'll be more inclined to work for you rather than your friend then.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 21/05/2018 08:19

I completely understand why you’re pissed off. I’m a bit petty so would end up overly bothered by this and racing to book the babysitter first. I would also start paying her more in the hope that she’d prefer working for me.
I need to grow up.

diddl · 21/05/2018 08:22

" think it is really uncaring of my friend to consider my feelings. "

Perhaps you could also argue that the babysitter could check with you?

You can't expect your friend to ask for permission for someone else to do paid work for her!

timeisnotaline · 21/05/2018 08:27

It’s nothing to do with the babysitter, and the op is very clear on that. The friend is pretty cheeky. All the people wondering how the friend is supposed to mindread that the op might want her babysitter that night seem completely unable to understand the concept of the group has organised a night out. I’d organise the next night out with a couple of the group, book the babysitter then update everyone :) But the op has been warned and no more favours for this friend!

Petalflowers · 21/05/2018 08:31

You don’t own the babysitter and the babysitter is allowed to work for whoever she wants. If friend books her first, then she is bound to accept that offer of work first.

yikesanotherbooboo · 21/05/2018 08:39

I wouldn't do this but i don't think friend or babysitter have done anything wrong. This is how babysitters get work after all, recommendation.
It is a bit irritating at worst and not worth your headspace imo.

readyforapummelling · 21/05/2018 08:40

Could you not pool yours and your friends children together and the babysitter watch them all when you have a conflicting night out?

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