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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sick baby-childcare

66 replies

Fishoutofbowl · 24/04/2018 23:10

Have any of you had a student doing before/after school childcare for you if you work odd hours? Would you expect them to work additional hours if your child was sick? Would you pay extra for this?

OP posts:

Original poster

Fishoutofbowl · 24/04/2018 23:12

Not relevant that it's a student really, sorry!

OP posts:

MacaroniPenguin · 24/04/2018 23:14

I haven't, but of course you couldn't expect someone to work extra if their child were sick. You might ask nicely but they're under no obligation. And yes of course you'd pay them IF they chose to do the extra hours.

Are you the student in this scenario?

MacaroniPenguin · 24/04/2018 23:16

*the child, not their child

firstworldproblems2018 · 24/04/2018 23:16

Depends on the arrangement. If it’s ad hoc occasional childcare you can’t expect them to be available to suddenly do a days childcare, for example.

If they are available, I would pay my normal hourly rate. But again, if you tell them your DC is sick, they might not want to help, and if they are literally an ad hoc babysitter they’d be well within their rights to say so (different if a proper nanny etc)

Ellendegeneres · 24/04/2018 23:19

Sorry op but your post isn’t very clear to me. But if I were your babysitter and you asked me to care for your sick kid I’d say no- I don’t need the loss of income when I catch it or to pass to my own family would be my response

Original poster

Fishoutofbowl · 24/04/2018 23:36

Sorry, I'm the babysitter here. I wasn't available, but was asked to rearrange my other work, and if I could take the baby with me, yesterday.
Today I was left with no choice but to cover as the baby couldn't go to nursery as had vomiting bug but the dad wouldn't take a day off work.
He took an extended lunch so I could go to a meeting in the middle of the day, didn't thank me. When he went to pay me he deducted this lunch break, which I said I felt was a little unfair as I literally rushed to the uni then came back, rescheduled everything except this one meeting. He then made a comment about how they pay me over the agreed hourly rate. The hourly rate was agreed in September for very ad hoc babysitting, I do very awkward hours for them now, and thought that this was the reason for the increase.
To be honestly it's still less that the going rate that they would have to pay a nanny ( and i am qualified and experienced, I just can't commit to a nanny role with uni). He is late every day and when you divide hours out considering that, the extra money is minimal, I massively resent the implication that I should be grateful but don't know if I'm being over sensitive

OP posts:

Original poster

Fishoutofbowl · 24/04/2018 23:39

Sorry don't know if that makes sense. They pay me a flat rate of say £100 pounds which divided by hours works out at (slightly, given how late he is) more than the hourly rate we agreed when I started. The hourly rate is low, which i agreed to, but I assumed this slight extra was to compensate for flexibility

OP posts:

Original poster

Fishoutofbowl · 24/04/2018 23:39

Arggh not flexibility sorry, the awkwardness of he hours

OP posts:

MacaroniPenguin · 24/04/2018 23:42

No, for most of us sick child means parent takes time off, unless you're lucky to have grandparents able to help. Only exception would be if you're paying a nanny. Absolutely unreasonable to expect an ad hoc carer to step into the breach unless you were on a retainer IMO.

I think this is one of those situations where the more you accommodate, the more your employer takes you for granted and the less appreciated you are. Personally I have only successfully addressed this by finding a new employer. You're not being oversensitive, from what you've said it sounds to me that he is being completely unreasonable.

Eliza9917 · 24/04/2018 23:44

Why did you have no choice because he wouldn't take the day off? Surely if you'd have said no he would have been the one with no choice. He sounds like a pisstaker.

RB68 · 24/04/2018 23:46

They are taking the mickey whatever rate they pay. You don't have to be available, they are guilt tripping you. Personally I would go back and just say its not working out - there will be plenty of other willing takers I am sure

HPandBaconSandwiches · 24/04/2018 23:53

Of course you had a choice.

You are allowing him to treat you as if he is your parent and you a child. He doesn’t own you! He can ask and you can say no. Him having no other alternative is not your concern.

Learn about your rights as an employee, or you’ll be pushed around your whole working life.
Learn polite assertiveness. That doesn’t work for me. I’m unable to help in this case. I sympathise but I’m already engaged elsewhere.
Loads of people would love a before and after school babysitter. Find a new employer and sort a decent wage to begin with.

Good luck OP. YANBU but no one else is going to stand up for you.

Original poster

Fishoutofbowl · 24/04/2018 23:57

I just feel so disrespected and under appreciated- he literally didn't even thank me- just a cursory "cheers". Thanks for the reassurance that I'm not being oversensitive- I am over qualified for this job, but I know that's not their problem so I think sometimes I overcompensate by accepting whatever they offer.
I felt I had no choice because he wasn't going to take the day off and said "if you can't do it he'll have to go to nursery", I have to bring the child to nursery and there is no way they would have accepted a vomiting child who couldn't keep water down. I said as much and he said again that he couldn't take time off.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fishoutofbowl · 25/04/2018 00:00

His job is important, and I think in the moment I have no comeback when he says that. Obviously in the short term it's more inconvenient for him to take a day off his high powered role than for me to miss uni, but it's not my baby

OP posts:

strongerthan · 25/04/2018 00:20

Your brave! I wouldn't look after anyone else's vomiting child apart from my own.

I bet you get the sickness bug now.

Whilst his job is important, I assume his child is too!?!

He would send his vomiting baby to nursery so all the other children get it AND staff.

2 words. Fucking Wanker!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/04/2018 00:24

Why would you have to take the baby to nursery? Surely you could decline to look after the baby at all? It sounds like the boundaries are very blurred. He sounds like a prick.

AornisHades · 25/04/2018 00:25

His job is important to his family unit. Not you. If they pay you treble time to cover for ad hoc important job then it may be important to you. Otherwise it has no benefit to you.
If they want you on standby they need to pay you a retainer.

SilverBirchTree · 25/04/2018 00:28

OP, I think you should stop working for them. They are taking advantage of you.

Tell them this isn’t working anymore. If you’re interested in renegotiating the terms then try, but otherwise ditch them.

New terms for this family or the next could include:

Time and a half pay for late/early hours. Right now there is no incentive for him to be on time - he’s getting free additional childcare

If it’s a casual arrangement- then no minding contagious children while they are sick.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 25/04/2018 00:34

So if Dad couldn't take time off what about Mum?

Isetan · 25/04/2018 00:46

He’s taking the proverbial and you’re letting him. His job is not more important than your course/ other commitments or his child. At the moment you’re enabling his selfishness by being so compliant. He sounds like a self important manipulative dick, it’s time to move on without a backwards glance.

MumsGoneToIceland · 25/04/2018 04:30

I think you need to address this with the parent(s) now otherwise yesterday’s arrangement will set a precedent. Tell him that in future, if their child is sick, you cannot miss uni and can’t cover and that you also won’t take an obviously sick child to nursery, he will need to take time off.

YimminiYoudar · 25/04/2018 05:25

You are being exploited in this employment. I would be seeking alternate employment in your situation. You are not a slave and you do not have any obligation to this family. Resign.

Notonthestairs · 25/04/2018 05:40

Are there two parents? One takes a day off when their child is sick.

I know plenty of men and women with "important" jobs and children and they've all at one time or another had to take a day off for sick kids.

And you don't have to take a sick child to nursery - why isn't he doing that??

I can see why you thought this is job is a good fit for your university hours but I don't think he/they sound like good employers. And it's not going to change.
Resign. They will be somebody else out there who will need the same sort of childcare AND will respect what you do.

Notonthestairs · 25/04/2018 05:42

By the way you are acting like a nanny without the benefit of actually getting paid or treated like a nanny. You are not on call. Ad hoc hours doesn't have to mean any hours.

Notonthestairs · 25/04/2018 05:44

I also meant to say a sick child shouldn't be going near a nursery (and should be turned away if presented). I'll shut up now

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