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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sick baby-childcare

66 replies

Fishoutofbowl · 24/04/2018 23:10

Have any of you had a student doing before/after school childcare for you if you work odd hours? Would you expect them to work additional hours if your child was sick? Would you pay extra for this?

OP posts:

Thishatisnotmine · 25/04/2018 05:49

It sounds like they have found a very nice arrangement for their childcare which comes from.you being taken advantage of. If you can afford to lose the income for a bit then give your notice and find something better. If the regular service you offee is nursery drop offs I don't think you will struggle to find something else.

babydreamer1 · 25/04/2018 05:54

That's ridiculous OP. I did the same role throughout uni and was classed as a paid and employed nanny with all families, I received £10 per hour net, although this was 5/6 years ago so I would expect you to be earning slightly more. I provided a contract which stated that I would work only at my discretion in the case of the child having D&V in case I was near any final deadlines, exams or holidays. Inconsiderate parents are the worst, get yourself on the childcare websites and find a better family to work for, their is plenty of demand for good nannies/babysitters.

trojanpony · 25/04/2018 06:52

Your “employer” is a dick

I’d be telling him that in those words and then finding a new job!

What he is done is beyond unfair he bloody lunch hour probably paid so he didn’t lose anything
They have a sweet set up going here...Less than market rate, turns up late, docking your wages....

People are crying out for affordable child care find someone else - if you need the cash keep working but start actively searching (right now! Today!)

TittyGolightly · 25/04/2018 07:00

Learn about your rights as an employee, or you’ll be pushed around your whole working life.

We don’t know whether the OP is an employee.

Original poster

Fishoutofbowl · 25/04/2018 07:19

Thanks for replies everyone. I have been thinking about this all night, and I think I need to leave. I had agreed to finish up in June when my exams end, but if I wanted to leave before then, do people think there is a polite way to do that while remaining the "bigger person", as it were. I don't have a contract.

I'm not working there today, and was thinking of drafting a text to the effect that we need to talk about when I'm next in, but I'm leaving as soon as they find someone new? I can't seem to phrase it in a way that seems reasonable.

OP posts:

TittyGolightly · 25/04/2018 07:25

I don't have a contract

How does your work get arranged and who is paying your tax and NI?

TittyGolightly · 25/04/2018 07:26

I'm leaving as soon as they find someone new

No no no no no.

LittleBearPad · 25/04/2018 07:26

I would simply say that ‘from x date you won’t be available and they will have to arrange alternative care from then on’

They sound a nightmare.

LIZS · 25/04/2018 07:31

Just decline any future requests, presumably you have exams coming up. I'm not sure why you felt so obliged to rearrange your day. If the hours are regular, like daily before and after school, then you are an employee and should be paid, liable to pay tax and ni and your employer meet statutory obligations such as holiday pay. Do you live in?

Knitjob · 25/04/2018 07:38

I would just say "from x day I will not be available any more". If you want to soften it a bit give a reason that you are needing more time for uni work and that has to be your priority.

Or you could say "I am unhappy with what happened yesterday. I had plans I had to change at very short notice. Going forward I would like all hours to be agreed 24/48 hours in advance."
That gives them the chance to make a change if they want you to stay. But still leaves you open to situations like this where you are left literally holding the baby.
That was really unfair. Does the mum know this happened? She might be really angry with how the dad handled it. Or she might be equally cheeky.
Honestly, if I didn't need the money I would just leave.

MacaroniPenguin · 25/04/2018 07:41

Absolutely not. There is no way they'll go looking for a replacement until they are forced to. Give them a reasonable notice period, after which time you are no longer available.

PP is right, it sounds like the parent is pushing you into a parent-child dynamic. You are both adults, you need to engage "adult mode" and stick with it. Every time he addresses you in '"parent mode" - trying to push you into "child", you respond in an adult-adult way, as if you were in a business meeting. That will hopefully force him out of parent - child dynamic that he wants into an adult - adult, equal respect mode that you want. Sorry for the pop psychology, but it's something I found really helpful when I was starting work. You can google for more background.

If you are really sure you want to quit then I think you text that you'd like to discuss arrangements going forward. Then you say your piece (politely but honestly) and hand over a written note stating you will no longer be available from x date. Be prepared for them to throw their toys out of the pram and decide not to give you any work from that point on though.

TittyGolightly · 25/04/2018 07:52

We need to know what the nature of the employment relationship is before we can advise how the OP should handle this.

Self employed, she can just withdraw. If an employee it’s not that simple.

ememem84 · 25/04/2018 07:58

Leave. And don’t wait until they find someone else.

LannieDuck · 25/04/2018 08:01

This has made me wonder - what does a nursery do if a parent literally refuses to come pick up their sick kid?

If you have a good relationship with the nursery staff, I was wondering if you could explain the position, and ask them to accept the child then call their emergency contact lists to get child collected. (I don't know if they would agree to that...), but it made me wonder - what do nurseries / schools do when parents refuse to collect?

The sick child is his parents' responsibility, not yours. If you have plans for the day, you don't need to change them if you don't want to - the parent does (regardless of how 'important' his job is). He's massively taking the piss, and I agree with others that you should leave before your exams start.

UnicornRainbowColours · 25/04/2018 08:03

I’ve been a nanny for 10 years coming up and I’ve never refused to care for a sick child or asked for xtra money to do so. Part of providing home care is the convenience of having care even when your child is sick etc.

SD1978 · 25/04/2018 08:06

They didn’t. And you do anything- Lou chose to rearrange your day around their day. If you feel the rate and hours aren’t working for you, then you send the mother a message and tell her you’re too busy to continue the arrangement, done. There is no contract. You are seriously overthinking this.

Original poster

Fishoutofbowl · 25/04/2018 08:07

Ok thanks. Hours and days are the same every week, but they often need extra to what's prearranged as dads hours are long and mum works away (for eg. I normally do after school to 7pm (Always later) 2-3 days a week, last night the dad was home at 10pm. This had been prearranged.) so I'm sure I should have a contract and be paying tax, but they pay me in cash so avoid this issue.

Does a months notice seem like the minimum?

OP posts:

SD1978 · 25/04/2018 08:07

Made no sense. They didn’t make you do the extra babysitting, you chose to.

Beckywiththebadhair · 25/04/2018 08:09

I'd give them until the end of the week.

Eatalot · 25/04/2018 08:12

**This has made me wonder - what does a nursery do if a parent literally refuses to come pick up their sick kid?

They could phone social services and or the police and report an abandoned child.

Palegreenstars · 25/04/2018 08:12

I would give them two weeks notice today. Don’t make up a reason.

Email so there’s no confusion. Dear X, I’d like to confirm I will no long be available for childcare after Y. I wish you the best in making alternative arrangements.

You may find it helpful to confirm with future prospects the following out of the ordinary expactions

regular unpaid unexplained lateness

-expectation to prioritise the job over other commitments -expectation to be on call -expectation to look after infectious child

lower than average salary

-no over time / unsociable hours pay

Bearing in mind the above I’m sure you can appreciate my next request to have my notice be with immediate effect if at all possible

Original poster

Fishoutofbowl · 25/04/2018 08:13

unicorn are you not a full time nanny though? I would never refuse if it was prearranged that I'd work all day, which is different to what I'm saying.

To others, I know I don't have to give notice but it seems bad form on my part to drop them like that without an explanation.

OP posts:

ThereIsAlwaysDrama · 25/04/2018 08:16

You don't have a contract, you don't owe them any notice. If they kick up a stink, tell them you'll be forwarding an invoice for extra charges for all the times they were late.

TittyGolightly · 25/04/2018 08:18

There is an implied contract.

How often are you paid?

Original poster

Fishoutofbowl · 25/04/2018 08:25

SD1978 I know I chose to, but I felt really pushed into it, as I knew the nursery wouldn't take the (screaming, roasting, vomiting) baby. What I should have done, I suppose was take the baby and call him when they turned me away but it seemed like additional conflict given he would have already been at work by then.
Titty, I'm paid weekly

OP posts:

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