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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aaah. Frustrated by friend

66 replies

Longdriveahead · 21/04/2018 03:58

Ok, so don’t have much money at moment and have to spend wisely. Have a nice friend who does have more disposable income, ie, already has 5 mini breaks to look forward to. Anyway asked me several weeks ago to join her and her partner on an evening out, tickets approx £80 plus train tickets so all in about £100.
Rang me again today to ask again if I would like to go, I agreed. She then said she would book tickets which she did and I transferred money straight into her bank account. All good so far!
Now 12 hrs later I pick up a message saying saying sorry ‘we can’t go, forgot about another commitment’.
So I have payed out for tickets to go to something which I wouldn’t have done ( there’s only so many times I can say no to invitations out with her without sounding like a misery ). Of course I don’t expect her to pay for our tickets but it is a niche outing specific to her tastes and i’m cross at the casual text . No apology just ‘oh , we can’t go now, maybe you can find someone to take our place’. Am I being unreasonable to feel annoyed because I could have spent the money on something less frivolous.

OP posts:
whattookyousolong · 21/04/2018 04:01

No you're not being unreasonable. What a dick!!!!

Some people just have no consideration for other people's financial situations. I would be really pissed off

whattookyousolong · 21/04/2018 04:02

No you're not being unreasonable. What a dick!!!!

Some people just have no consideration for other people's financial situations. I would be really pissed off

Copperbonnet · 21/04/2018 04:05

Tbh in those circumstances I’d be paying you back for the ticket if I was your friend.

supercalifragilisticexpiali · 21/04/2018 04:20

That’s awful. You said you paid for “tickets”, did you buy more than one?

Is she offering you the other tickets, her and her partners, for free? If so, maybe you could sell all the tickets, get your money back and refund the difference to her, or take the hit and split 50:50.

She really should be offering to reimburse you though.

Original poster
Longdriveahead · 21/04/2018 04:39

No, she’s suggesting I can find a couple to buy the tickets off them! Really missing the point. Unlikely to find another couple as it is niche and was already in my opinion overpriced. And to be honest not really my problem. My problem is i’m Stuck with tickets . Now i’ve got them we’ll go on our own and i’ll try not to think off the school trip it could have paid for. Plus I’ve had to use up a valuable days holiday, I only get 4 Saturdays a year from work. Not worth losing a friendship over but an apology would have been nice or some show of embarrassment. I Shouldn’t dave let myself be talked into going really.

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 21/04/2018 04:42

SHE needs to find someone to buy the tickets! What a cheek!

Original poster
Longdriveahead · 21/04/2018 04:42

Sorry super, two tickets that come to the £80 plus train tickets. Probably not a lot to some but tis to me.

OP posts:
CiderwithBuda · 21/04/2018 04:44

Try and sell th tickets on yourself?

Shadow666 · 21/04/2018 04:49

That's awful. Why on earth don't you call her on it?

Can you not get a refund on the train tickets?

TERFragetteCity · 21/04/2018 04:57

Sell them on twickets. cancel the train ticket. Well, actually - get her to do it.

SilverBirchTree · 21/04/2018 04:59

If I’d done that I would give you the tickets I didn’t need in the hope you’d find someone to go with.

Cancelling & expecting you to sell her tickets for her is beyond rude

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/04/2018 05:02

"Dont worry, we all double book sometimes, just let me have the money back asap"

You have accepted them making this your problem, why? Bat it right back at them! This was their fuck up so they should suck up any lost cost.

PastaOfMuppets · 21/04/2018 05:07

If you didn't want to go, why did you say yes?

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/04/2018 05:37

I agree with Pyongyang. Very good response. Let her take the financial hit. If she comes back make it clear you only agreed because you would be going with her.

greendale17 · 21/04/2018 05:46

Now i’ve got them we’ll go on our own and i’ll try not to think off the school trip it could have paid for. Plus I’ve had to use up a valuable days holiday, I only get 4 Saturdays a year from work.

^You obviously didn’t really want to go so why did you agree to go in the first place?

BetterEatCheese · 21/04/2018 06:18

Doesn't sound like much of a friend - pushing you into something you don't want to do, taking your money, putting the onus on you to make it right, no apology - maybe it is worth losing a friend over.

She sounds controlling and disrespectful.

pasturesgreen · 21/04/2018 06:34

Not worth losing a friendship over

I'm not sure I'd want to go on being friends with someone who treated me like that. She has behaved without consideration for you, and I think you should call her out on it. Real friends don't land each other in the shit like she did with you.

Original poster
Longdriveahead · 21/04/2018 06:54

I agreed to go as friendships are a two way street and she really wanted to go and had asked me more than once. I felt bad for saying no ( as I have done before) . As I said I will still go, brought tickets now but just resentful at the way it played out. Feel a bit silly and cross with myself.

OP posts:
PastaOfMuppets · 21/04/2018 07:19

If you continue to do things you don't actually want to do, she might think you in fact enjoy the same activities, hence her asking twice. Did you give a clear no the first time she asked? Do you tell her how you feel or expect her to guess?

Original poster
Longdriveahead · 21/04/2018 07:25

No generally I am very good at saying no. This time I relented cos she was so keen . I ddn’t Feel I had to have the whole ‘feelings’ conversation with her as I didn’t expect her to bail so quickly. . I expected her to behave with integrity. I’m not stupid but I am trusting and I am nice. R

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 21/04/2018 07:29

I wouldn't be planning anything with her again. And she should be dealing with the tickets, not you.

Shadow666 · 21/04/2018 07:34

But you’re entitled to your feelings. So, I think you are entitled to send back a message letting her know how ticked off you are about the whole thing. People pull this shit because no one calls them on it.

Something like “Thats really annoying. We were only really going along to keep you company. Can you get a refund on the tickets and just send us back our money?”

PalePinkSwan · 21/04/2018 07:44

Really think you should point out to her that she’s being inconsiderate, she may not have thought it through.

So something like “Bit shocked by your text tbh. We only bought the tickets as it’s something you wanted to do and we wanted to see you. It’s not something we’d normally spend money on, especially when times are tight, and I don’t know anybody who would like to buy your tickets from you. Can you get a refund on all the tickets?”

I think that’s polite, bats the problem back to her, nd makes clear that she’s being a dick.

summerinthecountry · 21/04/2018 07:47

I would absolutely make this her problem op.

You have only agreed because she wanted to go, so I would definitely be telling her that she needs to organise the resell/refund of the tickets and she can then refund you. You can put it nicely. Just say it is a shame you can't all go, once you she has sorted out the tickets please can she send the money back to your account.

I would never ever organise anything with her like this again. Flakey friends cost you dearly.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 21/04/2018 07:48

”Thats really annoying. We were only really going along to keep you company.”

^this^

followed by

“can you send me £xx please (tickets and train). Sorry but I can’t afford to just write this off.”