Aaah. Frustrated by friend

[Longdriveahead]

Ok, so don’t have much money at moment and have to spend wisely. Have a nice friend who does have more disposable income, ie, already has 5 mini breaks to look forward to. Anyway asked me several weeks ago to join her and her partner on an evening out, tickets approx £80 plus train tickets so all in about £100.
Rang me again today to ask again if I would like to go, I agreed. She then said she would book tickets which she did and I transferred money straight into her bank account. All good so far!
Now 12 hrs later I pick up a message saying saying sorry ‘we can’t go, forgot about another commitment’.
So I have payed out for tickets to go to something which I wouldn’t have done ( there’s only so many times I can say no to invitations out with her without sounding like a misery ). Of course I don’t expect her to pay for our tickets but it is a niche outing specific to her tastes and i’m cross at the casual text . No apology just ‘oh , we can’t go now, maybe you can find someone to take our place’. Am I being unreasonable to feel annoyed because I could have spent the money on something less frivolous.

Just RTFT and kind of agree with PP that she should just get you a refund if I really don't want to go. And if u go that route just ask like is the natural thing eg "oh dear pls send back the money when u her refund"
As example I recently booked a spa day plus lunch with a friend but was too sick to go on the day
Rather than cancel and her miss out I asked her to take a friend or her husband and I paid for them to go with her in my place as it was the right thing to do
Also the short turn around is so weird- u bought tix and she cancelled within 24 hrs? Annoying you'd already paid her for your tix
Live and learn OP horrid as it is

Drop her a note. Say "real shame you guys can't go...tbh I only booked as you'd initiated it. I'm not asking for you to refund, but have to say I can ill afford the 80 quid out of pocket right now.....he ho"

I'm actually wondering if the friend set the OP up.

In other words, they bought these tickets, realised they couldn't go, so looked for some mug to sell them onto. As the OP said, it's a niche thing so hard to sell on tickets. I know the OP says they are well off, but there's no one as tight as someone well off in my opinion.

It would explain why the friend was so pushy to get the OP to buy the tickets then turned round and said they couldn't go as soon as the OP paid.

Might be off the mark though, but I'd be extremely wary of trusting these people again.

It is odd. If the OP hadn’t said her “friend” was loaded, I would have thought it was a scam!

Well off people can take money for granted and not realise that these tickets caused you to be deprived of other nice things.

Spell it out for them

I'm well off and I'd be seriously peed off if a "friend" did that to me.

I would think most folk - except the mega rich maybe - would understand that you can't take £80 off your friends to go to something and then drop out less than 12 hrs later and - even worse - expect your friend to eat the cost of your tickets as well.

Any update OP?

Awful behaviour. Regardless of how affordable it is. Flakey friends like that, are just not worth the effort sometimes.

I'd be honest with her.....its really not great of her to let you down like that, especially knowing you get 4 Saturday's off a year! It sounds like the power balance in your relationship isn't quite right.

A friend who pulled stunts like that wouldn’t be a friend for long - I have no time for flaky or rude people and she sounds like both!

She didn’t forget about another commitment. She got a better offer.

This is spot on I’m afraid OP. You’re the backup friend. I double booked myself for tomorrow; a friend’s birthday lunch which I agreed to ages ago, and then a few weeks ago I agreed to go and support a friend’s husband with her in the London marathon. It was MY error. I’ve jiggled a few things round so I can go to both. I know that both of those friends would do the same for me.

I know how it feels to be in your position; it’s not very nice.

I understand, having been a lot more broke than I am now, I did used to spend money going to events when the real purpose, the real value of the event was to MAINTAIN THE FRIENDSHIP

Going on your own to an overpriced event that sucks up your spare budget and isn't even sociable is totally different.

'Not worth losing a friendship over but an apology would have been nice or some show of embarrassment. I Shouldn’t dave let myself be talked into going really.'

Yes it is because this isn't a friendship. This person is a CF and a twat who dumped you for a better offer. Sell your tickets, cancel the train. Fuck her. I'd never arrange to meet up with her again.

She needs to pay you back or find someone to go with you.

Whatabugashoo - I don't think that the "friend" has the option of finding someone to go with OP. No way I'd be going to an event I didn't particularly fancy with someone that I didn't really know or plan to spend time with.

she isn't a nice friend to do something like this to you, I would send one of the messages that others have suggested telling her you were only going because she really wanted to, say you could do with the money and asking if there is a chance of a refund

the decent thing for her to do would be to refund you - either from her own pocket or her own effort at selling them on.