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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unlucky towel drop or something more sinister?

104 replies

BringBiscuits · 05/04/2018 23:36

My dd and her friend went swimming today (10 and 11). They came home laughing about the ‘poor old man’ who was in the changing rooms and ‘accidentally’ dropped his towel. They were in the showers and the changing cubicles are accessed from the shower area. (Male and female mixed). According to them he didn’t rush to pick up the towel and they saw ‘everything’. Most worrying is that he had winked at my daughter before this happened.
Thankfully they think the whole incident is hilarious and are completely believe it was put bad luck for the poor old man to drop his towel. AIBU to think this guy is a dirty old pervert who has deliberately flashed at two pre teen girls?

OP posts:
8SaltandVinegar · 06/04/2018 02:27

Reminds me of when I was young. We lived beside the beach and had a swimming area with platform/seating area.

An old man got out of the water and sat down on the cement seats. I'm not joking when I say the yoke hanging down between his legs (obviously intentionally) was the size of an adult arm. Me and all my friends were horrified and quickly got changed and left.

TinyRick · 06/04/2018 02:47

At least they laughed at him though - rather than being shocked/scared - I bet that pissed on his bonfire

Wouldn't be too hasty in that assumption. There are men who get off from humiliation from women/girls Hmm

MistressDeeCee · 06/04/2018 07:00

quizqueen it doesn't sound like this was a Girls/Women only changing room?

But if it was then yeah you're right really, he could absolutely do that and there's nothing anyone can say. Even if staff had approached him on the spot and he'd said "I self-identify (ie penis intact) as a woman", they'd have to back off completely.

You'll likely be deemed a bit hysterical for saying it'll come to pass tho but the fact is, it will. I didn't vote for it tho...

Unfinishedkitchen · 06/04/2018 07:31

When they said ‘old’ do they mean actual old i.e over 65 or what pre-teens think is old e.g anything over 35? This would make a bit of a difference in relation to how quickly he could pick up the towel. However, in any case I think he does sound like a pervert. I’m sorry. The girls were laughing because they couldn’t understand the potential threat.

Basecamp101 · 06/04/2018 08:02

In all reality this was probably completely innocent but you were right to report so the staff can see if there is a pattern or a repeat and take action if necessary.

Original poster
BringBiscuits · 06/04/2018 08:06

Ithe more I think about it the more convinced I am that it wasn’t innocent. The wink, no shorts under towel...
In this pool there are separate sex change areas but it’s all open plan and not very clear which bit is which and the shower area is mixed anyway.
I’m relieved the girls took it well. I wonder if it’d been different if they’d been alone though.

OP posts:
BerkInBag · 06/04/2018 08:09

Next week he could be 'identifying' a woman*

why would he bother? It's a unisex changing village and he's successfuly offending as a man. GRA/trans arguments are redundant here.

BerkInBag · 06/04/2018 08:10

"Allegedly" offending

BerkInBag · 06/04/2018 08:13

So it's segregated changing OP? Ergo predatory men don't need to ID as women to offend in sex segregated situations.

dentydown · 06/04/2018 08:23

Normally in a unisex changing area people keep their costume on and towel round them, then strip off in the changing room.
An accidental towel drop sounds dodgy. I’ve seen a towel drop and it was cross legs, cover bits with one hand, retrieve towel, cover up and run to changing rooms swearing!
I get he could of been slow, but most men would of made an attempt to cover themselves!

Beamur · 06/04/2018 08:31

Definitely dodgy. Most people keep their swimsuits on in the shower at a pool.

OnTheRise · 06/04/2018 08:32

Biscuits, I'd probably report this to the police as well as to the swimming pool management. Accidental towel drop my arse. That man's a predatory sex abuser.

SundayGirls · 06/04/2018 08:34

OP, you said the girls "came home" laughing about it but OTOH you were waiting in the foyer for them, so did they not mention it until you got home? Just wondering why you wouldn't have told the staff there and then when they came out of the changing rooms instead of ringing up later.

SoupDragon · 06/04/2018 08:36

He winked first.... got their attention.... no accident in my opinion

Yes, for me it’s the wink that makes it unlikely to have been an accident.

Original poster
BringBiscuits · 06/04/2018 08:44

Sunday I was waiting to bring them home. I didn’t swim but had gone to pick them up. I met them in the foyer and they came over to meet me. They said they had something funny to tell me but they wanted to get to the car first. I think he was actually in the foyer and so they didn’t want him to hear them telling me about it. Which if it was innocent is actually quite good of them?? We were driving home when I got the full story. I rang the leisure centre as soon as we got home.

OP posts:
NotAgainYoda · 06/04/2018 08:46

No it probably wasn't innocent. I might have thought that when I was 10 or 11, which is how they get away with it. Glad they weren't scared. Glad they see you taking it seriously

TerfsUp · 06/04/2018 08:48

How do you know he doesn't identify as female and therefore have the right to use a changing room that corresponds to his identity?

OnTheRise · 06/04/2018 08:57

How do you know he doesn't identify as female and therefore have the right to use a changing room that corresponds to his identity?

This was a dodgy towel-drop and it has nothing to do with his preferred gender.

I do not understand why so many conversations here come round to this; nor do I understand why so many Mumsnetters seem convinced that every trans person is pretending to be trans in order to perve on people in changing rooms.

I have trans friends. They're just trans. They aren't interested in what other people are doing in changing rooms. Can we please just grow up and move on?

Prancingonthevalentine · 06/04/2018 09:04

Ontherise if that is really your reading of the issue you need to go back and try to understand. This thread isn't the place to rehash arguments you haven't listened to in the first place.
My kids have swimming lessons with loads of men around. Not a single one ever winks at them. A wink is a conspiratorial gesture, it's not the same as saying hi.

CisPinkHoodie · 06/04/2018 09:09

Terfs

That's not relevant here, if you read the OP

They were in the unisex showering area

AlpacaLypse · 06/04/2018 09:12

Most of the MNetters who are anti self ID are not anti trans, we're simply anti a very small but extremely vociferous and aggressive minority who are claiming to represent them in a way which most members of the trans community find as disquieting as anyone else.

shggg245 · 06/04/2018 09:12

I spent many years working in a variety of pools. In those days swimming pools attracted pervs, paedophiles and all manner of creeps. In my time 4 staff were arrested and certain members of the public were known as being dodgy.

This was 20 years ago but I can't see things changing that much, perhaps we're more alert now. I love swimming and so do my kids but I'm careful and wouldn't let them change on their own. Sad.

AlpacaLypse · 06/04/2018 09:15

And yes, the self ID argument isn't relevant here, the incident took place in a fully unisex area. I think @TerfsUp was responding to a pp who had suggested upthread that the girls use the women's changing room rather than the unisex area in future.

ErrolTheDragon · 06/04/2018 09:25

Most people keep their swimsuits on in the shower at a pool.

Yes. I'm surprised that it's not a condition of using unisex facilities, especially ones which are used by children.

noeffingidea · 06/04/2018 09:30

Our pool has a unisex changing village, and you're not allowed to remove your costume in a communal area. This man is a flasher.