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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unlucky towel drop or something more sinister?

104 replies

BringBiscuits · 05/04/2018 23:36

My dd and her friend went swimming today (10 and 11). They came home laughing about the ‘poor old man’ who was in the changing rooms and ‘accidentally’ dropped his towel. They were in the showers and the changing cubicles are accessed from the shower area. (Male and female mixed). According to them he didn’t rush to pick up the towel and they saw ‘everything’. Most worrying is that he had winked at my daughter before this happened.
Thankfully they think the whole incident is hilarious and are completely believe it was put bad luck for the poor old man to drop his towel. AIBU to think this guy is a dirty old pervert who has deliberately flashed at two pre teen girls?

OP posts:
noeffingidea · 06/04/2018 09:32

Just noticed shggg's post upthread. Yes, swimming pools are known to be hot spots for sexual offenders.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 06/04/2018 09:32

I would also report to police-that was not accidental and that wont have been the first time he's done it either the dirty old perve!

bobstersmum · 06/04/2018 09:40

Fuuuck off that idiot saying how do you know he doesn't identify as a woman... This MAN ( the dangly bits confirm MAN) is a bloody pervert, well done op for reporting.

Dulra · 06/04/2018 09:42

Whether it was accidental or not I really would not be happy with my daughters changing alone in this style of changing room. The only unisex swimming pool change area I am aware of has all cubicles. Family cubicles, single cubicles or male and female large cubicles. The shower area is unisex but faces pool and is completely open and you've to leave swimsuits on in it.

I am glad you reported it so staff can be aware of it but I would also not let my kids change there alone any more. Sad that it comes to that but from a safeguarding perspective I wouldn't deem them safe in this environment.

Poshsausage · 06/04/2018 09:43

Definitely a pervert if it was an accident there is likely to have been some sort of expletive , apology and retrieval and likely to have managed to grab at least part of the towel on the way down presumably he had both hands free to do so
Inform police and ask girls If they are ok they may not be able to process it but it may disturb them

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/04/2018 09:45

Why would he have no trunks on under his towel?

BigApple11 · 06/04/2018 09:45

Cos he's a dirty pervert.

OliviaStabler · 06/04/2018 09:46

Definitely a perv. He would claim he accidentally dropped his towel if anyone complained. No way to prove he was lying.

Original poster
BringBiscuits · 06/04/2018 09:48

Why would he have no trunks on under his towel? my thoughts exactly.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/04/2018 09:49

The key thing is you have made the centre aware. They know to keep a watch for this sort of thing now. If it was deliberate then there is a reasonable chance he will do it again or has done it before. Repeated "accidental" towel drops are going to be pretty difficult for him to explain away.

Original poster
BringBiscuits · 06/04/2018 09:53

I would also not let my kids change there alone any more. unfortunately the girls were at a holiday club. Parents were not supposed to be there. I had just gone to pick up. It would be a shame if kids couldn’t do these camps again because of fear of perverts. Instead I’ve asked that the pool organising that either kids have a separate place to change at these camps or that they do not change when other members of the public are not to enter the change areas when the holiday club kids are there. Worth keeping in mind if other people’s children do similar activities in the school holidays?

OP posts:
Original poster
BringBiscuits · 06/04/2018 09:54

Sorry for poor English... typing on my phone! Hopefully you get what I’m trying to say!

OP posts:
SnowOnTheSeine · 06/04/2018 09:54

Agree with PP. Our swimming pool changing area is communal but there are numerous signs up saying it is absolutely forbidden to get changed outside of a cubicle (there are loads so it's never a problem).

The only time I've seen people do it is when they arrive with their swimming togs already on under their clothes.

mummyretired · 06/04/2018 09:55

Always worth reporting. My local pool (council facility run by a big company) has this type of changing area and all the 'common' area of the changing village is covered by CCTV - very unobtrusively, you'd never know it was there. All such incidents are checked and police involved as necessary.

noeffingidea · 06/04/2018 09:56

Do they have a room for school groups, OP? My pool has 2 completely enclosed rooms that school groups use , if so it might be worth asking if the holiday club can use those.

birdbandit · 06/04/2018 09:59

If someone could please explain to me, exactly WHY (some) men do this, and all the other weird sex, arousal, power and entitlement weird nonsenses, in a way that I can truly understand, I would be very grateful.

CisPinkHoodie · 06/04/2018 10:05

bird

I think it's just power. They've done something they deem sexual in such a way that the other person has no control over. Whatever reaction they get is gratifying because they created that reaction. IN addition, they (I imagine) have very shameful ideas around sex and their bodies. They want other people to feel that discomfort - so they project it outwards and feel better for a while. They are sad and messed up and that leads them to become abusive to deal with those horrible feelings

(amateur Psychologist)

TatianaLarina · 06/04/2018 10:06

Who was the genius who did not foresee incidents like this in unisex changing areas?

WindyWednesday · 06/04/2018 10:16

Our local swimming pool has a unisex changing village. I can see it’s convenient for parents taking children and not worrying over what changing room to use, but I have seen old men wandering about with little on when I have my children with me. It doesn’t sit right with me. The cubicles have thin walls so you can hear the neighbours conversations while in your own, so running commentary of helping children dress/undress etc. There are Male/female loos and the showers are individual cubicles.

TheClitterati · 06/04/2018 10:20

What was he doing being naked in mixed changing area anyway? Those mixed showers you keep your swimmers on. I've only ever seen people naked in single sex changing rooms. Totally deliberate and an offence.

OneStepSideways · 06/04/2018 10:21

It does sound dodgy and worth mentioning to pool staff, but equally could have been an accident. Was he coming out of a shower cubicle (the sort you lock while you shower?) That would explain the no trunks under the towel. I take my bikini off in the shower cubicle and wear a towel (the sort with Velcro under the arms) to walk to my locker.
Lots of elderly men wink at children innocently, when I was little it seemed the norm from shopkeepers, neighbors, grandpas etc. A sort of greeting? A generational thing?
Dropping his towel could have been accidental (shaky hands/arthritis?) and taking longer to pick it up could also be age related (difficulty bending down/reduced mobility?)

Maybe I'm naive but I'd be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt, in case it was an embarrassing accident and he was mortified! I'm sure if he tried it again the staff would take action as staff will be on the lookout.

Dulra · 06/04/2018 10:22

BringBiscuits My kids do swimming at camps too. I would definitely be also raising it with the camp organisers there should be enough camp staff to supervise kids changing if there isn't they need to let parents in to help out. At my kids camp they do swimming last and let any parents who want to come 20min early to go in to changing room and help their kids when they are getting changed. I need to for my 5 year old who needs the help.

BastardGingerCat · 06/04/2018 10:22

Reporting was definitely the right thing - if it's innocent then nothing will happen, if it's a pattern of behaviour then they'll be aware and will be able to act if anything happens again.

I would rather think it would be good to clarify that swimming costumes / trunks must be worn in all mixed sex areas seeing as you say there are changing rooms though - would prevent any possible perverts having an excuse at the very least.

MinorRSole · 06/04/2018 10:33

For those who would give him the benefit of the doubt - how many times have you dropped your towel? Because in my 40+ years my number is 0. I grip it particularly tightly when I'm in a room full of strangers post swim.

I don't believe for 1 second that a man, who happened to have no trunks on, accidentally dropped his towel in front of 2 girls and I'm willing to put money on that not happening if those girls had been accompanied by a 20 stone father!

cordeliavorkosigan · 06/04/2018 10:33

I consider myself open and liberal, I have friends who changed gender 20 years ago with much angst, hormone treatments, surgery before it was "thing", etc etc.
But I really don't like these mixed changing setups, shared showers, having to carry my stuff and my DC's stuff awkwardly from a locker to a tiny cubicle after a swim, amongst a ton of men in togs dripping away.
Yes, I get that there are lots of dads there with