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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adult children living at home ...

55 replies

MrsMaxwell · 20/03/2018 18:00

The frustrations of .. I’ll start.

Came home today and DS1 has made himself two sandwichs at lunchtime but was unable to eat them both Hmm so put one in the fridge uncovered. He used most of the breast of the whole cold chicken I bought which I was going to use for DS2 (still at school) and my sandwiches for the week and threw the other sandwich away because the bread was stale (because it was fucking uncovered!!!).

OP posts:
Gilead · 20/03/2018 18:05

Ds 2 has complained that I muddle his washing and he gets dd2's boyfriend's washing on occasion. Yeah, thanks for doing my washing Mum, I'll sort it out. Hmm

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/03/2018 18:06

DS1 takes everyone’s wet washing off the clothes horse to put his on there Angry

OP posts:
TheHodgeoftheHedge · 20/03/2018 18:08

But why are you putting up with this selfish behaviour?

PeterRabbitEatingHisCarrot · 20/03/2018 18:09

He's lacking common sense and respect for the money you've spent on food. Have you brought him up to respect money?

PeterRabbitEatingHisCarrot · 20/03/2018 18:09

How old is he? He should be doing his fair of washing, cleaning and food prep.

isseywithcats · 20/03/2018 18:12

have a son back at home (him and gf split) like mrs maxwells he dumps his washing on top of mine on the airer but not tidily oh no he just sort of chucks it where it lands im gonna kill him when he comes back in, thinks the washing up does itself , manages to get to the shower about two minutes before me, thinks the carpet in his room hoovers itself (i dont do it much as its killing me his room being a mess) cant wait for him to save up enough money to get himself his own flat again

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/03/2018 18:13

I forgot the in the thread title Hmm

Yes I deliberately bought him up to be a selfish bastard Grin

OP posts:
abigailsnan · 20/03/2018 18:15

How old is DS1 does he go to work and contribute to household bills if he does put his board costs up to cover the waste food.
Make him take his laundry to the launderette and pay for his washing and drying himself,if he won't co-operate give him the "Flats Vacant" list in your local newspaper how selfish can one person be amazes me.
Don't put up with this any longer he is treating your home as a hotel.

Vitalogy · 20/03/2018 18:16

Would post it notes help "paws off"

Skatingfastonthinice · 20/03/2018 18:17

I have adult children living at home, but we all operate more like a shared house with friends. They buy most of their own food, anyone who uses the last of something either puts it in the shopping list or buys more. You need to rethink the relationship as they get older and allow it to evolve. If he was in a houseshare, that behaviour wouldn’t be tolerated by the others.

Skatingfastonthinice · 20/03/2018 18:19

Oh yes, we use sharpies and labels if necessary, but usually normal politeness and common sense is enough.

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/03/2018 18:19

He works 50 hours a week in a bar on a zero hours minimum wage contract and yes he pays rent - I do address these issues with him but often I don’t see him and I don’t think they really stop needing nagging until they move out - however many times I repeat myself.

OP posts:
Skatingfastonthinice · 20/03/2018 18:21

Give him a shelf in the kitchen, space in the fridge freezer and get him to buy his own food.

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/03/2018 18:22

I would prefer him to move out TBF.

It’s so expensive though.

I just get frustrated sometimes as I never know who is in, who is coming in etc including their partners.

They have to sort out their own food unless specifically letting me know they will be in for tea.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/03/2018 18:23

I don’t have room to give him that (shelved etc) and I hate feeling like I am in a shared house.

I am sure lots of others are in the same boat.

OP posts:
Oblomov18 · 20/03/2018 18:26

How long is he going to be with you?

flowerslemonade · 20/03/2018 18:27

Get a plastic tub and if he does that with his clothes again when other clothes were there first take them off the clothes horse and put them in the tub.

Deandre · 20/03/2018 18:27

The standard mumsnet response:
Does he contribute 2k a month to rent?
Does he tidy your house from top to bottom three times a week?
Does he water the plants in the summer?
Does he thank you daily for his existence?

No, then you’ve not done a good enough job raising your child and I already feel sorry for their partner....

Normal realistic response,
Tell him his a pain, not to do it again and to pick up a chicken the next time he passes a supermarket.

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/03/2018 18:28

flowerslemonade

I love this idea - I actually have a tub!!! Grin

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Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/03/2018 18:31

Deandre

Quite Grin

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/03/2018 18:31

How old OP?

I can see mine being here for a while!

Whocansay · 20/03/2018 18:33

Send him back to the supermarket to replace the chicken!

It drives me batshit when DH eats something on a whim that I had planned to use in a meal.

MaureenMLove · 20/03/2018 18:35

I feel your pain. DD (22) is a good kid, never here much because she prefers the comforts of the boyfriends parents house I think! His mum does far more for the pair of them, than I do!

I haven't done her washing for years. Think I stopped when she was in year 11! I washed her school uniform, but the rest didn't reflect badly on me, so I left her to it.

Last year, I'd had yet another day coming home from work, finding her wet washing still in the machine when I wanted to use it. Her reasoning was she was just too busy working! I text her at work and said, 'DD, I know you work really hard and it's a struggle to do your washing, so would you like me to start doing it for you?' (She works no harder than anyone else). She replied 'oh, yes please, if you don't mind'. So I replied again, 'that'll be an extra £5 a week!' Grin. The direct debit was changed within the hour!

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/03/2018 18:38

Yeah I have thought about charging for cleaning etc - and the washing machine blocking!!!AngryAngry

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 20/03/2018 18:38

He’s 20.

OP posts: